Justice Conference Asia

Ok... it's been awhile since I've done an entry... last weekend was a long weekend and... the long awaited Justice Conference!!

I will do a different entry to talk about my lack of blogging lately. Today I want to share my thoughts from Justice Conference. Things had been so busy that I wasn't really able to get excited about it until a couple of days prior to the opening of the conference. And it wasn't even until I was talking to a friend about it that I bothered to look up the speakers to find out what they were all about. The conversation wasn't important, it was what I found that got me excited about the weekend... I discovered this blog post from Eugene Cho! The man's views on abortion was what I've been talking to people about... and I was excited to hear this man speak!! Ok... given abortion was not really a big topic at the Justice Conference... and it's not like he was talking about it... but I was excited to hear his thoughts on justice and God.

All the practical advice at the conference can be shared another time. It was when he spoke at the conference on Friday night when God really smacked me. It was that night when I realized just how incredibly exhausted I was from trying to juggle everything. As much as I love my job and know that I am doing what I am suppose to be doing... I hadn't been aware of how crazy drained I was... spiritually, mentally, emotionally... I had been pouring everything into my job that I had neglected to take care of myself. Well... a part of me was using it as a disguise to some of what I was really feeling on the inside... or rather as a distraction from having to deal with some of the other crap that was going on in my life...

So... 2 things from that night. First that I was exhausted... and that I needed to take down the fortress I had built around myself so that God and others can come back into my life to help carry me forward. I'm not meant to live in alone but in community. Then second in relation to community was the line from Eugene Cho. "If you're thinking that the grass is greener on the other side, that's the Holy Spirit prompting you to water your own grass!" 

How are these things related? In trying to avoid dealing with certain issues in my life, I had distanced myself from my own community. As a result I had stopped watering my own lawn... and so began the "grass is greener on the other side" syndrome... and I began to entertain thoughts of finding new community rather than seeing the problems in myself that I wasn't dealing with. Anyways... God smacked me, and now I am recommitting myself to my community and watering my own lawn. :)

As for dealing with the crap in my life... working on it. You know it's so much easier to tell everyone else that the most important aspects of any relationship is truth and honesty... but when I actually have to put that into practice I had such a hard time. I know that eventually I will put it into practice, but I just need a little more time to gather up my courage before I step out in faith. I know that God is always on my side and He always takes care of me. So I just need to walk out in obedience in all that I believe that He calls me to do. More on that another time...

Justice conference was eye opening in some practical ways... and very refreshing for myself personally. So proud of The Vine and all the volunteers who helped to make it possible! So thankful for a glimpse of God's heart... sometimes I lose sight of the bigger picture, this past weekend was a reminder to look at the bigger picture and not be stuck on the things I see immediately in front of me. Thank-you Jesus!! :)

A small glimpse of India...

He changed into a yellow shirt to match me! :)

Wow... back from India... and well, finals are next week and I need to get my arse in gear to get to studying and paper writing... blah!!! As always... when I'm meant to be doing school work, I find myself blogging instead. :P

So... India. Let's talk about the kid in the picture. It's not that he's the only kid from the children's home... nor a favourite... cause we ain't suppose to have favourites, right? :) This was my date at every single meal for most of the 7 days we were in Visakhapatnum. At every meal that I could remember he would grab his plate and insist that he would be sitting beside me... breakfast, lunch and dinner. No fail, this kid was sitting beside me. Trust me, I wasn't particularly nice to him... in fact there were moments when I had to constantly yell at him to eat his food... or to chew... or to not play with his food... :P 

It was through these meal time interactions that we bonded. He does NOT like eating boiled eggs... so one morning I sat there with him and waited as he finished breakfast. Haha... goodness gracious, it was quite the task trying to coerce this kid to finish his egg. At the end I think he got away with just eating the egg white and not having to eat the yoke. By the time we left, his promise to me was that he would finish his breakfast every morning, including his egg! :) 

Yet, this trip for me really wasn't about the kids. I know we always come back from missions talking about how the kids have changed us more than we've changed them... blah blah blah. For me... it really wasn't like that? Why? Perhaps because I work with children on a daily basis and it doesn't require a missions trip for me to see that. Perhaps, that wasn't the lesson that I need to be learning in this season... I learned that lesson many years ago. This wasn't my first trip to a children's home... but I pray that it won't be my last either. 

So, what did I get from my trip? One of the biggest revelations since coming home was that it's time for me to stop half joking about God training me for the missions field and start taking that seriously. Hahaha... I joke about this aLOT... or talk about it casually... but I think it's time to start praying about this and starting to ask God for some more concrete answers about what this all means. The running joke has always been that if God called me to Africa tomorrow, I'd drop everything to get on a plane to go... but now... it's time to re-evaluate what those words really mean. It's time for that to stop being a running joke in my life... but for me to really consider what I mean when I say words like that. So one thing that I came away with was the thought that I think God really might be calling me to missions... so time to start praying about that.

The other thing I came away from India with, is that I need to stop running away from children's ministry. I disqualified myself from children's ministry... almost 8 years ago now. That's not a story for this update, so you can ask if you'd like to know. For 8 years I haven't touched children's ministry... but every time I have gone out on a missions trip, I have ended up at a children's home/ orphanage. Of course, that could just be the nature of the trips I had ended up on... regardless... the doors to the mission field for me has always led to children. While we were in India... perhaps more after coming back... God seems to be confirming that gifting in me. That he has gifted me in working with children. So it's a season where I need to stop disqualifying myself... and start rebuking all the lies which I have bought into for so long. 

This is just a small glimpse into the things that God spoke into my heart from my trip to India. It was a good trip.. I think not because of the children, or the things we saw. I would have been happy going on a trip to anywhere... had I met with God in the same way that I was able to meet God while I was in India this time around. It wasn't about where I went or what I did... this trip was simply that I got away... and in the midst of me getting away, God met me, and He revealed to me the things that He wanted me to know. Despite all that we did in India... and the tiredness I should have felt... I did feel refreshed spiritually. I came home excited and recharged to keep going into this season! :)

Monday Musings...

Yay! Another entry of Monday Musings... let's see if I can keep this up.

Thank-you to everyone who checked in on me. I'm doing good! :)

Last week was a rather interesting week... very unproductive week... so much work that needs to be done, yet none of it is getting done. Leaving for India on Thursday... but last week I ended up taking up teaching for pre-teens on Friday and as usual lots of prep work to be done for Kids Club on Saturday. So I basically didn't stop until I got to 6pm on Saturday... and I still volunteered to go to Watermark Community Church with the kids on Sunday... AND I stayed for lunch with them and helped take them back to Jordan. I really don't understand why every time I decide to stay for lunch with the kids we are eating McDonald's on the Cyberport podium... -_-"

Regardless... these kids are my saving grace this past weekend. When I see them, I know that I am exactly where God had intended me to be in this season. I see the kids... and their reactions to me and I know that God is in control of my life, and He has crazy plans for me ahead. I know that it is by the grace of God that I get to join the ranks of the few who can say without a doubt that they love their job! On Saturday, we studied the Bible story of the Last Supper... and then we had a time of communion with the kids. It was the cutest thing in the world... and my heart completely melted... God has such a huge heart for these kids... He loves them so much! 

Circumstances may once again be trying to tell me that I have lost and that I am a loser... but lies I rebuke you! I am a daughter of God, and He thinks I'm a winner! At my own advice to a friend.. I'm looking forward... because God does not ask that I spend my time thinking of the what if's and what could have been. He asks me to live in the present... because that is where I can see the gifts that He has prepared for me for THIS season. If I look anywhere else... I will miss out on these... and I don't want to miss out on the things that God has prepared for me! :)

Monday Musings...

I really love having Mondays as my day off... and I really have been meaning to use it as a day to catch up on blogging, but I always get distracted and end up doing something else. Today I had this plan of going out to spend the afternoon doing some school work at the PolyU library... only to find out when I got there that I was missing a critical piece of paper... so studying in library fail! Ended up spending the afternoon sitting outside doing various activities which included reading and some sort of education related activities... amongst many other non-productive activities. Then I decided to go up to CUHK anyways.. I really should get some library time in... to find that the University Library on campus as finished renovations... it looks NICE! hahaha.. so perhaps my undergrad library study habits can come back to life... let's see what happens. :P

Anyways... random day description aside... here's the real meat of what I want to talk about.

Recently, I looked around me and I felt all that surrounded me told me that I had lost. That I had come out the loser in the situation... I seriously felt like everywhere I looked the world was screaming "You're a L-O-S-E-R!" This was not a very good feeling to be feeling... I'm just being honest because I think sometimes I look around and I wonder to myself... "why me? 

I know if I measure by earthly standards, it will always feel like I lost. If I look at the situation and compare myself to others... I always feel like I am lacking... and when I get to that place then I really have lost. I have lost because I have allowed myself to be consumed by my situation and circumstances rather than be lost in God. 

When I turn my eyes back onto God, I know that I have not lost at all. I have gained treasures in heaven which I cannot see with my own eyes, but faith tells me that what I have lost and sacrificed will be redeemed. Even if these things are not redeemed here on earth, they will be redeemed when I go to heaven to spend eternity with my Father. 

My truest measure of knowing that I had not lost... the most tangible evidence in my life... my job... AKA my kids. Everyday when I walk into Jordan and I see the relationships that God has built up in a very short 4 months time... and all that this job has led me to, I KNOW that I have not lost. I know that I get to walk daily in the will of God... that I am exactly where He had intended for me to be in this season.

Life has been hard... but it has been oh so good! :) And to finish off... the song that won't stop playing in my head... but it's GOOD! It's the cry of my heart for my life... hope you make it yours too!

And so that was 2012...

Haven't written very much lately... and I think it's just been really hard for me to explain everything that I have been feeling as of late. Then I realised that I also have not yet written my review of 2012 blog entry yet. :P So as I sit here on the third day of Chinese New Year... I thought I would take opportunity to do my year in review blog entry.

2012... was one tough year! There is no doubt on that one. Brought in the year in Shanghai... with like 16 other people. It was pretty fun. No birthday celebration last year since my grandmother went into ICU that morning... and all festivities were cancelled on her behalf... she is still alive and doing well now. The semester was really hard... small group teaching for skills lab was... trying on my patience and put my Chinese skills to the test like never before. It seriously made me want to quit school. Lost my job at the end of March, but still had to finish another month of work before I could leave... worst month of my life (well... I think that's up for debate...) but right after they gave me my "one month's notice" I took off to Korea for a couple of days. Saw the cherry blossoms.... that was AWESOME! Actually, most of that trip was pretty amazing. It was a nice break after having a really crap week because of work.

After I lost my job, that freed me to frolic around Australia with my 2 ladies from Edmonton. Cleaned out a good chunk of my savings... before coming back to begin Placement. Once again putting my Chinese to the test... not only in language this time, but culturally as well. I look back... and I enjoyed the youth and some of the workers there... but I don't think I could ever work there as staff.... not that I think they'd hire me anyways. My supervisor made it pretty clear in her evaluation that she thought I was an incompetent worker.

Took it easy for about 6 months... chilled with friends, met some new people... built up relationships with others. Placement... class... and life... Had a dream come to life... but then it hit stalemate again... and right now it might be happening again. Finally, out of a nowhere, a job comes at me. And after letting it go and thinking the job shouldn't be mine... God gives me the job. After a weekend of crying.... and then a meeting with my current boss... I take the job with a peace of mind. Looking back... God broke my heart for these children even before I took the job. But with the start of work... it meant I ended the year feeling the most alone I have ever felt in my life. With work, placement and class... there was no time for much else.  

So many times this past year.... my dreams have been challenged. The plans that God had given me were challenged... and so many times I wondered if I had heard wrong. So many times I wondered if I had walked down the wrong road yet again... and so so so many times I wanted to just throw in the towel. Each time I had been discouraged, God sent just the right encouragement to let me know that I need to keep going. 

After 2012... all the tears, the frustrations, the bursts of anger, my moments of despair, the heartbreaks, moments of utter confusion... I've entered 2013 thinking that God has made me come alive. 2011 was a year of planting, and 2012 was my year in the soil.... and 2013 is the year where I've made it through the dirt and is now surfacing with growth! And the prophecy is that it's going to be a big tree! This is a new season, and God is growing my life into a new tree. The old has gone... and this will be something new. 

Right now... I'm doing well. I love my job. I love the children... the love the community... I love my partners in service... and I love the nature of my job! Honestly I couldn't have found a better job myself... and through this job, my world is shrinking but at the same time... all things are falling into place as they should. This job even managed to tie itself to the dream that I thought was coming alive... but then didn't happen... and now might happen again. That's one crazy story... and not blog material. Ask me if you want to know. I believe that this job will springboard me into all the other things that God and I have been dreaming for since I've returned back to Hong Kong in 2008. 

The last 6 weeks or so (since 2013 has started) have been DANG interesting... but I'm excited for all that this is leading me into! There are times were I still feel so incredibly alone on this journey... and unsupported by my church community (cause sometimes I don't think anyone understands what I am doing)... but in times like these, He has brought me new friends who walk with me and support me... it's a good support... but it's not the best. Hahaha... and so at the moment I am praying to God for my support system in this next season of my journey.

(side note: with the new season, it was only proper to do with a new layout!)    

To finish off... I think this song summarises how I feel so well... ENJOY! :)

Glimpses of heaven on earth...

I am so grateful that God never allows me go disobey His word. And that time and time again he allows me to see glimpses of heaven on earth... or at least feel what He means when He desires for us to live out Kingdom culture on the earth. So once again, I have had the opportunity to see the things that God puts on my heart come to life. To be allowed the privilage of living out Kingdom culture. This is just one of the many from this past week... it has been ONE CRAZY WEEK! :)

To clarify, I'm talking about this particular blog post... The one where I talked about reconciliation. I have been able to forgive not because of anything I have done... or have not done. I am not a better person because I forgive. It is all by the grace of God that I can forgive and move on. If it wasn't for the love of God which had been poured out for me so abundantly... I don't think I would be where I am today. It is because God had loved me first... therefore I can also forgive and bless you as God would have wanted me to.

"Freely you have received, freely give." ~ Matthew 10:8b

"We love because he first loved us." ~ 1 John 4:19

The above 2 passages come to mind as I ponder on the events of this week. I don't deserve to be mature... or complimented on being mature... it is not me that is doing all these things. I will not stand here and pretend that anything has been done on my own strength or knowledge... It is NOT. 

I know I have not always been the bigger person in this situation... but I am glad that in the end... God brought his peace into the situation. I think it's dumb that it had to explode in this manner... but God has his timing and his place... and I will trust that this was what He had wanted and intended. 

I am still learning so much in this area of reconciliation, and still seeing so many of the ladies around me feeling hurt from lack of closure and reconciliation. Yet I pray that God too can come into those situations and fill them with His peace. I know that God desires unity within his body... and so I will pray that one day... men and women would begin to stand firm in their identities in Christ... and somehow stop trying to bring each other down... intentionally or unintentionally. Haha... that is my ideal... I guess that would be heaven on earth, no? :) 

Monday Morning Musings...

This past weekend, God showed me just how much He had back. He completely cushioned a fatal blow from the enemy so that on what had been intended to ruin my birthday was completely minimised and all I knew and felt was the love of some of my closest friends. All I could hear in my head as I went to sleep last night was "What you had intended for harm, God intended it for good." So this morning, I looked up where that was from, because I couldn't remember. It was from Genesis when Joseph was talking to his brothers about what they had done to him. Joseph was full of nothing but forgiveness towards his brothers because he know God... and he stood confident in that. So through the overflow of God in him, he could overflow that into his brothers... who had been so cruel to him.  

"Don't be afraid. Am i in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is not being done, the saving of many lives." ~ Genesis 50:19-20

This morning, I am drawing strength from the example of Joseph and from God himself. I don't know if there are intentions of trying to hurt me or disrespect me... but it doesn't matter because God loves me... and even though I don't want to... I will choose to forgive and stay within the will of my Papa in heaven. He has promised me that all things are for the good of those who He love and called. 

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." ~ Romans 8:28

There is a part of me that wishes nothing but to point a finger and laugh... and say "in your face!" But... I won't... I will leave that to God to show you. Through this all, I know that God is looking out for me, that he is protecting me... protecting my heart... and I have nothing to fear.  

So... today as I turn the big 3-0... I will standing confident in who God has made me to be. I will choose God today, and everyday. Thanks so much to everyone who came out yesterday to celebrate with me! It was truly a blessed day! I am so thankful for each and every friend that God has given to me while I've been in Hong Kong. Your love was felt... and I feel very very lucky indeed. 

"Duckie, you're really quite lucky. ... YUP, YUP, YUP!!!!"

Saturday Snippet...

Usually during the Christmas season I do an advent countdown of daily blogging... this year, I didn't. Why? I don't have a particular reason as to why... I think I just forgot. In the midst of finishing up placement, classes and starting a new job, everything just got crazy busy! 

So what have I been up to? I have been starting a new job. My new job... Children's Ministry Director with Inner City Ministries. I get the joy of looking after children's sunday school (run on a Saturday afternoon), and various different tutorial sessions throughout the week, as well the daunting task of coming up with a plan.. for efficient and lasting change to their education situations. OMG! hahaha... it's slightly insane! Here's a couple of my monkeys... :P

Aren't they so sweet? hahaha :) 

Anyways... in the midst of this... I find small blessings... and honestly if I don't keep my eyes open and heart focused, I feel like I will easily walk past them. It has been 3 days since I have been able to speak (I have never lost my voice for this long before.) I seriously woke up from a full 8 hours of sleep on Thursday morning to find that I no longer had a voice left. Same thing again on Friday morning.... and still this morning... my voice had not yet found it's way back to me... sigh... and an afternoon of chilling with my monkeys has not helped me to regain my voice any faster! :P

Currently I am trying to study for my one and only final exam this semester... Professional Values and Legal Knowledge.... so... b.o.r.i..n.g.... but distracted by planning of my New Year's trip to Korea! 

Excited for a couple of days away from Hong Kong, and time to spend catching up with some of my favourite ladies in the world. Even though I haven't known them very love... I hold them dear to my heart. :)

Just read this article.... "How to know when to walk away..." I found it interesting... ladies and gentleman... please, please, please don't use the God card when breaking up with someone... it does more damage than good.... I speak as someone who is still dealing with the effects of having been dealt the God card. I'd so much rather be angry with a person... than trying to deal with being angry at God... questioning my own relationship with God... questioning my own ability to hear God... and questioning and second guessing everything that I believe is from God now... That's the least edifying way to end a relationship. Just suck it up... and allow that person to be angry with you instead... and accept that you will not be their favourite person for awhile...

Anyways... enough ranting. I really am loving all new experiences as they come up through my new job... I know everyday that this is a place that God had prepared for me... that this is a job that God had created for me... and that I have been called into this ministry for a reason. Everyday I get small glimpses... and the more time I spend in the new... the more healthy I feel that it has been away. It's not that I have anything against my current friends and church... but it's hard. It's so nice to be with people who don't know... and perhaps that is what makes running away seem like such a nice alternative... but I won't run away. I shall just enjoy the new, while knowing that God has not called me away from my church or current group of friends. 

There is much to give thanks to God for in my life... so with that I hold up my head and say "Blessed be the name of the Lord!"

I will stand firm...

Lol! This made me laugh... because I say "I"m just being honest" alot... does that make me a jerk?? OH NO!!!

On other things.. been an extremely frustrating day... but I think the enemy is trying really hard to take me off course. Like REALLY hard! So many things coming my way... which means I really need to get off my arse and make it to EMP and PRAY for the new season ahead. Pray for work... pray for everything that is in my life... and all that has not arrived yet. 

I walked back and forth the CU campus... not once... but TWICE... I went to one building... walked to another.. back to that same building... and then back to that other building... twice!!! TWICE!! And it's so disgustingly humid outside... not impressed.

Disunity in the workplace... or trying to cause disunity in the workplace... so I shall ignore what sounded like discouragement... and continue to do my job. I know that this job is where I am to be at, and I'm going to stay put here.

Another job with more money... trying to give me significance where I had craved significance before?? I'm flattered... and tempted... but I said no. I know that this job is where I am to be at, and I'm going to stay put here.

Need to further ground myself in God... and to remove the things that not belong in my life. Victory is already mine through Christ. So I will claim that... need to claim that... must claim that and stop losing... Prayers much appreciated! 

Hump Day Happenings...

What an interesting day it has been.... 'twas an extremely busy day at work as I was rushing to finish off some lesson planning done that should be out today for the group to prepare for Saturday's kids program. Got most of that done and will finish off the worksheets tomorrow if I have time... hopefully I will.

Someone asked me something... that caught me off guard... and once again makes me think about boundaries... but you can't define boundaries with someone who won't talk to you... so... I guess all I can do is stay away for myself and hope that eventually presumptions or misconceptions will stop. That is all I will say about that for now. 

Best part of my day, hands down... dinner with the parents of one of my best friends. Love love LOVE that girl, and LOVE her parents! They're the most hilarious people ever! I miss holidays over at their place... turkey for thanksgiving... hotpot for the Christmas season. Driving out to Sherwood Park was always fun... Goodness... it's been a long time since we've all known each other. So much fun! I miss having her around... too bad she couldn't come to Hong Kong too... but I did just see her in Australia not too long ago... so I guess that's ok. There's always whatsapp.... solution to long distance texting. 

So here I am once again... reminiscing about Edmonton and missing a place that I once called home... and still call home most of the time. There are lots things that I miss... even though I know it's not the same anymore... and well, most people are married and have their own families... I still can't help but miss that place. I do want to visit... there are a lot of people I want to see... and things that I want to do. But I am also waiting for the right time. 

Anyways... just wanted to vent about missing home and how much I love the chance to talk about things which are so familiar to me... :) And to end off... a stupid stupid pic the best friend took of me cooking in Edmonton kitchen... man... I miss that kitchen... and drinking with her... as you can see we do in that pic hahahahaha LOL! :P 

Monday Musings...

It's been awhile since I've done my Monday Musings blog... so I thought I'd sit down and do one today.

So I just sat down and read this article. 

I found it quite interesting. What I really enjoyed was her Henri Nouwen quote. 

“In solitude I get rid of my scaffolding: no friends to talk with, no telephone calls to make, no meetings to attend, no music to entertain, no books to distract, just me—naked, vulnerable, weak, sinful, deprived, broken—nothing. It is this nothingness that I have to face in my solitude—a nothingness so dreadful that everything in me wants to run to my friends, my work and my distractions, so I can forget my nothingness and make myself believe that I am worth something.”

I too feat that nothingness. It's a scary place to be in... but I found this quote resounds so clearly the thoughts and feelings during my 6 month period of unemployment. I know that being unemployed for 6 months compared to some of my friends who have been unemployed for much longer periods, but we're not talking about them and their experiences at the moment, I'm sharing with you what I was feeling during those six months. 

It's really scary to be in that nothingness... but like the article says... that means we have put our value in what we do. Yet, I am not defined by my job at Christian Action, I'm not defined by my being a social worker student... I do not find worth in being a placement student with the Hong Kong Federation of Youth Groups, and my new job at ICM does not once again return me to being a person of value. My value has and always will be that I'm a daughter of God.

I fight with this daily... that I am a person of value in the eyes of my Father in heaven. I'm not defined by the ways I serve or don't serve in church. I'm not a valued as a worker by the number of hours I put into work... None of that matters at the end of the day. God is the one to whom I must report to... and at the end of the day He's simply gonna ask me if I had been obedient to what He had called me to do. Which brings me to my next thought...

In the past while it had been brought to my attention that one of my gifts is faith... faith in God, in things... in people. I believe in things no one else of a normal mind would believe in. Prior to this, I thought I was just good at forgiving... letting go of past offences... (sometimes it takes longer than others... but eventually I get there) This past Sunday, someone prayed into me that God has gifted me with love. That He had equipped me with the ability to love supernaturally... to love beyond human understanding and reasoning... to love those who had hurt me... 

It was like a light suddenly turned on in my head. As it says in 1 Corinthians "...and if I have faith that can move mountains, but have no love, I am nothing." Despite that I hadn't really been paying attention while we've been doing this Gifts of Grace series... God still spoke. Hahaha... All of it is only possible because I love. I have faith in things because I love... and ultimately because God loves me! 

The second part was "Don't give up... God knows that it's been hard to love, but you can't give up loving those He had called you to love." It was like the flood gates had opened... I had been waiting so long... for that touch of God... for Him to show me that He's been hearing my cries... my pleas... my aching. I've been wanting to give up so bad... to just run away and hide in a hole... to not care about anything else anymore. 

It's been an interesting time... but I know this also isn't the end but just the beginning of God doing something inside of me. And as much as I want to run and hide from it, I know that the only thing that I can do is accept it and just let God do as He pleases in my life so that I can enter into the better that He has in store for me. 

Jesus Makes Up for Every Sacrifice

This is encouraging... it encouraged my heart today... hope it encourages yours as well! :)

Jesus Makes Up for Every Sacrifice:

Peter began to say to him, “See, we have left everything and followed you.” Jesus said, “Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands, for my sake and for the gospel, who will not receive a hundredfold now in this time, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and in the age to come eternal life.” (Mark 10:28–30)

Here's how John Piper explains Jesus's words to Peter in Mark 10:28–30:

What Jesus means here is that he himself makes up for every sacrifice.

If you give up a mother’s nearby affection and concern, you get back one hundred times the affection and concern from the ever-present Christ.

If you give up the warm comradeship of a brother, you get back one hundred times the warmth and comradeship of Christ.

If you give up the sense of at-homeness you had in your house, you get back one hundred times the comfort and security of knowing that your Lord owns every house.

To prospective missionaries, Jesus says, “I promise to work for and be for you so much that you will not be able to speak of having sacrificed anything.”

John G. Paton, missionary to the New Hebrides (today’s Vanuatu in the South Pacific) gives a beautiful testimony of the nearness and friendship of Christ when he was utterly alone, having lost his wife and child, and now surrounded by hostile natives as he hid in a tree.

I climbed into the tree and was left there alone in the bush. The hours I spent there live all before me as if it were but of yesterday. I heard the frequent discharging of muskets, and the yells of the savages. Yet I sat there among the branches, as safe in the arms of Jesus.

Never, in all my sorrows, did my Lord draw nearer to me, and speak more soothingly in my soul, than when the moonlight flickered among these chestnut leaves, and the night air played on my throbbing brow, as I told all my heart to Jesus.

Alone, yet not alone! If it be to glorify my God, I will not grudge to spend many nights alone in such a tree, to feel again my Savior’s spiritual presence, to enjoy His consoling fellowship.

If thus thrown back upon your own soul, alone, all alone, in the midnight, in the bush, in the very embrace of death itself, have you a Friend that will not fail you then? What was Jesus’s attitude to Peter’s “sacrificial” spirit?

Peter said, “We have left everything and followed you.” Is this the spirit of “self-denial” commended by Jesus? No, it is rebuked. Jesus said, “No one ever sacrifices anything for me that I do not pay back a hundredfold — yes, in one sense even in this life, not to mention eternal life in the age to come.”

Desiring God, Multnomah Books (Colorado Springs, CO), pages 240–241

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The above excerpt is the October 27 reading for Desiring God's free devotional app, Solid Joys (available for iPhone and iPad, soon for Android). We've picked a solid joy for every day of the year by identifying 365 of the best cuts from Piper's “big three” books (the “trilogy” of Desiring God, Pleasures of God, and Future Grace), along with key online content from the Desiring God site.


Our hope is that you'll be able to dive in for just a moment each day and come away with something solid to feed your joy in God.



Download the app for free in the iTunes store (or find it by searching for “John Piper” or “Desiring God” or “Solid Joys”).

Many residential streets still await blading

LOL! This is home... whilst HK is a friggin' twenty some degrees... I'm sweating in a cotton cardigan.... blah... I need to move back to higher latitudes...

Many residential streets still await blading:
Road crews still have to blade a majority of residential streets in Edmonton one week after the storm on Nov. 7th.

We can't be just friends...

According to this article.... you and I can't be just friends.... LOL!

Quote...

In the midst of my paper writing, I came across this quote, and I really like it. 

"An unplanned pregnancy is a crisis. Although an abortion may end the crisis, it seldom resolves the original conflicts.”

Something that I want you to know...

Recently I had found out that one of the refugee families that I had the privilege of working with before has been accepted for resettlement in the US. I had met the husband while he was making falafel for World Refugee Day (which also coincided with my first week of work... amongst other things that year... :P) and now as they get ready to leave for the US, they've invited me over for lunch for... Falafel! Hahaha... it's funny. 

This family is very close to my heart because even though I had only known them for a little over two years, I feel like I had gotten to walk with them through so much. I remember first feeling the injustice of the whole UNHCR system... how they had accepted only half the family for resettlement but they didn't wanted to be separated and getting on my knees before God for them. I remember asking God why stuff like this happened? I couldn't understand why it was so complicated! 

Now... I have seen them go through so much ups and downs in the past year, but I'm so excited that they're finally here, getting ready for the next chapter of their life. I'll miss them like crazy because they're one of those families that God has placed in my heart... but I also know that even if I never see them again on earth, I'll will get to see them in heaven. :)

Still... farewells are always hard.  

It's been almost 5 years...

There was really no other way to label this entry. It's been almost 5 years... and I think for the first time I wept. I wept for a place that I call home... but have never really cried for. I was suddenly so overwhelmed by my sense of lonliness of being in Hong Kong... how much I missed my friends... how much I had missed of their lives in the past 5 years... and how much of my life they had missed.... and I just wept.. and wept... and wept... and am still weeping. 

I don't totally understand... but I know that at the moment I feel lonely in Hong Kong. I also know that the sudden large influx of friends from home have left me with a longing for the relationships that have been formed for years... and seem to have become timeless... that no matter how long it has been we can sit down and chat away for hours over anything and everything. A longing for the people who saw me through my forming years... my most trying years... and my years of most pain... that they can be walking with me now as I'm walking through another season of pain. 

I really miss Edmonton (... and Calgary, I guess). I really miss all my friends... all the places we used to chill in... all the stupid things we used to get up to... my home... my car... I miss all of it. I dislike that I missed so many weddings, engagements and birth of babies... I know that Hong Kong has been good for me... and that this is where I need to be for this season... but right now I'm hurting... and I want to go nurse my wounds in the midst of those who have walked with me before... 

It has been almost 5 years... and this is the first time that I have felt so sad....

Truthful Thursdays

I was about to start talking about how today was Wednesdays... and how we like to call it hump day when I realized that... it was Thursday! I've decided to label this Truthful Thursdays... and this is why.

Recently, I've been posting these status updates on Facebook regarding having my dreams come true... about finding a job... and how good my God has been to me. These are truths. Nothing about any of that stuff is wrong. I am having one of my dreams realized as SaveOne begins it's second course in Hong Kong. If you're curious, SaveOne is a post-abortion healing Bible Study. If you, or anyone you know has had an abortion and is looking for healing through Christ... point them in my direction! I would love to share about this more. This has been one of my dreams since... I laid down my own dreams for God's.... so I guess this is our dream. And our prayer is for people to truly find freedom from the lies and darkness that an abortion may have put around them. There IS freedom in Christ, and it is available to everyone. 

Secondly, I am starting a new job in November. This too has been God-sent. I get to do ministry in a non-church setting. It involves children, it involves spreading the love of God... prayer... loving on people... I'm excited for this job. This is what I've been yearning for. 

So... God has been good to me. Nothing about that is untruthful. BUT... at the end of the day, there is this ache in my heart. There is an anger... a relentless anger that refuses to diffuse itself. That is the truth as well... that despite everything that God has been doing latley... regardless of all the love that God has been pouring into me... I can't stop being the ache in my heart... which has become an anger. 

Then... this anger just makes me more angry because I feel like an ungrateful brat standing in front of God. I'm so upset... but God is so good, I should just let everything else be and be joyful and gracious. I tried so hard... and I just can't get there. 

And... THAT is Truthful Thursday. Just being honest...

No Regrets

You know, 3 years ago, I was wondering if I should leave my job at HSBC. I was wondering if I could just walk away from my career in banking to pursue a degree in social work. Looking back, I don't think I completely understood what it meant to be a social worker. I felt that it was right... I knew that it was something that God was asking me to pursue... but it wasn't an easy process. This was one of prayers during that time. God had given me a picture of me standing on a cliff at the top of a water fall... and he was asking me to trust Him, and just jump.

"God, I do want to jump, but I'm scared. I want to jump and be free to jump, no life jacket. Free to jump, to just jump and know that I'll be okay when I hit the water at the bottom. I know that if I don't jump, the future will not be what it can be. I need to find the confidence to be able to jump off that rock and into the raging waters. God, show me how to remove the doubts. Do whatever it takes so that I don't have those doubts and so that I can jump without a care. Do whatever you need, because I want to jump, to be free to jump and feel the wind through my hair... I want to live out that picture."

That was one of my favourite times of being in God's presence. It wasn't during a worship service... or even quiet time at home. This was me putting my head down for a nap during lunch time one day at my desk at HSBC. I still remember how real it felt... and how free it felt... it has been the defining moment in my life. It was at that moment that I knew there was not other way. The moment I tasted the freedom of jumping off that cliff in total surrender to God's will and purposes for my life, I knew that there would be no turning back. 

And here I am 3 years later... this morning I sat in the ICM office with Martin. He told me that the choice was mine. Sometimes God opens doors and closes doors, but that he felt that God was telling me that the choice was mine. At that moment, I was reminded of all the times that God had left the choice to me. It flooded me with how much God loves me, delights in me, and trusts me. Time after time, God tells me to choose... and I think He does that because He knows that I'll always choose Him. He knows my heart so well..

Life since jumping off that cliff hasn't been the easiest, but as hard as it has been, it has been worth it. Not getting into school after leaving my job for it was NOT fun... but he rewarded that with my job at Christian Action, which I believe God used to open my eyes and to expand my heart. It was NOT fun when my relationship with best friend broke down... but I know that God was just saving me from further heart break and stress. Having to study my degree in Chinese has been difficult... but God is teaching me that this isn't going to be done on my own abilities but only by leaning on His strength and grace. Not getting to go to Cambodia was a huge disappointment, but I know that God was teaching me to not run away and the beauty of His timing. Not getting to do an overseas placement in Canada, and then finding out that my placement was in a VERY local Hong Kong setting has been really frustrating... but once again... this is about what He wants me to do... and not what I think I can do. Losing my job the way I did left me bitter and jaded... but God was once again just protecting me. He does it out of love. 

So this morning, I once again decided that I want to follow God. I want to follow him into what looks uncertain and scary... because I know that through those doors is something greater that He wants to show me. I won't lie, I'm scared that I'll burn out.. I'm scared that I'll get stressed out... I'm scared of what lies in the next 2 years as finish school and pursue this job at ICM, but my heart is also excited. God said this is my next stepping stone. I wasn't wrong when I started, and I never heard wrong... this is the next step in his preparation work for me, so that I get to go out to the place He will call me to go. 

I know that this won't be getting easier... and it's been lonely. I know that God is walking with me... but it's lonely to walk this by myself feeling like I'm the only one who sees what I see... who feels what I feel... that pain... that brokenness... in the world. But I still refuse to settle... I have never regretted jumping off that cliff, and I still don't. I may be either unemployed or making half of what I could be making at the bank... but the fire in my heart wouldn't be burning as strong as it did now if I had stayed. Even thought it's been hard... being in God's will has been worth. Just knowing that I'm walking with Him has been enough to let me know that jumping was the best decision I've ever made!

Tuesday Tossings...

For awhile now I have been waiting to be sent out to the mission field. It's not that I am refusing to accept my time here in Hong Kong, but I also know that there's more in store for me... and that Hong Kong is not it for me. My circumstances in Hong Kong at the moment had gotten me to the place where I simply became impatient. I was so frustrated with everything I see in front of me that I did want to run away from here. To get away from the things that make me angry, the things that make me upset, the things that I simply could not stand anymore. 

In the midst of all that, God finally gave me a glimpse of hope. Finally an understanding of perhaps why has is keeping me in Hong Kong at this time. Another step towards the destiny that God has called me into... Right now I don't know if this is the reason or not, but all I can do is follow obediently. If the door slams in my face again, I will cry for awhile and then I will get up and keep following. I know that what God has called me to do will not be easy, nor did I sign up for an easy path ahead, so I will shake myself off and continue to follow my God down the hard and narrow road. 

I spent my weekend at the Women on the Frontlines conference. Where the speakers were Heidi Baker, Patricia King and Stacy Campbell. Three women who are doing God's work on the frontlines. I know one day, I too will get to see the things that they shared about, that I too will have my time when I get to go out to the frontlines and see with my own eyes. Until then, God has said be patient. He hasn't forgotten, but the time has not come yet. "Be patient and obedient with what I HAVE placed in front of you and let me take care of the rest" says God. So right now all I can do is be patient... not something I am good at, but by His love and grace I will do my best.