For awhile now I have been waiting to be sent out to the mission field. It's not that I am refusing to accept my time here in Hong Kong, but I also know that there's more in store for me... and that Hong Kong is not it for me. My circumstances in Hong Kong at the moment had gotten me to the place where I simply became impatient. I was so frustrated with everything I see in front of me that I did want to run away from here. To get away from the things that make me angry, the things that make me upset, the things that I simply could not stand anymore.
In the midst of all that, God finally gave me a glimpse of hope. Finally an understanding of perhaps why has is keeping me in Hong Kong at this time. Another step towards the destiny that God has called me into... Right now I don't know if this is the reason or not, but all I can do is follow obediently. If the door slams in my face again, I will cry for awhile and then I will get up and keep following. I know that what God has called me to do will not be easy, nor did I sign up for an easy path ahead, so I will shake myself off and continue to follow my God down the hard and narrow road.
I spent my weekend at the Women on the Frontlines conference. Where the speakers were Heidi Baker, Patricia King and Stacy Campbell. Three women who are doing God's work on the frontlines. I know one day, I too will get to see the things that they shared about, that I too will have my time when I get to go out to the frontlines and see with my own eyes. Until then, God has said be patient. He hasn't forgotten, but the time has not come yet. "Be patient and obedient with what I HAVE placed in front of you and let me take care of the rest" says God. So right now all I can do is be patient... not something I am good at, but by His love and grace I will do my best.
18 Sept 2012
15 Sept 2012
Early Friday Mornings...
God: Why are you asking for a message in the sky?
Me: Because I want you to confirm things.
God: But you already heard me in the still small voice.
Me: Oh... but...
God: What other way are you expecting me to speak?
Me: I said message in the sky?
God: Do you need to go and read about Elijah again?
Me: No... point taken. You win... again. I'll make things happen.
Me: Because I want you to confirm things.
God: But you already heard me in the still small voice.
Me: Oh... but...
God: What other way are you expecting me to speak?
Me: I said message in the sky?
God: Do you need to go and read about Elijah again?
Me: No... point taken. You win... again. I'll make things happen.
12 Sept 2012
I don't know I'm beautiful...
The simple truth at the moment... I don't believe what God has spoken... and you know how he got my attention? Through a One Direction song...
"If only you saw what I can see"... God says it to me so many times.... those were the words of Karla from 2010 as well. "If you could only see what I'm seeing!" God wants me, He has orchestrated every single detail of my life as it is at this moment because there is one thing that he really wants me to do... you could even say "one direction" in which he wants me to go in... hahaha...
It's hard for me... for as long as I can remember, I've been told that I'm fat... that I'm ugly... that I'm average... but do you know that God is telling me that I'm stunning? That I have the power to light up a whole room. That I am so incredibly beautiful. These are the things that God says to me... and I still haven't reached that place where I can see nor understand those words. Those words still have not been able to take root in my heart... and be lived out....
"If only you saw what I can see"... God says it to me so many times.... those were the words of Karla from 2010 as well. "If you could only see what I'm seeing!" God wants me, He has orchestrated every single detail of my life as it is at this moment because there is one thing that he really wants me to do... you could even say "one direction" in which he wants me to go in... hahaha...
It's hard for me... for as long as I can remember, I've been told that I'm fat... that I'm ugly... that I'm average... but do you know that God is telling me that I'm stunning? That I have the power to light up a whole room. That I am so incredibly beautiful. These are the things that God says to me... and I still haven't reached that place where I can see nor understand those words. Those words still have not been able to take root in my heart... and be lived out....
8 Sept 2012
Frustrations...
I was thinking about how lucky I am to have grown up in North America today... and especially to have grown up in Alberta... and even Edmonton at that. Somehow that upbringing puts division between other Hong Kong people and myself. This, I hate. I dislike that some look to me in admiration thinking that I am of a different social class because I had the good fortune to grow up overseas and am fluent in English. Then there is the group of the opposite who seem to look at with scorn because of my western background and treat me like I'm a horrible person out to make them look bad. To be very honest, this is one reason why I don't want to work in a local setting.
That's not what got me to start thinking though. I was thinking about this because I was asked about career planning today. It breaks my heart that 17, 18 year old young people feel the pressure to decide what they want to do for the rest of their lives. I remember being their age and being completely lost and not really knowing what I wanted out of life. I had this crazy dream of becoming a pediatrician, which quickly faded when my marks in life sciences related courses were so bad! But regardless, that was what university was for... exploration! I had the freedom to go from dreaming of a career as a doctor, then in neuroscience, then forensics, then actuarial sciences... and at the end of it came out of university with a bachelor of science in mathematics and mathematical sciences. Which followed with my starting work in banking... and x number of years later, here I am unemployed and studying my masters in social work! What a journey it has been!
Then again... before even getting there, I had the freedom to apply for universities as I pleased. There was never a real fear that I wouldn't get into ANY university... I don't understand Hong Kong's students fear of not being able to fight for a spot in the universities in Hong Kong. If you were an honours student... you were most likely gonna get in. Then again, there was no perception that if you didn't get into university, you'd be a failure. The stigma of going in a trade... or community college is not has bad as it is here in Hong Kong. I had okay marks, and had the freedom of applying to any university within Canada... and even wrote my SATs so that I could apply for schools in the US... but that's a whole 'nother story.
It just breaks my heart that these young people are so anxious and stressed out about this. That they're so worried about filling in their university application wrong and making a mistake that will affect them for the rest of their lives. That is some crazy pressure! There seems to be no flexibility. Perhaps, it's also because I come from parents who either a) didn't get to go to university or b) went to university but decided to change career paths after working in that field... so I have the fortune of having parents who have given me a lot of freedom to make decisions and change my mind.
Sure... I had friends who knew what they wanted to do at the age of 14... but they were few and rare. Most of them were just as lost and confused as I was. I wish I could tell them to just pursue the things on their hearts... but I'm afraid of getting angry phone calls from various parents complaining about "bad" advice I was giving to their children. *sigh* We'll see... I'm just gonna trust that God will give me the right words to share when I talk to these kids.
On other things... my dream is so close. It's actually within grasp... but I believe I am the one who needs to step out to open the door to reach for it. Right now I'm just starring at the door and wondering if I even want to walk through it... if that door is even suppose to be for me. Everything that I had been walking towards... well... the ONE thing that I was walking towards since I took that plunge into the raging waterfalls with God back in 2009... it's so close. It wasn't what I thought it would look like, but it's pretty darn crazy... and it's exactly one of the things which have been on my heart! Now if only I had the courage to take that step out...
That's not what got me to start thinking though. I was thinking about this because I was asked about career planning today. It breaks my heart that 17, 18 year old young people feel the pressure to decide what they want to do for the rest of their lives. I remember being their age and being completely lost and not really knowing what I wanted out of life. I had this crazy dream of becoming a pediatrician, which quickly faded when my marks in life sciences related courses were so bad! But regardless, that was what university was for... exploration! I had the freedom to go from dreaming of a career as a doctor, then in neuroscience, then forensics, then actuarial sciences... and at the end of it came out of university with a bachelor of science in mathematics and mathematical sciences. Which followed with my starting work in banking... and x number of years later, here I am unemployed and studying my masters in social work! What a journey it has been!
Then again... before even getting there, I had the freedom to apply for universities as I pleased. There was never a real fear that I wouldn't get into ANY university... I don't understand Hong Kong's students fear of not being able to fight for a spot in the universities in Hong Kong. If you were an honours student... you were most likely gonna get in. Then again, there was no perception that if you didn't get into university, you'd be a failure. The stigma of going in a trade... or community college is not has bad as it is here in Hong Kong. I had okay marks, and had the freedom of applying to any university within Canada... and even wrote my SATs so that I could apply for schools in the US... but that's a whole 'nother story.
It just breaks my heart that these young people are so anxious and stressed out about this. That they're so worried about filling in their university application wrong and making a mistake that will affect them for the rest of their lives. That is some crazy pressure! There seems to be no flexibility. Perhaps, it's also because I come from parents who either a) didn't get to go to university or b) went to university but decided to change career paths after working in that field... so I have the fortune of having parents who have given me a lot of freedom to make decisions and change my mind.
Sure... I had friends who knew what they wanted to do at the age of 14... but they were few and rare. Most of them were just as lost and confused as I was. I wish I could tell them to just pursue the things on their hearts... but I'm afraid of getting angry phone calls from various parents complaining about "bad" advice I was giving to their children. *sigh* We'll see... I'm just gonna trust that God will give me the right words to share when I talk to these kids.
On other things... my dream is so close. It's actually within grasp... but I believe I am the one who needs to step out to open the door to reach for it. Right now I'm just starring at the door and wondering if I even want to walk through it... if that door is even suppose to be for me. Everything that I had been walking towards... well... the ONE thing that I was walking towards since I took that plunge into the raging waterfalls with God back in 2009... it's so close. It wasn't what I thought it would look like, but it's pretty darn crazy... and it's exactly one of the things which have been on my heart! Now if only I had the courage to take that step out...
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