Journal Entries... 3

Hmmm... it has been awhile since I've done a blog entry... and even longer since I've done an old journal entry. So, I've decided to do an old journal entry, this one is circa February 2010.

"Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not see him now, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory." ~ 1 Peter 1:8

It is easy to love someone and believe in someone when you can see them. When they are a tangible presence in your life, it is easy to care about them. Just like it is easy to thank God and praise God when all of His blessings in our lives are visible to us. When we cannot see His blessings, it gets harder to trust and believe that God is good and that He loves us.

On Breaking Up... Part 2

So... over a year ago, I had posted a post on breaking up... here.

And here we are... at my second post about this. I guess I've finally decided to write another post about it because... well... I've been asked about it so many times in the past 2 months. I kid you not... the amount of people I have talked to about breaking up... and heartbreak is too much... that MY heart is starting to feel like it's just been broken all over again. My heart goes out to anyone who has had their heart broken recently! I know it sucks, but persevere through it, I promise... well, not so much just me, but even more so, GOD promises that there's light at the end of what seems like a dark dark tunnel! 

So in my last breaking up post, I wrote about one of the most common questions, which was "Do you ever stop loving that person?" Today, I want to write about what I have decided to deem the most common statement! "I don't want him/her to get over this first." Well.. some form of that statement. 

Let's be honest, we've all said that in breaking up... at some point in the grieving process. Whether in self-pity or anger at the other person for leaving us here in the pit of heartbreak. I know I have said it... more than once... in the past year or so. Maybe not in quite as colourful language as I had in my first heartbreak... but more or less... the statement was proclaimed. 

So going on my theme of taking the higher road... I'm going to throw it out there and say that this thinking is WRONG! I am convicting myself as much as I am talking to the rest of you who are in a competition with your ex to "be the first" to be over the other. Let's get over ourselves already! The getting over process is NOT a competition between you and the ex... it is a process that involves God and you... and maybe people keeping you accountable. The less you know of how the other person is doing... the better. Unless you can hear about how they're doing and be genuinely happy about it...STOP FACEBOOK STALKING THEM! You're honestly just making life worse for yourself.

"Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you." ~ Ephesians 4:31-32 (ESV)

Remember that God called us to love our enemies? The above isn't just a calling for people we love... to not be upset with them... or people we like having in our lives. This is a calling for those who have hurt us and upset us as well. There's no "BUT" in the above statement... that says "BUT if that guy/girl broke your heart, it's okay to hold unforgiveness in your heart." I've checked throughout the whole Bible... it's NOT in there. Sorry... as much we'd all like that passage to be in there... it's just not. 

I know what I'm proposing is not the easiest thing to live out... and I too am figuring out what that looks like. I am not claiming to have this whole breaking-up thing all figured out... but I also know that my God asks of me will always leave me with the least amount of regrets at the end of the day. He has never let me down in the area... ever! If God can bring reconciliation with THE ex... I trust that God can reconcile us to anyone in our lives. Actually scrap that statement! If GOD can reconcile US to HIM... He can reconcile us to anyone!

"All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation." ~ 2 Corinthians 5:18-19 (ESV)

I believe that it is so selfish to proclaim that we don't want the other person to be "better" first. In wishing such things, I no longer live as Christ wishes me to live. I am living by the flesh... and therefore I am choosing to put those thoughts to death in me. I wouldn't want someone else to be wishing death upon me either... that's horrible! Do you want your ex to wish that you stayed miserable until you felt better?! Think about that!

Choose life... choose God... it's hard, but I challenge you to try! When all you wanna curse... life that person up in prayer... and see the work that God does in YOU! Release yourself from the other person... let them be... and allow God to love on YOU! 

That's my 2 cents... hahaha... you can disagree with me if you want... but I stand by what I believe about breaking up! It's what God told me. :) 

Monday (not so Morning) Musings..

So... it's been awhile since I've done a Monday Morning Musings entry... but thought I would sit down and give it a go today. :)

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." ~ John 13:34-35

This is one of my favourite passages, and part of Justin's message from Saturday. :) Nothing is as nourishing and encouraging to the soul as when He confirms the things that He shares through those around you! 

Other than that... more so than Justin's message for community, this passage is my heart for what it means to be a family of God. This is so central to being different from the world and society around us. For me, this is what makes reconciliation within the community possible... and also why even though it is hard, it is a must in the family. 

I'm learning to see how much of an idealist I am, but my desire is not to make life difficult for everyone. I know this is hard to live out... I struggle with it on a daily basis, but this is the lifestyle that God has challenged me with. Because through this... we get to experience Heaven on earth. 

I'll be honest, lately my desire to live out this verse... and to encourage it has been wavering. I have seen so much pain... so much hurt... hurts that warrant revenge more so than forgiveness and reconciliation. Pain that tugs at my heart to demand that justice be done for my sisters in Christ... but this past weekend God reminded me that is not His way. 

Right now, I don't know how this works. How do you encourage forgiveness when someone is so obviously hurting so badly? At the moment, I am at a lost... I know only to pray. I am waiting on God for His plan. At the moment, all I know is that when we lay down our lives, our pride... God comes through and changes things in the Spiritual which will overflow in the physical. What seems impossible to the world is completely possible with God... and with that in mind... I will continue to push into this. I want people to know what we can't settle for what is acceptable and expected by the rest of the world.. that they can want more, and that God will allow them to reach the more only if they allow Him!

In Christ Alone...

But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

 At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there.  Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” 

 “No one, sir,” she said.

“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

(John 8:1-11)

So, seven years ago, God revealed this passage to me. He revealed it to me when I went on my first short term missions trip. (I say first because I don't count Grand Prairie as my first trip... I was being paid to be up there, it was my job.) Anyways... first missions trip, we went up to Assumption, a Aboriginal Reserve in northern Alberta. It was on this trip when this passage basically came to life for me. It wasn't because I saw the girls in the woman, but because I found myself in her. 

It was my first encounter with God when I began to realize that I was so unworthy, and so undeserving of His death on the cross. It was the beginning of me starting to see how broken I was as a person, and how deserving of death I was... but because of Christ I stand uncondemned. Never before that summer had Jesus' words to the woman "Then neither do I condemn you, go now and leave your life of sin," pierced to deeply into my heart. Never had His words reflected so clearly to me the dire state I was in, and how desperately I was in need of God. 

Since then... I had realized how little of it was about what I did in someone else's life while on a missions trip, but what God did for them on a daily basis. The desire for others to meet with God was because of this unconditional love that He pours out... the acceptance and reassurance of who we are that can only come from our Heavenly Father.  How do you share that with someone if you've never reached that place of desperation for God yourself? If you don't understand what a gift it is that we have in Christ... how undeserving we are of it... how do you share what with others?

Last Monday, I went to watch Nefarious. A documentary about sex trafficking. The facts about sex trafficking wasn't what broke me down into tears, it was watching the testimonies of the girls share about their encounters with Jesus. On their faces, it was so evident that they had come face to face with the unconditional love of Christ... that they had found their acceptance and worth in Christ when nothing else could get through to them. It immediately brought me back to the passage in John 8. Through the testimonies of these girls who had been trafficked, my God took me deeper into that story. He showed me the brokeness of that woman... the guilt and shame... the hopelessness... the lack of self worth... the rejection... and how HE was the only one who could come in and wipe that from their hearts and their minds... and reveal to them how precious they are.

I came out of that so angry... and so frustrated at God. I didn't want to finish school no more, I just wanted to get out into the field... to reach these girls.... to introduce them to Jesus... to see those life transformations for myself... but all He kept telling me was that the time has not yet come, and that I was not yet ready. 

Then this past Sunday... I really wanted prayer. Well... I've been wanting prayer for a while now... but I've been too proud to walk up to the front for prayer... or ask any of my friends for it. The American Korean man asked me what I wanted prayer for... I said healing of my heart. As he started to pray... what came out wasn't what I had anticipated... but He called out that God wants to use me, to reach girls like myself... to bring healing to them... to help them... that I was to be a mighty warrior for God.

I could do nothing but cry... because nothing has changed... God hasn't forgotten... we are still on the right path... my time will come. One day, I will see John 8 come to life before my very eyes... He's promised.    

Waiting.. deserts.. and other things...

So... I have returned from the Adventures of Us - Down Under Edition. I've returned drained... and as RQ would say... rather chilled and mellowed out. 

Many thoughts plague me as I stepped off the plane. I return with a heavy heart and clouded mind... haunted by the feelings and thoughts that I once had so long ago... tired of the mental battle within myself that I'm changed... that I'm stronger... that I'm a new creation. 

Perhaps somethings never change... perhaps some gaps can't be bridged... or perhaps that gap has simply widened over time and distance. Whatever the reason, the distance remains. But it is not this gap not distance that I want to talk about... but what has remained within me after so many years.

Words of death... I now realize why I've developed such negative speech patterns... such demeaning speech patterns. I'm sorry. God and I are gonna work on that one... failed today already. *sigh*

My 3's a crowd mentality... let's not even get started on that one. Definitely wanna kick this one to the curb.

So many destructive thinking patterns brought up in the past couple of weeks... thank goodness God calls me a work in progress..

Reflections aside... I feel my God is asking me to continue waiting. I'm not really sure what it is that I am suppose to be waiting for me... I have some guesses... but that is not important because it's not really about waiting for something... at the end of the day, it's all about waiting for God. So He has asked me to wait patiently for Him to do His thing. 

So why the picture above? Hahaha... which is not really something someone says to someone who is waiting. I need to not waste another minute avoiding this lesson, or period of waiting... or time in the desert that God is trying to take me into. 

My thoughts are all over the place... basically... a time of waiting is before me... and I'm being reluctant to enter it... because waiting is hard for me.  But I will go knowing that He has gone before me to prepare this place for me.

 

A Prayer for a Lukewarm Heart

Dear Friends, I hope you find this challenging... :)

A Prayer for a Lukewarm Heart:
O Infinitely Passionate Father,


You have created me with the capacity for deep affections — to love, to loathe, to desire, to delight, to excite, to grieve, to laugh, to enjoy, to fear, to be depressed, to be thankful. And you made me this way that I may glorify you by finding you my Supreme Satisfaction and the Fountain of everything delightful.


But I confess that my affections for you are often grievously tepid while my selfish interests steam.

• I am bold to defend my own honor and reputation and often timid to defend yours.
• I am quick to satisfy my bodily appetites and often slow to feed my soul with the Bread of Life.
• I squander moments devoted to communing with you while carefully protecting moments devoted to banal entertainment.
• I am distracted from speaking with you by books that need straightening, email that needs answering, and a bald spot in the yard that needs seeding.

I am easily and foolishly concerned with worldly success and prosperity while languid and unmoved about the greater things of another world!


And I know that my errant affections are most offensive to you when I hear of the infinite height, depth, and length, and breadth of your love for me in Christ Jesus,

• Of your giving your infinitely dear Son to be offered up a sacrifice for my sins,
• Of the unparalleled love of the innocent, holy, and tender Lamb of God, manifested in his dying agonies, bloody sweat, loud and bitter cries, and bleeding heart,
• And all this to redeem an enemy like me from deserved, eternal burnings, and give to me unspeakable and everlasting joy and glory,
• And my response is cool, lethargic, and indifferent.

O gracious Father, thank you that your Son’s great sacrifice is so great and so sufficient that it pays even for such sins of erroneous affections!


But, my affectionate Father, I am humbled to the dust that I am not more affected at what affects you! I repent of being “slothful in zeal”! No more, Father! Make me boil in spirit as I serve you (Romans 12:11)! To be moved by your glorious gospel and precious promises (2 Peter 1:4) is why you gave me affections! Nothing in earth or heaven is greater or more important.


Today, I take to heart your Son’s warning: “Would that you were either cold or hot! So, because you are lukewarm… I will spit you out of my mouth” (Revelation 3:15–16). Merciful Father, make me hot! Whatever it takes, whatever it costs me, give me the Spirit-salve for my heart-eyes (Revelation 3:18) so that I may see what is Real, believe what is True, treasure what is Valuable, and forsake what is worthless.


In the name of Jesus, your glorious Son, the Pearl of Great Price, amen.


This prayer was inspired by and adapted from a portion of Jonathan Edwards’s book, Religious Affections (the last three paragraphs of Part 1).


________


Previous posts from Jon Bloom —

• If You Feel Overwhelmed, Eat!
• The Cross Guarantees the Death of Our Dark Guest
• When the Angel Didn't Come

Almost to the end... or the beginning of something new :)

So... some questions I've been asked a lot in the past month is:
1. So, now what?
2. How are you feeling?
3. Are you worried?

Rather than trying to answer these questions a bazillion times (I'm so loved! :P) I'm going to just blog this, ok?

Let's start with how I'm feeling, which will be tied together with "Are you worried?" Someone gave me a verse... and I think it is a good representation of how I am feeling.

"And God's peace [shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earhtly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." ~ Philippians 4:7, The Amplified

I am at peace with what is going on in my regarding this area of work. Yes, I may have lost my job, and don't have a next step ready. But I am quite at peace about it. I'm not really anxious or worried. My God has shown up time and time again to show me that He is Jehovah Jireh. God is the one who gave me this job that I have lost... and before I lost my job, He reminded me that even if I were to lose this job, it would be by His hand. He would have allowed it because He is in control... therefore He must have a reason and purpose for it. So I trust that my God is up to something, and all that is left for me to do at this time is to seek Him! I am excited, because no work means I get to spend time with God! :)

When this verse was given to me, I was actually reminded of another verse that comes before this. 

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand;do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." ~ Philippians 4:4-6 (ESV)

Someone one wrote me an email about this verse awhile ago... the peace comes from knowing and being confident in knowing that "the Lord is at hand." The idea that God is there, He is not far... He is ready to fight for me... Whenever I get nervous or scared, I just have to reach out my hand, and He will be right there. The email comes with a really happy and cute picture... and it was a good reminder for me. :) 

Having said all that, so now what? Honestly, I don't know. Right now, at least for the next 5 days I will be busy paper writing for my last 2 papers... to finish of Year 1 of my degree! Then spend some time meeting up and catching up with people, as well as spending some time asking, seeking and knocking with God. Then... it's off to Australia for 3 weeks to spend some quality time with my 2 bestests from good ol' E-town! Placement will commence within 2 weeks of my return... and we will see what God has revealed by then to give you a further update on what I will be doing next.

I don't know what's next, but I'm excited about it. God has been speaking alot... confirming alot... or just reassuring a lot. I know that this next season might not be easy... but He has been reminding me that His ways are higher than mine, and His way is ALWAYS worth it! So with that as my anchor, I will keep walking into the murky waters knowing that my God loves me and that because He gave up His life for me... all that I may encounter will be worth it!  

So I am doing very well, thank-you for asking. :)

My thoughts... this Am

Okay... I was reading the newspaper this moring and I'm just so saddened... or maybe I'm being overly sensitive, but it made my heart cry.

This is the article that I was reading. And these were the things that made me sad... maybe I should stop reading The Standard.... it's actually such bad news reporting...

"According to Social Workers' General Union president Peter Cheung Kwok-che, the traditional view of marriage being an "iron contract" has broken down over the years as the younger generation absorb more liberal, Westernized values.

...

Hong Kong Institute of Family Education chairman Tik Chi-yuen said the survey points to a social trend in which young adults favor a "fantasy marriage" based on romantic love and youth.


He attributed this to the preponderance of overseas romantic movies and dramas that almost always end in an exchange of marital vows. Local television also plays its part, Tik said. For example, an ongoing local reality show called Brides Wannabes showed single women getting schooled by professionals on the art of snaring an eligible partner."

"Westernized values"? What exactly are these westernized values?! Forget the finger-pointing and the blaming game. I had started this as an "I'm so dissatisfied and angry at HK people for always blaming others for their problems." But... I must repent of my anger, and my own bias towards my own people. Let's look at the bigger picture... which is that this the enemy's attack on God's picture and plan for marriage. I believe in God, and Jesus and the Holy Spirit, so to me there is only one picture of marriage that is correct, and that is God's!

In Mark 10 Jesus says, "But at the beginning of creation God 'made them male and female.' 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." 

There is no such thing as fantasy marrige. All those movies, K-dramas, Canto-dramas, Taiwanese dramas, chick flicks, reality TV shows... etc etc... their depiction of marriage has so distorted what God had intended for marrige.

In Genesis 2, "The Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

In Ephesians 5, Paul describes marriage as "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church - for we are members of his body. 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' This is a profound mystery - but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

To unravel all of that theologically took Tim Keller like 7 sermons, so I'm not even gonna get into that. My point is that marriage is not meant to be easy... it is meant to be self-less. A dying of yourself, to pick up the cross to follow Christ. It is for God... to bring God glory, not to satisfy our own desires, or dreams or whatever. Perhaps you may find me idealistic... but too "Godly"... I can't control that. These are my thoughts... and I believe that marriage was desigined by God, to bring glory to God, and it makes my heart cry when I see what it's been turned into... and how easily people can divorce nowadays...

This is war my friends. And... in many parts of the world... in many marriages... the enemy is winning. Are you willing to stand in the gap for this? To take back for God what belongs to Him?!

Race and the Horrific Frequency of Abortion

Race and the Horrific Frequency of Abortion:
Tucked away near the bottom, and easily out of sight, is one of the compounded tragedies of abortion. The profoundly disproportionate number of black babies being aborted.


Every child is created in God's image and is knit together by him in the womb. Every child, of every race, is God's design and gift (Psalm 139:13). None should be killed.


And when there are historic and contemporary evidences that certain minorities are targeted by the abortion industry, the loss is compounded by the lurking sin of racism.


Let these numbers (these persons, these babies) sink in. Then do the research for your own state or vicinity.


With thanks for the significant work of Minnesota Citizens Concerned for Life, here are the statistics on abortion in Minnesota for 2010.


11,505 abortions were performed — an average of more than 33 every single day.


• 34% of the abortions were paid for with taxpayer funds.

• 35% of the abortions were performed by Planned Parenthood — more than any other provider.

• 21% of the abortions used the dangerous and sometimes lethal RU486 abortion drug.
• 4% of the abortions were performed on women under age 18.

• 43% of the abortions were performed on women ages 18 to 24.

Abortion as birth control:

• 42% of the women reported that they had at least one previous abortion.
• 881 of the women reported that they had three or more previous abortions.
• 16 of the women reported that they had nine or more previous abortions.

Abortion complications:

• 22 complications were reported by women at the time of the abortion, including cervical laceration and hemorrhage.
• 142 complications have been reported by women after leaving the abortion provider, including hemorrhage, infection requiring hospitalization and incomplete abortion.

Reasons given for abortions:

• 32% of the women reported "Economic reasons."

• 63% of the women reported "Does not want children at this time."

• Less than 1% of the women reported that the pregnancy was a result of rape or incest.

Minnesota abortions show racial disparity (2009 Data)





If this "hidden" statistic grips you enough that you want to connect with others who share the concern, here are a few websites and resources to make the connections:

• Black Genocide
• National Black Pro-Life Coalition
• The National Black Pro-Life Union
• Did You Know?

________


Recent posts from John Piper —

• The Mega Millions Lottery Is a Suicidal Craze
• Bonhoeffer on Abortion
• Trayvon Martin, Race, and the Gospel

Returned from Seoul Searching... :)

  

Well... Korea has come and gone. Here are some pics from my phone.... the ones on the camera will be posted when I have time to go through them... :P 

This was the verse that kept coming up time and time again during my time in Korea and even before Korea:

"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks received, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" ~ Matthew 7:7-11

So... before going to Korea, one of the things that were heavy on my mind was the high abortion rate. I've known this for awhile, and have been quite interested in Korea ever since I heard it. So as I was planning my trip, this was something that was on my heart. I didn't want to go to Korea to just... well... eat and shop. Well... I did want to eat lots, but less so shopping, but was wondering and asking God what He wanted me to do. Why He was asking me to go to Korea at this time. I didn't know what I could possibly do while I was in Korea since I knew nothing about the place.. and nothing of their language... (other than random phrases and food names..)

Well... when God is in control, God is really in control. On Thursday night, we went to this Harp and Bowl Prayer House thing... and during intercession time, the girl announces that "Tonight, we will be praying for abortions in Korea." I was completely broken... completely floored, and completely overwhelmed by how much my God loves me! If there had been any doubt in my mind that God had brought me to Korea... I was no longer doubting. When you ask God to help your unbelief... He really does!

But God doesn't stop there... He keeps going. Good Friday service... a message about the bondage of pornography, sex trafficking, sex trade, abortion, sexual immorality... materalism... God is opening my eyes and heart to the issues that I care about within the Korean context. Why? I don't know... but I've been completely blown out of the water by the way He has orchestrated every single min of my trip!

Ahhh... I wish I could write out every single detail and thought that crossed my mind during this trip, but I cannot. Hahaha... that might take way too long! One thing I can share is that I left feeling full of hope and full of joy that my God knows what He is doing. Despite my circumstances, I know that my God is good... and that He is in control! :) So... I believe this next season will be one of asking, seeking and knocking... and doors WILL open... confirmations will be given!

So... the feeling of anticipation of these crazy things to come continues! :) God is so so so good!

Monday Musings...

So weekend started with me losing my job... (I still have to finish off the month of April though...) For now, I'm gonna keep my thoughts on this subject off the blog... because there are still signs of me being being angry about this... I'll share more when I am ready. But I will say that I trust that God is behind this, that He has His reasons, and that ultimately it will be in my best interests.

So they fire me Friday night... and I still have to wake up to go to work on Saturday morning... *grumble grumble* But His mercies are new every morning... and that is the only thing that could get me out of bed to make my way to work Saturday morning. Spent the afternoon sitting at PCC whilst I wait for 180 to start. Finished some reading for school! :) But my favourite part of the afternoon was getting a random chance to talk to someone I don't normally get to talk to... and to hear about something that was obviously quite dear to their heart!

I LOVE hearing someone talk about something that they are passionate about! There is nothing like watching someone's face lights up as they talk about something that they really care about!

Sunday... early morning start for AM worship... I love my church family. That is all I have to say. Just when I thought my season of crying was coming to an end... completely broke down in ugly wailing crying when RQ prayed for me. Rebelliously refused to receive the word and prayer pyoo was trying to give... overall a very eventful Sunday morning. Ended the day with finding out that there will be cherry blossoms in Korea while I'm there this weekend.... I am going looking for them! Hopefully this will result in some worth blogging pictures when I come back!

I'm once again entering back into the unknown... but I know that God will take good care of me in this time... and I don't know... there's this sense of anticipation building within me... and a feeling that God is about to show me something big. EEK! :)

Article on Opposites...

Good article... wise words. :)

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/relationship/features/28648-opposites-attack

Bonhoeffer on Abortion

Bonhoeffer on Abortion:
Dietrich Bonhoeffer is claimed as a patron saint by theological schools, ranging from God is Dead to evangelical conservatives. Eric Metaxas sees his biography as one step in the rescue of Bonhoeffer from the most bizarre misuses of his thinking.


Along the way he points out, for example, Bonhoeffer’s clear and strong views on abortion. They are decisive on the immorality of it, and pastorally compassionate toward the persons in crisis.

Destruction of the embryo in the mother’s womb is a violation of the right to live which God has bestowed upon this nascent life. To raise the question whether we are here concerned already with a human being or not is merely to confuse the issue. The simple fact is that God certainly intended to create a human being and that this nascent human being has been deliberately deprived of his life. And this is nothing but murder.
A great many different motives may lead to an action of this kind; indeed in cases where it is an act of despair, performed in circumstances of extreme human or economic destitution and misery, the guilt may often lie rather with the community than with the individual. Precisely in this connection money may conceal many a wanton deed, while the poor man’s more reluctant lapse may far more easily be disclosed.
All these considerations must no doubt have a quite decisive influence on our personal and pastoral attitude towards the person concerned, but they cannot in any way alter the fact of murder. (Quoted in Eric Metaxas, Bonhoeffer, 472, paragraphing added)

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Spirit of Rejection... be GONE!

"So then, brothers,we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him." ~ 1 Corinthians 8:12-17

So I've been thinking about something latley. My life as a kid. I've been wondering if I felt rejected as a child, and therefore now I am living that out in my life. Or still living in the spirit of rejection. It's not that my childhood was terrible or unhappy, but I've just been wondering about it. I have 2 reasons for why I've been thinking about this, 1) my family was expecting me to be a son 2) my grandfather.

Let me tackle the more simple of the two... my family was expecting me to be a son. I don't know why... or how... but from weird Chinese superstition my family was expecting me to be a son, and even had a boy's name waiting for me when I was born. Let's try to explain this a little more... Chinese families favour sons because they carry on the family name. My dad was also the oldest son in the family, so for them to be expecting a son... I think I must've been a pretty big deal. When I turned out to be a daughter, I wonder if there was disappointment. There must've been... especially from my grandmother. She cares so much about her reputation and "status" in the family... that having the first male grandson would bring her. I don't know if it was in my head, or I just don't understand her, but I always felt like she favoured my brother over me. (He's the first male grandson.)

Perhaps this is why I always had this attitude that I could do whatever boys did... and I'm just as good. Perhaps subconsciously I've been fighting for my place in the family to fight the rejection that I felt because I was a daughter and not a son. Now add this in with a mother who doesn't really encourage girly behaviour and dressed me up as a boy as a kid... and didn't encourage girly dresses and stuff... that's probably why I am the way that I am now. Now I'm almost 30... I think I'm finally starting to find myself... and where I really fit in between my trying to be a boy... and the girly side within me.

Now for the more complicated part of the equation... my grandfather. You see, he had 2 wives... and growing up, my grandfather was only around for lunch... and then he would leave and return to his other home. Maybe a part of me always called that "his real home." I don't know... as a child I didn't understand.. and now... I still don't understand what was going on. I know my grandmother must've felt quite rejected... she carries around a very large spirit of rejection... (God bless her soul, I hope she can find the freedom that is in Jesus soon!). So... I think I eventually subconsciously developed a sense that we were the rejected grand children. It's not true... but as a child, you absorb... and that's what I absorbed. 

I think this is the base of much irrational fears of rejection and abandonment. BUT... God has given me His Spirit... and I am a child of God. I live by the Spirit... which will put to death all of this... which were the result of the deeds of the flesh. I do not fall back into that fear... or a spirit of slavery to these things, but I live free and full of life in Christ. So spirit of rejection, I BREAK you. I claim my identity in Christ as a beloved daughter of God that no matter what my past has dictated, I am free from that because Christ has given me the Spirit of adoption and I am now part of a bigger family who loves and accepts me for who I am regardless of my gender.  

Fruit in unexpected places...

"For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, 'Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.'" ~ 1 Corinthians 1: 26-31

Recently, God used a time when I was so broken and dead on the inside to bring me to my knees in humility. Or perhaps He just wanted to drive a point home... which was no matter what state I am in, if I am obedient, He will use me to bring Him glory. 

Back in 2007... a year which is full of much frustration for me, I was helping out at my home church every Friday night at our high school fellowship. (AKA Petros). Don't miss the point, I loved those kids... each and everyone of them. I had a lot of fun with them... but I also knew that I wasn't investing as much time and effort... and basically myself as I would've liked... always leaving me to wonder if my presense even had much impact on them. Because I was still in a place of a lot of hurt... I wasn't quite as transparent with them as I would've liked... and therefore resulting in a wall between us.

Awhile back, one of those kiddies got in contact with me. (I guess they're not really kiddies, since they're all in university now..) I was floored to read her message. I think it actually made me cry. Hahaha.... :P I never knew that I had any impact on them... but I guess now I know. And recently I found out that she went and took mystory (the video from several months ago) and had shared it. Hahaha... I am humbled. Because that was not me... the only way I could have left any impact or impression upon those kiddies was if God had done it. 

Sometimes God gets me to do things which makes no sense to me at the time... but later (and sometimes it's years later) God reveals the reason. I think this is God's way to encouraging me and remind me that no matter how much something doesn't make sense, God had purposed it and it will all be for His glory. And it will all make sense... eventually.

Thank-you God. You are so awesome!  

Praising Others is Not Optional

Simple concept... but such a hard thing to live out... for myself anyways.

Praising Others is Not Optional:
God-centered praise of those who are not God is not optional. A fire not stoked goes out. A refrigerator unplugged rots the eggs. A garden not tended erupts with weeds. Affirmation is the fire-stoking, refrigerator-electrifying, garden-tending side of relationships. Relationships in which commendable things are not commended, but overlooked, take on a flavor. The relationship is marked, and we take on a reputation to those around us.

Barnabas is called the “son of encouragement.” What’s my reputation? Mr. Crabby Pants? Old Lady Battle-Axe? Miss Nit-Pick? We bring refreshment to relationships when we unleash so many affirmations that those around us lose track.
I am not suggesting a checklist approach to life. Healthy affirming is more organic, a way of living. It’s more like romance than rocket science. It’s less like knitting (with its knit one, pearl two) and more like the weather – how much rain is enough? Well, that depends on how dry it’s been. And what are you trying to grow – a watermelon or a tumbleweed?

Jesus said, “As you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.” (Matthew 25:41) If you didn’t affirm them, you didn’t affirm him.

The thing that compounds a deficiency in affirmation is a surplus of corrections in a relationship. Corrections outweigh affirmations. They have greater impact individually. The sting of rebuke outweighs the fresh whiff of a bouquet of affirmations. A person sniffing flowers when a bee stings quickly forgets the flowers, even if the bouquet is very large. If a pattern of corrections is outweighing the affirmations, the sting stays with us, and added corrections are like picking at the scab made by the sting.

A rash word is like a sword thrust (Proverbs 12:18). It only takes a moment to cut somebody with a sword, but it takes a long time to heal, and is aided by ointment, and even then it might leave a scar. Affirmations are like ointment that can assist the healing.

When we don’t affirm those around us enough, they stop hearing our corrections, eventually stop listening to us altogether, and perhaps become oppositional toward us. Conversely, affirmations gain a hearing for us. The principle is this: people tend to be influenced by those who praise them. It’s true in marriages, families, classrooms, churches, and even true in our relationship with God, for what does he inhabit? Answer: the praises of his people.

Puritan Richard Baxter said, “They love those who best esteem them highest. The fault of these admirers can be extenuated and easily forgiven. If you would have his favor, let him hear that you have magnified him behind his back and that you honor him…”

John Calvin says, “We readily believe those whom we know to be desirous of our welfare, connecting the hearing of those around us with our manifest goodwill toward them, which is made manifest by commending them when they reflect Christ.”

Affirmation is the purpose of the universe – specifically affirmation of God. Lord, help me honor you and refresh others by commending the work you are doing in them.
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This was the third and final installment of Sam’s blog series, “Practicing Affirmation: The Art of Praising Others” (part one, part two).

The Journal Entries... 2

August 30th, 2011
I was at Kingdom Culture with Kris Vallotton and he said "Your destiny relies on your history, testimony and prophecy."

I wrote: ... then perhaps one day there will be a generation where boys and girls are both confident in their relationships with Christ that they can love each other as brothers and sisters in the way that God had intended.

...

God I will continue to trust that you will continue to lead me to where I need to go. I'm still at CKM for a reason and you let me get into CUHK for a reason. So I will wait to see what your purpose for making me do school this way is. I want to be that light that people had prophesized over me. Help me to be that light.
 
August 30th, 2010
"Having faith often means doing what others see as crazy. Something is wrong when our lives makes no sense to unbelievers." ~ Francis Chan from Crazy Love

August 30th, 2009

"So we set our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." ~ 2 Corinthians 4:18

And then God said: You said you wanted eternal joy and not temporary/momentary happiness, here is the answer. You want to see heaven on earth? Then keep traveling on the road less traveled. You wanted to know the desires of my heart. To break your heart with the things that break my heart. I didn't give you a passion to have you work a cushy well praying job within HSBC risk management. That HSBC door was opened because it was the only way you would come all the way back to Hong Kong at that time. But what are you doing now? Do you want to waste another 10-20 years before you'll answer my calling for your life? Great things require great sacrifice.

Trust me. Just trust me and take the plunge into the raging river.

It's gonna be worth it...

This is the latest song....

I don't understand Your ways
Oh but I will give You my song
Give You all of my praise
You hold on to all my pain
With it You are pulling me closer
And pulling me into Your ways

Now around every corner
And up every mountain
I'm not looking for crowns
Or the water from fountains
I'm desperately seeking, frantic believing
That the sight of Your face
Is all that I'm needing
I will say to You

It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it all

I believe it, I believe it
When I see Your face, it's gonna be worth it all
Even through trials and tribulation
When I see Your face, it's gonna be worth it all

You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it all

Monday Morning Musings...

How is it possible that it is once again March?!

Anyways... so last week in the midst of my random internet surfing, I came across an ad for a job. My old church E3C was looking for a new Children's Director/Pastor. Let's get real honest here for a moment... I seriously considered applying for the job, and wanting it. And if they'd have me, to give up on everything here to move back to Edmonton.

Last week I reached my breaking point. I couldn't understand why I was at this job, I even forgot why I was in school... I wanted to just give up on all of it and run away. To run back to where I was comfortable, where I was safe... I just couldn't stand Hong Kong anymore. 

It got to the point where I got to class on Saturday, and completely disengaged myself from the group... our class only has 10 people and our prof. So when I disengage, it's pretty obvious. It also didn't help that I had to do do role play in Chinese... and I just couldn't get over the language and cultural barrier that's been pre-set up for me. I've set up that wall for myself... and my classmates constantly reinforce that wall for me. It's not their fault... but their concern has been turning into a confirmation that my Chinese is poor as is my understanding of Hong Kong culture. (I don't say Chinese, because it's not Chinese culture. It's Hong Kong culture...) 

After my horrid performace in class... I pretty much spent the rest of that class trying to figure out how I could either transfer into an English speaking program somewhere in North America... or better yet to just quit and apply for that job I'd seen earlier in the week. The idea of returning to my old comfort zone was... well... comfortable. 

Then came God's slap in the face... to wake me up I guess. I got to 180 to find out that Enoch was speaking on Calling. Blah. Calling... the same word that came up when I was deciding between Hong Kong and Cambodia. That this is all a part of His calling for me. More... BLAH. :P

Walking into the calling that God has for me has not been an easy road. It's been lonely... it's been tough... and then I hear Bomi Kim's voice blasting "it's gonna be worth it" in my head, and God opens more doors or hints at them... and I know that I must continue to persevere down this narrow path that God has destined for me to walk. Most of my brattiness is starting to leave... but there's still a part of me that wishes to run away to hide in my corner... because I know that this road will only get rougher. 

It's gonna be worth it...
It's gonna be worth it all...  

Forty-Year-Old Light on How to Translate “Son of God” for Muslims

I found this really interesting! Hope you enjoy it as well! :)

Forty-Year-Old Light on How to Translate “Son of God” for Muslims:

Writing in 1972, J. I. Packer sheds light on the contemporary debate over how to translate the term “Son of God” in Muslim contexts. A common Muslim misconception is that Christians believe Jesus was God’s Son by procreation with Mary, so that there are at least two gods — the Son and the Father.

Motivated by a desire to remove unnecessary stumbling blocks for Muslims, some have advocated translating the Greek behind “Son of God” in a way that does not carry such biological connotations. That means avoiding such Father and Son language. But historically, the problem of ambiguity in Jesus’ Sonship has been solved by context and teaching, not translation.

What Packer contributes to the debate is the observation that the apostle John already faced this ambiguity when he wrote his Gospel. And he points out that the way John dealt with it was not by rejecting the terms Father and Son, but by making clear in the context what they mean. My conviction is that we should take the risks John did, and let the New Testament context do its work the way he intended.

Packer writes, “John knew that the phrase ‘Son of God’ was tainted with misleading associations in the minds of his readers. Jewish theology used it as a title for the expected (human) Messiah. Greek mythology told of many “sons of gods,” supermen born of a union between God and the human woman.”

But, Packer observes, “John wanted to make sure that when he wrote of Jesus as the Son of God he would not be understood” in those wrong ways. He wanted “to make it clear from the outset that the Sonship which Jesus claimed . . . was precisely a matter of personal deity and nothing less.”

To make sure of this, he did not reject the language of Father and Son. Instead, Packer says, he wrote his famous Prologue (John 1:1–18). “Nowhere in the New Testament is the nature and meaning of Jesus’s divine Sonship so clearly explained as here.”

1. In the beginning was the Word. “Here is the Word’s eternity. He had no beginning.”



2. And the Word was with God. “Here is the Word’s personality. The power that fulfills God's purposes is the power of a distinct personal being, who stands in an eternal relation to God of active fellowship.”



3. And the Word was God. “Here is the Word’s deity. Though personally distinct from the Father, he is not a creature; He is divine in himself, as the Father is.”



4. All things were made by him. “Here is the Word creating. . . All that was, was made through him.”
   
   
5. And the Word became flesh. “Here is the Word incarnate. The baby in the manger at Bethlehem was none other than the eternal Word of God.”

Now after showing us who the Word is, John reveals him as “God’s Son. “We have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father” (John 1:14). “Thus John . . . has now made it clear what is meant by calling Jesus the Son of God. . . [It is] an assertion of his distinct personal deity.” (J. I. Packer, Knowing God [London: InterVarsity Press, 1973], 48–50.)

The difficulties of Bible translation are enormous. My veneration for men and women who have given their lives to it is deep. The debt we owe them is profound. I also have spoken with Muslim background believers who are risking their lives for believing the truth that Jesus is the Son of God. Some feel betrayed by the removal of this language from the Bible.

J. I. Packer shows us that the potential misunderstanding of “Son of God” was there from the beginning. The remedy for it was not the rejection of the term. The remedy was the New Testament itself — in all its controversial and self-interpreting fullness.

In addition to context, there are teachers. The ascended Christ gave teachers to his church to explain things (Ephesians 4:11). And he sent us to the nations to proclaim and to teach (Matthew 28:20). And if we are to teach like Paul (five hours a day in the hall of Tyrannus in pagan Ephesus for two years, Acts 19:9–10) we will need a solid, accurate, reliable text that can bear rigorous scrutiny.

Lord, raise up an army of translators and teachers like this.

[This article also appears in the March 10th issue of World Magazine.]

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