Ok... it's been awhile since I've done an entry... last weekend was a long weekend and... the long awaited Justice Conference!!
I will do a different entry to talk about my lack of blogging lately. Today I want to share my thoughts from Justice Conference. Things had been so busy that I wasn't really able to get excited about it until a couple of days prior to the opening of the conference. And it wasn't even until I was talking to a friend about it that I bothered to look up the speakers to find out what they were all about. The conversation wasn't important, it was what I found that got me excited about the weekend... I discovered this blog post from Eugene Cho! The man's views on abortion was what I've been talking to people about... and I was excited to hear this man speak!! Ok... given abortion was not really a big topic at the Justice Conference... and it's not like he was talking about it... but I was excited to hear his thoughts on justice and God.
All the practical advice at the conference can be shared another time. It was when he spoke at the conference on Friday night when God really smacked me. It was that night when I realized just how incredibly exhausted I was from trying to juggle everything. As much as I love my job and know that I am doing what I am suppose to be doing... I hadn't been aware of how crazy drained I was... spiritually, mentally, emotionally... I had been pouring everything into my job that I had neglected to take care of myself. Well... a part of me was using it as a disguise to some of what I was really feeling on the inside... or rather as a distraction from having to deal with some of the other crap that was going on in my life...
So... 2 things from that night. First that I was exhausted... and that I needed to take down the fortress I had built around myself so that God and others can come back into my life to help carry me forward. I'm not meant to live in alone but in community. Then second in relation to community was the line from Eugene Cho. "If you're thinking that the grass is greener on the other side, that's the Holy Spirit prompting you to water your own grass!"
How are these things related? In trying to avoid dealing with certain issues in my life, I had distanced myself from my own community. As a result I had stopped watering my own lawn... and so began the "grass is greener on the other side" syndrome... and I began to entertain thoughts of finding new community rather than seeing the problems in myself that I wasn't dealing with. Anyways... God smacked me, and now I am recommitting myself to my community and watering my own lawn. :)
As for dealing with the crap in my life... working on it. You know it's so much easier to tell everyone else that the most important aspects of any relationship is truth and honesty... but when I actually have to put that into practice I had such a hard time. I know that eventually I will put it into practice, but I just need a little more time to gather up my courage before I step out in faith. I know that God is always on my side and He always takes care of me. So I just need to walk out in obedience in all that I believe that He calls me to do. More on that another time...
Justice conference was eye opening in some practical ways... and very refreshing for myself personally. So proud of The Vine and all the volunteers who helped to make it possible! So thankful for a glimpse of God's heart... sometimes I lose sight of the bigger picture, this past weekend was a reminder to look at the bigger picture and not be stuck on the things I see immediately in front of me. Thank-you Jesus!! :)
