How can 2015 be here already??

So.. begins 2015... and another birthday has passed.... and that means time for my yearly recap! 

How does one sum up the year 2014? Perhaps let's start with the easy stuff... 2014 I got to visit some new places: Mongolia and Jeju Island. Went back to Edmonton (Calgary and Vancouver inclusive) for 3 and a half weeks... put 1000+km on the rental just from driving up and down HWY 2... haha... all in all a good year of travels. 

GRADUATION happened... finally! At the end of April, I wrote my last final exam and handed in my last group paper ever. By August I received all my papers and could submit everything to become a registered social worker in Hong Kong! The promise of God has finally come to pass... I AM a registered social worker!! I am not equipped... November was the end of this graduation season with the actual convocation ceremony! 

2014 marked the end of 2 years at ICM... marking the end of a contract term... and so began the musings over what would be next. Taking a trip home meant musings of moving back to Canada for some better social work experience that would be more useful than what I felt I received here in Hong Kong over the 800 hours of practicum... Couple that with the fun times to be had with good friends... very very tempting. 

But... as 2014 ends, circumstances change... new contract signed... I shall be staying at ICM and in Hong Kong for the time being. 2014 ended surrounded by some of the people who have really walked through the highs and lows with me this past year... who pushed or at times carried me when I was so tired and didn't want to move on. I guess as 2014 I am infinitely grateful for the people that God has brought into my life this past year... and looking forward to building these friendships.  

I have no idea what lies ahead as I go into 2015... and another year older... but I think God has something up his sleeve and as always I expect nothing but the very best from Him. My prayer for this year is that God will reveal a glimpse of the plans and purposes that He has for me... 

I think this picture is a great representation of 2014... the past several days was raining and gloomy... but then it became a beautiful day. 2014 was not the easiest of years... and ridiculously gloomy at times but as it ended... it turned out to be a pretty good year. 

Monday Musings...

Wow... I don't think I have posted all summer... how bad am I at this??

So I spent most of September in Canada... living off a blow up mattress in Vron's living room. It was absolutely amazing because it was exactly what I needed. To get out of Hong Kong where I find myself constantly wound up like a rubber band gun... ready to shoot when the trigger is released... Anyways, can share more about that later. 

This past Saturday was my first day back at work... and first full day of being back at our newly renovated centre! Praise Jesus! The place looks absolutely fantastic! I was jetlagged... I was under prepared... but it felt right to be back. Near the end of Kids Club, some of the youth girls walked in along with a younger sibling in tow. The younger sibling is a little girl who I've had the honour of getting closer to over my past (almost) 2 years here at this job. She's the sweetest girl ever. She comes in, I say hi and she dumps this piece of clear plastic into my hand and we exchange the below lines:

little girl: It's for you.
me: What is it?
little girl: It's a diamond!
me: Aww... it's even yellow, my favourite colour. Thanks.

To be honest, it looks like those plastic rocks you put at the bottom of a fish tank. It also wouldn't be the first time that one of my kids walks in and hands me garbage with the description of it being a gift for me. Yet, at that moment I felt like a queen. Sure it wasn't a real yellow diamond, but this little girl deemed me worthy of receiving a diamond! 

Despite the silliness of all this, it reminded me of this post. Of the time when God revealed to me what it meant to be a diamond for God. In the midst of all this diamond talk due to weddings and engagements happening all around me... and in the midst of my self-pity sessions wondering why no one deems me worthy of being picked... or deserving of a diamond ring on a finger, God reminds me of His love for me. Some days are harder than others and I think God just wanted to gently nudge me and remind me that putting Him first is NEVER a bad choice. 

So that's my Monday musings over plastic yellow rocks. Hope you all have an awesome week ahead! 

weekend reminders....

from hiking during CNY holidays! :)

It's been awhile since the last post... not for any particular reason. Mostly due to writers block... just haven't been inspired to write. I think some days I'm still recovering from the madness of working and doing my placement hours... that was so incredibly hard and draining on me that I can't find words to describe what a hard time those six months really were.

A couple of things came up this past weekend... things that reminded me of why I'm on the path that I'm on to begin with. The first thing was that "God doesn't need us to be perfect, He just needs us to be broken." Very simply, the name of this blog is "Beauty in the Broken." I know that it is always out of my brokenness that God does the most because He is the most glorified when I am broken. He strength is made perfect in our weakness. So I was reminded that I too come from a place of brokenness, but God didn't leave me in my brokenness. He restored me to wholeness before I was allowed on my way to the better things that He had prepared for me. Therefore, I was reminded that it is okay to be broken. I can allow myself to be broken... I don't have to hide it, nor do I have to avoid it.

The next reminder was "run to something, not away from something." This whole journey started with me running away from something, but that has all been put right. God used my disobedience and turned it into a story for His glory. I no longer have anything to hide from, or to run away from. God proved this so beautifully in my last trip home to Canada. I have also learned that running away from things solves nothing... and running away from God definitely makes nothing better. God wants us to run directly into His arms, He wants us, desires for us to run recklessly abandoned into Him. I've learned that lesson... that my job is to run to Him... so that all I am is abandoned into who He is, because it is in that place that I find rest, and peace... and it is in that place where I need not worry about anything.

The final thing that has been up is a comment that many have been saying to me, and that is "At least you know what your calling is!" I have been finding that comment so funny... because I don't feel like I know what my calling is, or at least I feel like I've lost sight of it. The picture that God gave me seems so murky lately. I think it's mostly because I am finishing up my masters degree soon and I thought that in the past 2.5 years as I have been completing my schooling as God has asked, that He would have made that picture more clear as the time went... or that I'd have a better idea of what I am to be doing once I finish my masters degree in social work. Yet, as the final semester slips away, I am left with no clearer a picture than the first day I started classes at CUHK. Regardless of how murky I feel that my future looks, it's nice to be reminded that God put passions and desires in me, He's also given me many promises that goes along with those passions and desires.  

These are all things that I know... but I needed the reminder. To be reminded once again that not knowing what lies ahead is okay. To know that I am walking towards God and that I need to continue to make Him my focus. The best is to be reminded that God has given me passions and purposes... that this path has not been started in vain, or on reckless decisions, but on  months of wrestling with God and praying and walking with Him before running straight at Him, recklessly abandoning all that makes sense in the worldly realm. At the end of the day... it's okay to be scared, to not know... and it's definitely okay to be completely broken by all that I encounter on a daily basis... When I don't let it break me, I know my heart becomes hard, and I am not soft to move freely in the Spirit with God. When I demand to have a firm grip on my life, and demand to know all the details of that which lies ahead, I'm telling God that I no longer trust Him and that I know better.

You know, life really hasn't been easy... but at the end of the day I trust that God knows that He is doing, so I keep walking. :)

I will stand firm...

Lol! This made me laugh... because I say "I"m just being honest" alot... does that make me a jerk?? OH NO!!!

On other things.. been an extremely frustrating day... but I think the enemy is trying really hard to take me off course. Like REALLY hard! So many things coming my way... which means I really need to get off my arse and make it to EMP and PRAY for the new season ahead. Pray for work... pray for everything that is in my life... and all that has not arrived yet. 

I walked back and forth the CU campus... not once... but TWICE... I went to one building... walked to another.. back to that same building... and then back to that other building... twice!!! TWICE!! And it's so disgustingly humid outside... not impressed.

Disunity in the workplace... or trying to cause disunity in the workplace... so I shall ignore what sounded like discouragement... and continue to do my job. I know that this job is where I am to be at, and I'm going to stay put here.

Another job with more money... trying to give me significance where I had craved significance before?? I'm flattered... and tempted... but I said no. I know that this job is where I am to be at, and I'm going to stay put here.

Need to further ground myself in God... and to remove the things that not belong in my life. Victory is already mine through Christ. So I will claim that... need to claim that... must claim that and stop losing... Prayers much appreciated! 

Almost to the end... or the beginning of something new :)

So... some questions I've been asked a lot in the past month is:
1. So, now what?
2. How are you feeling?
3. Are you worried?

Rather than trying to answer these questions a bazillion times (I'm so loved! :P) I'm going to just blog this, ok?

Let's start with how I'm feeling, which will be tied together with "Are you worried?" Someone gave me a verse... and I think it is a good representation of how I am feeling.

"And God's peace [shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earhtly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." ~ Philippians 4:7, The Amplified

I am at peace with what is going on in my regarding this area of work. Yes, I may have lost my job, and don't have a next step ready. But I am quite at peace about it. I'm not really anxious or worried. My God has shown up time and time again to show me that He is Jehovah Jireh. God is the one who gave me this job that I have lost... and before I lost my job, He reminded me that even if I were to lose this job, it would be by His hand. He would have allowed it because He is in control... therefore He must have a reason and purpose for it. So I trust that my God is up to something, and all that is left for me to do at this time is to seek Him! I am excited, because no work means I get to spend time with God! :)

When this verse was given to me, I was actually reminded of another verse that comes before this. 

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand;do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." ~ Philippians 4:4-6 (ESV)

Someone one wrote me an email about this verse awhile ago... the peace comes from knowing and being confident in knowing that "the Lord is at hand." The idea that God is there, He is not far... He is ready to fight for me... Whenever I get nervous or scared, I just have to reach out my hand, and He will be right there. The email comes with a really happy and cute picture... and it was a good reminder for me. :) 

Having said all that, so now what? Honestly, I don't know. Right now, at least for the next 5 days I will be busy paper writing for my last 2 papers... to finish of Year 1 of my degree! Then spend some time meeting up and catching up with people, as well as spending some time asking, seeking and knocking with God. Then... it's off to Australia for 3 weeks to spend some quality time with my 2 bestests from good ol' E-town! Placement will commence within 2 weeks of my return... and we will see what God has revealed by then to give you a further update on what I will be doing next.

I don't know what's next, but I'm excited about it. God has been speaking alot... confirming alot... or just reassuring a lot. I know that this next season might not be easy... but He has been reminding me that His ways are higher than mine, and His way is ALWAYS worth it! So with that as my anchor, I will keep walking into the murky waters knowing that my God loves me and that because He gave up His life for me... all that I may encounter will be worth it!  

So I am doing very well, thank-you for asking. :)

It's gonna be worth it...

This is the latest song....

I don't understand Your ways
Oh but I will give You my song
Give You all of my praise
You hold on to all my pain
With it You are pulling me closer
And pulling me into Your ways

Now around every corner
And up every mountain
I'm not looking for crowns
Or the water from fountains
I'm desperately seeking, frantic believing
That the sight of Your face
Is all that I'm needing
I will say to You

It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it all

I believe it, I believe it
When I see Your face, it's gonna be worth it all
Even through trials and tribulation
When I see Your face, it's gonna be worth it all

You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it all

Monday Morning Musings...

How is it possible that it is once again March?!

Anyways... so last week in the midst of my random internet surfing, I came across an ad for a job. My old church E3C was looking for a new Children's Director/Pastor. Let's get real honest here for a moment... I seriously considered applying for the job, and wanting it. And if they'd have me, to give up on everything here to move back to Edmonton.

Last week I reached my breaking point. I couldn't understand why I was at this job, I even forgot why I was in school... I wanted to just give up on all of it and run away. To run back to where I was comfortable, where I was safe... I just couldn't stand Hong Kong anymore. 

It got to the point where I got to class on Saturday, and completely disengaged myself from the group... our class only has 10 people and our prof. So when I disengage, it's pretty obvious. It also didn't help that I had to do do role play in Chinese... and I just couldn't get over the language and cultural barrier that's been pre-set up for me. I've set up that wall for myself... and my classmates constantly reinforce that wall for me. It's not their fault... but their concern has been turning into a confirmation that my Chinese is poor as is my understanding of Hong Kong culture. (I don't say Chinese, because it's not Chinese culture. It's Hong Kong culture...) 

After my horrid performace in class... I pretty much spent the rest of that class trying to figure out how I could either transfer into an English speaking program somewhere in North America... or better yet to just quit and apply for that job I'd seen earlier in the week. The idea of returning to my old comfort zone was... well... comfortable. 

Then came God's slap in the face... to wake me up I guess. I got to 180 to find out that Enoch was speaking on Calling. Blah. Calling... the same word that came up when I was deciding between Hong Kong and Cambodia. That this is all a part of His calling for me. More... BLAH. :P

Walking into the calling that God has for me has not been an easy road. It's been lonely... it's been tough... and then I hear Bomi Kim's voice blasting "it's gonna be worth it" in my head, and God opens more doors or hints at them... and I know that I must continue to persevere down this narrow path that God has destined for me to walk. Most of my brattiness is starting to leave... but there's still a part of me that wishes to run away to hide in my corner... because I know that this road will only get rougher. 

It's gonna be worth it...
It's gonna be worth it all...