I had one of those weekends this past weekends. One of those weekends where you're anxious and there's no right or wrong answer to how you should deal with it. The dilemma of your ex visiting with their spouse. The idea of seeing them was nerve wrecking, what does one do in that situation? It's not that I haven't been in that situation before, and the last time I had to deal with it, God allowed it to unfold in a way beyond my own imagination. Therefore, this weekend must be one of those situations when Jesus looks at me and says "Oh ye of little faith."
Anyways, this past weekend I had many different encounters. Some encouraging while others infuriating. So I'm gonna borrow a little inspiration from Relevant Magazine. They love doing these "What not to say to a friend." So I'm gonna do a little what NOT to say to a friend in awkward situations with an ex. It's all in good fun, hope it amuses but encourages at the same time.
1. Do not assume that your friend is still hung up over that person.
I lost count as to the number of people who told me they were praying for my healing this past weekend. The whole idea of running into an ex and their spouse is anxious enough without everyone hoping that you'll find healing eventually, one day... -__-" In that one well meaning line, you have disregarded all that your friend has gone through in the past x amount of time since the end of the relationship. It's simply an awkward situation and anxiety, in my honest opinion is expected. No matter how over someone you are, it's just mad awkward. Let's remember the feelings of nervousness doesn't stem from still being hung up over the ex. I'm sure memories of old feelings will come up... cause they probably cared deeply for each other, but no need to read too much into the uneasiness that might arise from these memories.
2. This is not the time to defend your own friendship with the ex.
It's all very well that you may have continued in your friendship with this person, but this isn't the time to defend that friendship. Your friend, on most days don't care that you're still friends with their ex. Be sensitive, an event like this is bound to bring up unpleasant memories that have become dormant and likely unpleasant emotions to go along. As well, all that you liked about their ex as your friend, they probably appreciated it or had an even much more intimate knowledge of those characteristics... that's likely why they were in a romantic relationship in the first place. They know the good and bad... but while you've been able to enjoy the continuance of that friendship with that wonderful person, they have had to sever ties and move on for the health of each other. In most cases, it wasn't just a broken relationship, but the lost of a good friend as well, respect that.
3. Don't just "check in" via text.
This might be a personal one... but with the increase of ease in communication over social media and with smartphones, a text is so impersonal... I know schedules are busy, and I'm just as guilty of this one myself. Honestly though, there is a huge difference between checking in via text and a phone call. Even bigger... to make that time commitment and spend time with your friend. We constantly forget the importance of human interactions... 10 mins having a short chat with a friend face to face is so much more effective than an hour chat over text. I'm guilty too, and trying to make more effort to call people rather than text, to hangout rather than just text chat. Make an effort to spend time with them, do something fun with them to help them relax and ease their nerves. The more you check-in, the more they'll start thinking that they need to have a crazy break-down.
This is not an easy situation, but we are probably giving ourselves hard enough of a time. Really, there's no right or wrong. We are bound to make mistakes, do the wrong thing, say the wrong thing on both sides. That's the fun of friendship right? We learn together, and at the end of the day, the grace of God covers over us and allows that we continue to love one another.
Now to break things up, have a laugh.... BEING THIRD WHEEL... story of my life! hahaha :P
Anyways, this past weekend I had many different encounters. Some encouraging while others infuriating. So I'm gonna borrow a little inspiration from Relevant Magazine. They love doing these "What not to say to a friend
1. Do not assume that your friend is still hung up over that person.
I lost count as to the number of people who told me they were praying for my healing this past weekend. The whole idea of running into an ex and their spouse is anxious enough without everyone hoping that you'll find healing eventually, one day... -__-" In that one well meaning line, you have disregarded all that your friend has gone through in the past x amount of time since the end of the relationship. It's simply an awkward situation and anxiety, in my honest opinion is expected. No matter how over someone you are, it's just mad awkward. Let's remember the feelings of nervousness doesn't stem from still being hung up over the ex. I'm sure memories of old feelings will come up... cause they probably cared deeply for each other, but no need to read too much into the uneasiness that might arise from these memories.
2. This is not the time to defend your own friendship with the ex.
It's all very well that you may have continued in your friendship with this person, but this isn't the time to defend that friendship. Your friend, on most days don't care that you're still friends with their ex. Be sensitive, an event like this is bound to bring up unpleasant memories that have become dormant and likely unpleasant emotions to go along. As well, all that you liked about their ex as your friend, they probably appreciated it or had an even much more intimate knowledge of those characteristics... that's likely why they were in a romantic relationship in the first place. They know the good and bad... but while you've been able to enjoy the continuance of that friendship with that wonderful person, they have had to sever ties and move on for the health of each other. In most cases, it wasn't just a broken relationship, but the lost of a good friend as well, respect that.
3. Don't just "check in" via text.
This might be a personal one... but with the increase of ease in communication over social media and with smartphones, a text is so impersonal... I know schedules are busy, and I'm just as guilty of this one myself. Honestly though, there is a huge difference between checking in via text and a phone call. Even bigger... to make that time commitment and spend time with your friend. We constantly forget the importance of human interactions... 10 mins having a short chat with a friend face to face is so much more effective than an hour chat over text. I'm guilty too, and trying to make more effort to call people rather than text, to hangout rather than just text chat. Make an effort to spend time with them, do something fun with them to help them relax and ease their nerves. The more you check-in, the more they'll start thinking that they need to have a crazy break-down.
This is not an easy situation, but we are probably giving ourselves hard enough of a time. Really, there's no right or wrong. We are bound to make mistakes, do the wrong thing, say the wrong thing on both sides. That's the fun of friendship right? We learn together, and at the end of the day, the grace of God covers over us and allows that we continue to love one another.
Now to break things up, have a laugh.... BEING THIRD WHEEL... story of my life! hahaha :P
