Monday Musings...

You know it occurred to me the other day that it has been 9 years since I found myself in the pit that I never thought I'd be able to climb out from. 9 years since I said good-bye to what I was talking about back in this post from 2005. In previous years, I always remember but in the past 2 years I've been so busy in the month of May that it'd just pass by without me even realising it. Perhaps that's what people mean when they say that wounds heal over time.

We sang this song sometime ago - Anchor by Hillsong.

The words are so hard to sing... but yet I know they're true. The words in the bridge are

Your name is higher

Your name is greater

All my hope is in You

Your word unfailing

Your promise unshaken

All my hope is in You

For me, I feel like it takes all the faith I have within me to sing out these words. To stand and proclaim that ALL my hope is in Christ and that His word never failed and His promise will always stand. To say that Christ is the anchor of my soul, the one thing that I can hang onto when all starts to fall apart or away. I know it's true, but right now I'm just having such a hard time living out those words. To live out my life with Christ as my anchor, to live as if no matter what blows my way everything will be okay because all my hope is in God who will never fail me.

But... when I look back on my life. When I look at who I was 9 years ago and who I am today I know that Christ has definitely been the anchor for my soul. If I hadn't been anchored in Him, I would never have made it. I wouldn't be able to be where I am today. I know it is only in my belief that God will never fail me that I was ever able to take steps out in faith. So as I wrestle with God in this season of doubt, or faith crisis or whatever it is I feel like I am wrestling through... I know that I need to hang on to God for dear life because that is the ONE thing that will never let me down. (Even when it doesn't feel like it.... and believe me, it don't feel like it lately.) 

A little bit of God... inspired by Furious6...

So I was watching Furious 6 (aka Fast & Furious 6) on Sunday. Anyone who knows me, knows that I love the F&F franchise, with the exception of 2Fast 2Furious, and the 4th one because I can't for the life of me remember what happened in that movie. Anyways, I was indulging my love of the F&F franchise on Sunday. 

So, one of the scenes that stuck out to me in the movie was the scene where Letty and Dom just finished racing and they pull into some random deserted lot (in the middle of London?!). She still has no recollection who he is, but he slowly describes her scars to her. Describing for her not only the stories behind each scar but revealing how much he understood of her character. Just watch the movie if you want to know what I'm talking about. 

After this, it was about time to get ready for church. I got ready and headed to church for the usual 4pm service at The Vine. This is what God said to me during service: 

You know who knows every scar you have and the story behind each scar? It is I, Jesus. I not only know the story behind every scar, I know each emotion you felt in the situation, more than that, I felt it with you. But you know what's even more amazing? (He showed me my heart.) You see each scar on your heart, I know each and everyone one of those scars. I know and have felt every single heart break with you. Small or big, I know and understand each and every single stab at your heart that you have felt. I know my daughter. Yet I don't just know, I'm here to heal them, to mend them, and to refill your heart, and restore your heart anew. 

Jesus, as usual, had caught me off guard. It wasn't what I was expecting on Sunday but also exactly what I needed to hear from Him. It's been awhile since I've allowed myself to be transparent before Jesus... good step. Small step, but a step in the right direction nonetheless. *sigh*