"Your grace is enough." Everything that has happened in my life is a testimony of how God's grace is enough for me. It is all that I need, it is what sustains me. It is what has released me from my prison of lies... from all of my bondage. It is this grace that has restored joy in my heart. It was all by God's grace that I am where I am right now. I would never have been able to get to this place. I would not have this place at all. I would still be bonded, so angry, depressed, butter, no hope, no faith. I would probably still hate myself. ~ July 25, 2009
I found this as I was reading through old journals. I remember this day well, I was on the plane coming back to Hong Kong after having gone for a friend's wedding. When I left Hong Kong, there had been some drama in my life and I was sitting on the plane praying and journaling about letting go of all that into God's hands and getting ready to start afresh.
That season of my life has been haunting me alot recently. I have had many strange dreams and nightmares. So today, I decided to do some digging back into that time in my life. What I found was not what I had expected. I actually don't even know what I was looking for... maybe just a nice walk down memory lane. Except that wasn't what I found because it wasn't a nice walk down memory lane. It was a blatant slap in my face.
Considering it's also been 3 years since my last blog post... things of course have changed a lot in my life. I got married, had a baby... and now that baby turns 2 in a few days. I started and finished a job as a school counselor AND started a new project manager role with a new NGO. Still that only accounts for my possible lack of blogging and does not account for what I found through some old emails and journals.
What I found was that I had changed... and not for the better. I had backtracked so far... it's a disgrace. I am so far from where I was that everything on this blog seems to have been written by someone else entirely! How ridiculous is that?! I am at a loss of words at myself... so I guess this blogpost serves as one of many steps I am taking to not "fix" myself but to 1) rediscover Christ and what that means personally and 2) to rediscover myself... and the things that used to make me who I was and how that all fits into who I am now as a wife, mother and worker.
If anyone still follows this and reads this... prayers are much appreciated!
