Hump day Happenings...

Wow... I managed to let 2015 slip by without any posts... time to get back to writing.

For the past little while, I have been thinking about something... something to do with breaking up. Yes, it is true that in the midst of wedding planning and getting ready for marriage, I am still blogging about this. All I can say is that as we grow, we mature and as part of that maturing process, I reflect on past experiences. Enough justification of myself, onwards to what I have been thinking about. 

I have been thinking about posts that can only be correctly represented by pictures as seen below:

Ok... I totally understand that breakups hurt and they really suck, but is there really a need to destroy someone else? I know that some relationships really are not good for us in the first place and that there are people in abusive relationships where breaking up is much better for them than hanging on. Right now, I am not talking about those types of relationships. I am talking about those relationships where you both really did try, you both really did love and invest all of yourselves into it but still in the end one or both of you decided that this just was not the relationship for you and pulled the plug on the whole thing. 

Yes, I fully understand the need to be angry and feel all your feelings post break-up. We all have to mourn and grieve in our own ways, but can I just say that social media is not the place to vent and release those pent up emotions. Go cry it out with your closest friends, have a drink, punch a wall but for goodness sakes do NOT post all of those feelings on social media! I speak from experience and not just throwing random thoughts out there. 

Whenever I broke up with an ex-boyfriend, I totally wanted to post random hate messages on Facebook or blog, but what would that accomplish? Satisfaction at the sympathy of others? But at what cost? Sure, they might have left me in a mess of emotions I seemed unable to cope with but that doesn't make them a monster. I will not deny that to my closest girlfriends I spat out words about them that were not the kindest, but that was part of the grieving process and done privately. I don't believe heartache is a ticket for verbally abusing someone. God says so clearly in the Luke 6:27-29

27 “But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29 If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them.

It's not easy to do... but I think it's good to keep this in mind. Especially when we are dealing with breakups in the church. God calls us to love enemies... hard words to live by. I really think that this is something we do not talk about enough. Not all relationships in the church work out and lead to marriage, sometimes relationships don't work out and you end up with two disappointed and hurt people... how can we encourage them to move on in a healthy way?

What I am trying to say is that, I do not think it is wise or loving to publicly declare you're ex as public enemy number 1 on social media to accumulate "likes" to make yourself feel like everyone is on your side. On the flip side, I also do not think that the announcement of having "gotten over someone" needs to be publicly declared. Maybe if you're still in high school these are completely acceptable behaviours... 

Anyways, in the end I still stand on what I've posted before in part one and also again in part two. I believe in breakups, as Christians our duty is still to act in love, and therefore forgiveness is a must no matter how hard. In the end, like I have said before, the only person who is stuck when you're holding a grudge is yourself, because no one holds that but you. 

Monday Musings...

I had one of those weekends this past weekends. One of those weekends where you're anxious and there's no right or wrong answer to how you should deal with it. The dilemma of your ex visiting with their spouse. The idea of seeing them was nerve wrecking, what does one do in that situation? It's not that I haven't been in that situation before, and the last time I had to deal with it, God allowed it to unfold in a way beyond my own imagination. Therefore, this weekend must be one of those situations when Jesus looks at me and says "Oh ye of little faith." 

Anyways, this past weekend I had many different encounters. Some encouraging while others infuriating. So I'm gonna borrow a little inspiration from Relevant Magazine. They love doing these "What not to say to a friend ." So I'm gonna do a little what NOT to say to a friend in awkward situations with an ex. It's all in good fun, hope it amuses but encourages at the same time. 

1. Do not assume that your friend is still hung up over that person.
I lost count as to the number of people who told me they were praying for my healing this past weekend. The whole idea of running into an ex and their spouse is anxious enough without everyone hoping that you'll find healing eventually, one day... -__-" In that one well meaning line, you have disregarded all that your friend has gone through in the past x amount of time since the end of the relationship. It's simply an awkward situation and anxiety, in my honest opinion is expected. No matter how over someone you are, it's just mad awkward. Let's remember the feelings of nervousness doesn't stem from still being hung up over the ex. I'm sure memories of old feelings will come up... cause they probably cared deeply for each other, but no need to read too much into the uneasiness that might arise from these memories. 

2. This is not the time to defend your own friendship with the ex.
It's all very well that you may have continued in your friendship with this person, but this isn't the time to defend that friendship. Your friend, on most days don't care that you're still friends with their ex. Be sensitive, an event like this is bound to bring up unpleasant memories that have become dormant and likely unpleasant emotions to go along. As well, all that you liked about their ex as your friend, they probably appreciated it or had an even much more intimate knowledge of those characteristics... that's likely why they were in a romantic relationship in the first place. They know the good and bad... but while you've been able to enjoy the continuance of that friendship with that wonderful person, they have had to sever ties and move on for the health of each other. In most cases, it wasn't just a broken relationship, but the lost of a good friend as well, respect that. 

3. Don't just "check in" via text.
This might be a personal one... but with the increase of ease in communication over social media and with smartphones, a text is so impersonal... I know schedules are busy, and I'm just as guilty of this one myself. Honestly though, there is a huge difference between checking in via text and a phone call. Even bigger... to make that time commitment and spend time with your friend. We constantly forget the importance of human interactions... 10 mins having a short chat with a friend face to face is so much more effective than an hour chat over text. I'm guilty too, and trying to make more effort to call people rather than text, to hangout rather than just text chat. Make an effort to spend time with them, do something fun with them to help them relax and ease their nerves. The more you check-in, the more they'll start thinking that they need to have a crazy break-down. 

This is not an easy situation, but we are probably giving ourselves hard enough of a time. Really, there's no right or wrong. We are bound to make mistakes, do the wrong thing, say the wrong thing on both sides. That's the fun of friendship right? We learn together, and at the end of the day, the grace of God covers over us and allows that we continue to love one another. 

Now to break things up, have a laugh.... BEING THIRD WHEEL... story of my life! hahaha :P

Glimpses of heaven on earth...

I am so grateful that God never allows me go disobey His word. And that time and time again he allows me to see glimpses of heaven on earth... or at least feel what He means when He desires for us to live out Kingdom culture on the earth. So once again, I have had the opportunity to see the things that God puts on my heart come to life. To be allowed the privilage of living out Kingdom culture. This is just one of the many from this past week... it has been ONE CRAZY WEEK! :)

To clarify, I'm talking about this particular blog post... The one where I talked about reconciliation. I have been able to forgive not because of anything I have done... or have not done. I am not a better person because I forgive. It is all by the grace of God that I can forgive and move on. If it wasn't for the love of God which had been poured out for me so abundantly... I don't think I would be where I am today. It is because God had loved me first... therefore I can also forgive and bless you as God would have wanted me to.

"Freely you have received, freely give." ~ Matthew 10:8b

"We love because he first loved us." ~ 1 John 4:19

The above 2 passages come to mind as I ponder on the events of this week. I don't deserve to be mature... or complimented on being mature... it is not me that is doing all these things. I will not stand here and pretend that anything has been done on my own strength or knowledge... It is NOT. 

I know I have not always been the bigger person in this situation... but I am glad that in the end... God brought his peace into the situation. I think it's dumb that it had to explode in this manner... but God has his timing and his place... and I will trust that this was what He had wanted and intended. 

I am still learning so much in this area of reconciliation, and still seeing so many of the ladies around me feeling hurt from lack of closure and reconciliation. Yet I pray that God too can come into those situations and fill them with His peace. I know that God desires unity within his body... and so I will pray that one day... men and women would begin to stand firm in their identities in Christ... and somehow stop trying to bring each other down... intentionally or unintentionally. Haha... that is my ideal... I guess that would be heaven on earth, no? :) 

Saturday Snippet...

Usually during the Christmas season I do an advent countdown of daily blogging... this year, I didn't. Why? I don't have a particular reason as to why... I think I just forgot. In the midst of finishing up placement, classes and starting a new job, everything just got crazy busy! 

So what have I been up to? I have been starting a new job. My new job... Children's Ministry Director with Inner City Ministries. I get the joy of looking after children's sunday school (run on a Saturday afternoon), and various different tutorial sessions throughout the week, as well the daunting task of coming up with a plan.. for efficient and lasting change to their education situations. OMG! hahaha... it's slightly insane! Here's a couple of my monkeys... :P

Aren't they so sweet? hahaha :) 

Anyways... in the midst of this... I find small blessings... and honestly if I don't keep my eyes open and heart focused, I feel like I will easily walk past them. It has been 3 days since I have been able to speak (I have never lost my voice for this long before.) I seriously woke up from a full 8 hours of sleep on Thursday morning to find that I no longer had a voice left. Same thing again on Friday morning.... and still this morning... my voice had not yet found it's way back to me... sigh... and an afternoon of chilling with my monkeys has not helped me to regain my voice any faster! :P

Currently I am trying to study for my one and only final exam this semester... Professional Values and Legal Knowledge.... so... b.o.r.i..n.g.... but distracted by planning of my New Year's trip to Korea! 

Excited for a couple of days away from Hong Kong, and time to spend catching up with some of my favourite ladies in the world. Even though I haven't known them very love... I hold them dear to my heart. :)

Just read this article.... "How to know when to walk away..." I found it interesting... ladies and gentleman... please, please, please don't use the God card when breaking up with someone... it does more damage than good.... I speak as someone who is still dealing with the effects of having been dealt the God card. I'd so much rather be angry with a person... than trying to deal with being angry at God... questioning my own relationship with God... questioning my own ability to hear God... and questioning and second guessing everything that I believe is from God now... That's the least edifying way to end a relationship. Just suck it up... and allow that person to be angry with you instead... and accept that you will not be their favourite person for awhile...

Anyways... enough ranting. I really am loving all new experiences as they come up through my new job... I know everyday that this is a place that God had prepared for me... that this is a job that God had created for me... and that I have been called into this ministry for a reason. Everyday I get small glimpses... and the more time I spend in the new... the more healthy I feel that it has been away. It's not that I have anything against my current friends and church... but it's hard. It's so nice to be with people who don't know... and perhaps that is what makes running away seem like such a nice alternative... but I won't run away. I shall just enjoy the new, while knowing that God has not called me away from my church or current group of friends. 

There is much to give thanks to God for in my life... so with that I hold up my head and say "Blessed be the name of the Lord!"

We can't be just friends...

According to this article.... you and I can't be just friends.... LOL!

On Breaking Up... Part 2

So... over a year ago, I had posted a post on breaking up... here.

And here we are... at my second post about this. I guess I've finally decided to write another post about it because... well... I've been asked about it so many times in the past 2 months. I kid you not... the amount of people I have talked to about breaking up... and heartbreak is too much... that MY heart is starting to feel like it's just been broken all over again. My heart goes out to anyone who has had their heart broken recently! I know it sucks, but persevere through it, I promise... well, not so much just me, but even more so, GOD promises that there's light at the end of what seems like a dark dark tunnel! 

So in my last breaking up post, I wrote about one of the most common questions, which was "Do you ever stop loving that person?" Today, I want to write about what I have decided to deem the most common statement! "I don't want him/her to get over this first." Well.. some form of that statement. 

Let's be honest, we've all said that in breaking up... at some point in the grieving process. Whether in self-pity or anger at the other person for leaving us here in the pit of heartbreak. I know I have said it... more than once... in the past year or so. Maybe not in quite as colourful language as I had in my first heartbreak... but more or less... the statement was proclaimed. 

So going on my theme of taking the higher road... I'm going to throw it out there and say that this thinking is WRONG! I am convicting myself as much as I am talking to the rest of you who are in a competition with your ex to "be the first" to be over the other. Let's get over ourselves already! The getting over process is NOT a competition between you and the ex... it is a process that involves God and you... and maybe people keeping you accountable. The less you know of how the other person is doing... the better. Unless you can hear about how they're doing and be genuinely happy about it...STOP FACEBOOK STALKING THEM! You're honestly just making life worse for yourself.

"Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you." ~ Ephesians 4:31-32 (ESV)

Remember that God called us to love our enemies? The above isn't just a calling for people we love... to not be upset with them... or people we like having in our lives. This is a calling for those who have hurt us and upset us as well. There's no "BUT" in the above statement... that says "BUT if that guy/girl broke your heart, it's okay to hold unforgiveness in your heart." I've checked throughout the whole Bible... it's NOT in there. Sorry... as much we'd all like that passage to be in there... it's just not. 

I know what I'm proposing is not the easiest thing to live out... and I too am figuring out what that looks like. I am not claiming to have this whole breaking-up thing all figured out... but I also know that my God asks of me will always leave me with the least amount of regrets at the end of the day. He has never let me down in the area... ever! If God can bring reconciliation with THE ex... I trust that God can reconcile us to anyone in our lives. Actually scrap that statement! If GOD can reconcile US to HIM... He can reconcile us to anyone!

"All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation." ~ 2 Corinthians 5:18-19 (ESV)

I believe that it is so selfish to proclaim that we don't want the other person to be "better" first. In wishing such things, I no longer live as Christ wishes me to live. I am living by the flesh... and therefore I am choosing to put those thoughts to death in me. I wouldn't want someone else to be wishing death upon me either... that's horrible! Do you want your ex to wish that you stayed miserable until you felt better?! Think about that!

Choose life... choose God... it's hard, but I challenge you to try! When all you wanna curse... life that person up in prayer... and see the work that God does in YOU! Release yourself from the other person... let them be... and allow God to love on YOU! 

That's my 2 cents... hahaha... you can disagree with me if you want... but I stand by what I believe about breaking up! It's what God told me. :)