Learning from Peter today...

Immediately he made the disciples get into the boat and go before him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds. And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, but the boat by this time was a long way from the land, beaten by the waves, for the wind was against them. And in the fourth watch of the night he came to them, walking on the sea. But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, "It is a ghost!" and they cried out in fear. But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, "Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid."

And Peter answered him, "Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water." He said, "Come." So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, "Lord, save me." Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?" And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God." ~ (Matthew 14:22-33)

Peter asked God for confirmation, not in the sense for God to reveal himself, but for God to reveal that he is God through Peter. He didn't say, if you are Jesus then send fire from heaven or something. He told Jesus to show his power through himself. How often do I ask God to reveal himself, but I sit there on my butt lazily waiting for Him to do so? How often do I sit there starring at the path before me, and ask God for some crazy sign to know that it is the right path? But sometimes... it's just "come. I am waiting at the end." No spectacular fireworks display in the sky, no talking bush... no angels... just His still small voice asking us to come.

When Jesus told Peter to come, it was to go towards Jesus... to come closer to Jesus. Isn't that what God does? When we ask God for revelation, He says come... come near to me. Come near to me so that you can see ME more clearly... It's not about the circumstances or about the path... it's about Him. When I see Him more clearly, it means I understand His heart more clearly... and that means I will also understand what He wants for me more clearly.

But drawing closer to God is not an easy task... there will be "winds"... and when these come... it's so easy be like Peter, become afraid... and we start sinking. We start drowing in our own fears and anxieties. Fortunately God does not leave us drowing... when we cry out to Him, he IMMEDIATELY reaches out His hand to take hold of us. Then they are safe in the boat with Jesus once again.

I've been feeling like Peter... I know it was God calling me when I stepped out but when the circumstances got tough, I doubted... and I started drowning. Except I seem stuck in that place of fearing... and I need to get into that place where I realize that it's got nothing to do with God... but it is simply I who have stopped believeing that He is in control. Now it's time to cry out to God for Him to restore the faith... to restore the hope... to be safe in God's presense once again. I think God is really teaching me to not let circumstances... "winds" affect doing what God wants me to do. To not let them drown me... but to stay strong and rooted in God's calling, promises and simply... His grace and His love. It gets harder and harder with each year...

counting down... kinda.

Bah... my birthday is on Friday. Not my favourite day of the year... it should be, it should be a happy day of celebrations, but it is never in my case for some reason. This is probably one of the days that I dread most, I have come to associate this day with all things bad.

Forget it... self pity party over. As I sit here writing this... the lady behind me is crying because her life is so hard. And you know what... her life is hard. They can't work to support their kids because it's illegal... their landlord is kicking them out of their flat, and they're having a hard time finding a new flat to rent on the little money that social services offers them, UNHCR won't recognize their case as legit and grant them refugee status, and they're still waiting for news for private sponsorship to Canada, but that's been news-less for awhile now.

Yes, part of me has been crying for myself and the circumstances which I've found myself in lately... but it really isn't all because of that. I also cry because of what I see at work... and the stories and situations that I encounter here. The things I see around me are also breaking my heart... and it makes me cry as well. I am appalled at the amount of ads that I get bombarded with everyday as I walk to the mtr. Ads that tell me what I should fix to have the "best" looking body... ads that tell me what I need to wear to look good... and in general these ads have scantily clad women modelling they women do on the cover of men magazines. Serious?! As if that wasn't bad enough... then I am bombarded with condom ads that tell me that casual sex is good, and it is all about the enjoyment... Come on! Then I walk through pornography alley everyday as I leave work... (this I have a bit more control over... I can choose not to walk through there... which I will be more active in doing.)

Pity party over... bah, this is what happens when I tell God I want to be less selfish, isn't it?

How can?!

Another day...

Had a really good time at Plus last night. Hahaha... I love my Plus so much... praise and worship over skype... it was awesome! We couldn't stop laughing when it started... but it was good! I love the open sharing that we have... just a good time all around. :)

Woke up and saw all the updates on FB... wow... Canada... I'm speechless.

haha... that is all today. I will go and mourn our lost now... *sigh*

heartbroken...

I saw something last night that really broke my heart... well... I see this all the time, but it just really bothered me yesterday. And technically... I saw more than one thing that broke my heart... but those are for another time.

So... yesterday while I was out for dinner with my family, this other family came in. We were sitting in a small room thing... so it was just us and this other family. I can't even really say family, it was a mom, her kid and their domestic helper. Watching their interactions... it just made me so sad. Obviously the kid spends the most time with the domestic helper... and she understands him better than the mom. It just felt like the mom was trying so hard to prove that she knows her son better than the domestic helper... Then after the ordering of food was done... she proceeds to be on her phone... and barely even looks up at her son let alone talk to him. She just sat there poking away at her phone... and let the domestic helper entertain her son. I can't even describe the full thing in detail, but it was just so sad! It was really painful to watch. Somewhere in between, the dad called... but because they had already ordered, he wasn't gonna show up or something. I just didn't get it... and it made me sad.

Made me look at my own family... and so happy that we could sit down for dinner together... talk to each other and not all be looking at our phones the whole time and not talk to each other the whole dinner. So grateful for my family... but I felt so sad for that kid. He was so smart too! He wasn't even that bratty, he was really smart and polite. No screaming and running around the restuarant. *sigh*

I don't think people understand this... but it makes me really sad. It makes me sad to see kids in the morning being taken to school by their domestic helper... or they'll walk with the parents down to the mtr station... and then the kid will ask the parent... "can't you take me to school today?" and the parent will say no... and ask the domestic helper to take the kid to school.... BAH!!!!! I can't stand that!

This on top of everything I'm already feeling at the moment... can I just sit somewhere and cry and just let it all out of my system? I think that will make me feel better...

Tuesday Blues?

Woke up feeling like s***.... I could just say crap, but that is not strong enough. Although I feel better than I felt when I went to bed... thank goodness for nyquil which knocks me out and makes me sleep like a baby. (yes... I am still recovering from my cold from before Christmas... and it sucks!)

I'm trying to justify the thoughts and the feelings which are flowing through me at the moment... and I can't. So I'm literally sitting here at my desk holding a teddy bear and drowning in worship music.

I don't want to justify these feelings and thoughts... it takes too much. Everytime I have tried, I just end up bawling my eyes out and I don't even know why. I just know that my heart is sad... something in my life is not right... so I guess that makes me not quite okay. Maybe there is something about this time of the year... that makes me sad in the heart... but what is it?

I also know that I am stressed... it's that time of the year again... school applications time. I know I need to sit down and do them... but I don't want to. It's causing me much un-needed stress. I'm also looking at studying elsewhere... thinking if going somewhere else to study would be better for me. So... yes, I am trying to not think about this... because it's causing me much stress. I just don't want to deal with this at the moment, but I know I need to... I only have a month to finish the HKU application. I wish God would just write it in the sky... 1) whether I should go back to school and 2) if yes, then where should I go to school?

As well... praying about serving. Wondering if there are gifts and talents that God has given me that is not being utilized at the moment... and should be put to use. I think I just have lots of thoughts going through my system... and no outlet. When I have no outlet, I start going crazy. I think that's where I am at the moment... slowly going crazy from a lack of release of my thoughts and feelings.

I am slowly going crazy 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10
Crazy going slowly am I 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1.....

Oh iPhone....

I am very amused by this break down of the alarm on the iPhone... and the comments that it has sparked on the internet. If you read the comments people are posting... it's like they have no idea what an alarm clock is... or how it functions. That makes me crack up.

I guess I shouldn't laugh too hard... if I had also slept in for something important I wouldn't be so amused. I almost did sleep in for sound check on Sunday... but praise God! He woke me up at just the right time... and I got to church right on time. :)

If no one had told me about the alarm, I honestly would've gone on believing that I had slept through my alarm... which is something I tend to do often anyways... hahaha... :P

Now that I have paranoia about the iPhone, I set my normal alarm clock... cause I actually have one... but the darn thing doesn't seem to have an off button... only a snooze button... and that's annoying... I guess that's what I get for using a free alarm clock...

Happy New Years!

Happy New Years!!! Can't believe that it's already 2011... where did 2010 even go?!

Had a really amazing day today... started with worship at church this morning... lunch... and then hanging out at Citysuper looking for chocolate... hahaha :P And then off to Tai Wai for some biking action! After biking we went to Fo Tan for some "dai pai dong" action!

It was just really nice to get out of the city... to get off the island and just not be in a mall, stuck at home.... or basically just sitting indoors somewhere. It was a tad bit on the chilly side, but otherwise, it was actually a really nice day to be out biking. It was cold, so it wasn't too crazy busy either!

Even better was just that it was nice to have some real conversations... to be able to speak my mind and share what's been on my mind and my heart lately. It wasn't any crazy intense heart to heart conversations or anything, but it was nice to be real. I really enjoyed getting to hear other people open up and get real back... It's always so nice to find people with whom you can have a real conversation with... when you get past the superficial surface stuff and get to real meat and heart of a person... I could really just sit there and talk for a long time.

Not just the conversations... but just the whole getting out of the city and going exploring... that was so nice. I feel like it's been so long since I've done that... Since I've had a meal in a location not by where I live or frequent often... I think it was just nice to do something not a part of my regular weekend routine. I like structure... I like routine because it is predictable and I tend to WORK best in those situations... but I don't think I like my life structured and routine... I think I start to suffocate.

Honestly... it felt like a fresh breathe of air today... literally and metaphorically. I'm not saying I hate my life or something is wrong with it... but I won't lie... weekends have become rather routine. I do the same thing like almost every weekend... So yes... this weekend was really nice. It wasn't even just today... even yesterday, it was nice. Spent the whole day with my parents... literally. Woke up... we went for dim sum... sent my cousin off to the airport express... as she returns back to Stratmore for school... then shopping for a bit... and then home to relax... and then out for dinner. Hahaha... my mom was joking that my dad was so excited that he didn't stop talking the whole day... cause he never gets to spend a whole day with me. She was joking, but I think it was only half joking.

Thank-you God for a really awesome weekend. It was just right... and just what I needed. :)
As well... our reward for braving the cold to go biking... hot vita soy and chocolate milk. It warmed us right up! Soooo nice! :)

Last Post of 2010!!!

Oh my goodness... here we are... the last post of 2010!

Hahah... I don't know if Naters still reads my blog... but if he does: HAPPY BIRTHDAY NATERS!!! :)

Anyways... now what was it that I wanted to talk about today... I woke up thinking about pizza today... no jokes. I wasn't hungry or anything... but I was just thinking about pizza. It was a tad bizarre. Oh... now I remember what I wanted to talk about.

So last night I went to my first worship practice in I don't know how long. It's been awhile, I marked off all of December to give myself a break from serving. It was a nice break, I think I really needed that time to just be able to spend time with friends, family... and to have some time to be able to go into Sundays without the stress or anxiety of having to worry about serving. It was nice... and I definitely felt the effects of that break last night as I went into worship practice.

I had a really good time at practice last night, and it made me realize just how much I have missed playing, and how much I've missed the fellowship of everyone from the worship team. Well... a portion of them anyways... cause that's all I got to see last night. We got some time to just spend together praying for Sunday, for each other, for the Church and for the new year... that was really nice. Just to be able to put aside the music... and just come before God as a team to pray. We don't get to do that very often... AND we were still able to finish before 9! Amazing!

Last night, I was also reminded that I decided to play not because I wanted to please people, or to be a part of a band, or to be on stage... I play because there is a desire within my heart to want to make music... and to make music that glorifies my God. A desire to put into music the love in my heart... that knows no other outpouring than through moving my fingers over a keyboard. Even though sometimes as a keys player... I really am just holding very simple chords... but even in that simplicity God allows me to pour our my offering of worship... and THIS is why I play for worship... THIS is why so many years ago I wanted to play music for God.

It is through music that I find an outlet to release things that words cannot describe. I'm excited to play on Sunday! It's been awhile... but I'm glad that I got a break. It is through this break that I was refreshed... and reminded that this is somewhere that God has placed me... and simply... this is a place where I belong! Yay God! :)

Oh how selfish we all can be...

I've been thinking about how selfish people can be... and then I started thinking about how selfish I can be... this is something I like to think of while I am standing in line at the bank. When there is a long line at the bank, I too tend to get impatient, and I start wondering why they don't open more windows... or why the lady sitting at her counter is closed and not taking any customers... and then I always always catch myself in the midst of these thoughts. I too have been on the other side of the counter... I too have had angry and impatient customers yell at me about why there aren't anymore counters opened... or why I am closed while there is such a long line of customers waiting to be served.

Let me tell you... it's not that I didn't want to serve the customers who were waiting in line... it is simply that I had paper work or other things to be sorted from my pervious customer that needed to be dealt with before I could take a new customer. When I put myself back into that place, it is much easier to not get impatient and angry while I am waiting in line. I know and understand what they have to put up with, and what they have to do... therefore I simply choose to not let the long line bother me... if I make the choice to go to the bank during one of the busiest hours during the day, then I should expect to have to wait in line.

For the most part, I am okay with waiting in lines... I really just don't let it get to me. What really gets to me... is rush hour on the MTR. I try so hard to put myself into the shoes of those who are shoving bags into my face... pushing my face into someone else so that they can cram onto the train... cutting me in line so that they can get on the train... elbows, newspapers... etc etc. This I really just cannot understand.

In other situations I am also learning... to not let the "how does this affect me?" react first, but to look from the other person's perspective first. It is not easy... because my mind naturally wants to react from the point of view that I am the person who has been wronged... that I am the person that is in the right... but to lay that aside and say... well, maybe they had a bad day or maybe they're struggling with something... and to be gracious towards that and continue to love is very hard... and honestly, very unnatural to do. It is easier sometimes with people you love and care about, but only a tiny bit. For the most part when my person feels that it is being attacked... I do not wish to put myself into the other person's shoes.

This is one lesson that has a very very steep learning curve... but I feel that it is a very important one that will lead me to new places in the new year! Why else would God be making this such a pressing lesson that He wants me to learn... *sigh* God sustain me... and give me grace... because I know that I will not be able to do this on my own. My human nature just screams rebellion... but my heart desires to see this through... the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak... :P

Missing the snow...

So... this is my 4th Christmas in Hong Kong... so it has been 4 Christmases where I have not seen snow... it makes me miss Canada. It really does... I really missed skating/playing hockey on Christmas Day... and trying to drive out to the mountains for a short snowboarding trip during the holidays... I really really miss snow!

Who would've known that when I came back for holidays 4 Christmases ago, it would result in 2 job interviews, and then a job offer which would ultimately bring me back to Hong Kong... and into the very life which I am living at the moment... working at a Christian NGO, working with Refugees and Asylum Seekers... dating Pyoo... God is funny. I didn't even have friends or a real church family at that time, I just decided to go "all in" and make the move to Hong Kong.

But that is ok, because we're going to Tokyo and Hakuba during CNY for snow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yay snow!!!!!! I can't wait to see snow!!!! :)

Just gonna keep going...

So I made it all the way to Christmas... but I thought it might be a good idea to keep this up anyways. :)

Christmas break did not actually feel like a Christmas break this year... it was more just like a long weekend, so I'm still having a hard time comprehending that Christmas has come and gone. It was pretty good weekend, started the festivities with some family time, and then handing out daily needs packages in Wan Chai... then back to the Chow's for some food and fellowship and gift exchange action. I have to say, in general, people were a lot nicer this time than when we played it at Plus... by the end of the game at Plus we still had quite a number of gifts in the middle... hahaha, but at the Chow's... people just took what was in the middle instead of stealing most of the time. It was a very tame game of gift exchange.

Christmas Day woke up late... dim sum with the family, shopping, and then outdoor buffet at the Jockey Club out in Sheung Shui.... who has outdoor buffet in temperatures that are almost below 10?!?!? Anyways... food was pretty good... it was cold though... and so so far in the middle of nowhere! Then drinks with Vicks in Knutsford... just catching up on the happenings of Edmonton. :)

Boxing Day forced myself out of bed to go to service... it was good. Then Cheung Chau for lunch... home for a nap... and then family hotpot action out in Ap Lei Chau... and then home again to be warm under my covers for more sleep!

Holiday Monday... woke up to get ready for Caleb and Christina's wedding... chillings with people... and then to SoHo for Bomi's bday celebrations which consisted of mani/pedis, tea at Portobello's and dinner at Life Organic Cafe for some vegetarian goodness... just for Bomi!

What a weekend! So much eating... and sleeping. In the midst of the craziness, I think I'm learning to sort out my own thoughts... between what is real, and what is not. What is of substance, and what is a manifestation of my fears and anxieties. So hard... but it is good. Learning to fight and argue with that unreasonable voice in my head... somedays it still wins and I give in to listening to the voice... but will keep going... God will continue to sustain me.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Only 1 day late... :P

Can't believe that Christmas has come and gone. Hope everyone is having a good one! It's getting chilly here in Hong Kong... so it kinda actually feels like Christmas... and I love that our building buys real trees every year so the foyer smells like Christmas tree!

Been an interesting last couple of days... of just eating, family and friends! Really don't got much to say...

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!

Advent Day 24

Oh my goodness it's Christmas Eve! and day 24 of my blogging exercise!

Before Pyoo got on the plane the other night we decided to give a prayer of thanks for everything that's passed this year... and there was definitely lots to be thankful for! A year ago we were all in fractic prayer for Pyoo's mom for his health and now she is healthy and doing well! That seems like so long ago now... God is so incredibly good!

This past year has definitely been a chellenging and stretching one... from leaving HSBC, to doing school applications, being unemployed and uncertain about my future,volunteering at different places, not getting into school, and then finding this new job... there were so many moments where I didn't think I would make it... so many times where I thought there was no hope because there was so much that was unknown and so much that didn't make sense... but here I am at the end 2010.

God has carried me through every happy moment, every doubtful moment, every confusing moment, every frustrating moment, every angry moment, through each and every single moment of this past year. Even when it didn't feel like he was... He was there. He is a good God! I learned once again that no matter how hard I try to plan... no matter how hard I try to guess at the unknown... I always fail because I can't plan better than God, and I can't guess what God might have up His sleeve...

Finally listening to Christmas music... it's funny... usually I start like in August... getting excited for Christmas and listening to Christmas music, but this year... it's been different. I wonder if that's age... or just because of the crazy, hectic and insane year that it has been... maybe it had something to do with not looking forward to spending Christmas without Pyoo again... :P Oh well... getting kinda excited... it's about time, cause it is Christmas Eve after all!

Have a good night, and stay warm and be safe! :)

Advent Day 23

Wow... tomorrow is Christmas Eve... where did this past year go? I can't believe that it's almost 2011!

This makes me laugh:

"Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die." ~ Proverbs 23:13

Although I also realize that it is a verse of much controversy... but it makes me laugh. I shall not get into a theological debate about whether it is or is not right to hit a child for discipline purposes. But here it is ladies and gentlemen... the verse IS in the Bible.

Pyoo left for NYC... AGAIN! That is okay... lots to do with everyone else... friends, family... that should keep me pretty busy until he gets back... but it does feel like he is gone extra long this time. And he didn't even leave me a Christmas present! Well... I guess I also didn't ask for anything specific... and according to what I wrote a couple of days ago, that would mean I shouldn't get anything... hahaha... but I don't think that applies to him. :P

Looking forward to just sitting back and relaxing... this weekend... doesn't even feel like a holiday... cause it's just a long weekend really.... but will make the most of it... as soon I finish these reports...

Advent Day 22

And here we are at day 22...

"The reward for humility and fear of the Lord is riches, honour, and life." ~ Proverbs 22:4

Somehow I don't think God meant material riches when it said riches... maybe he did. I don't know the complete theology behind this verse... nor have the time to dig into it at the moment. Just made me think...

Was thinking this morning whether life would be easier had I stayed at HSBC... I don't know... these questions are dumb and useless. What's the point in wondering? I think that is my nature... I always like to think and "evaluate" to see whether the decisions I had made were for the best, or had I chosen otherwise, things would be better. This is a horrible way to think! It doesn't even matter, because this is where I am because of the choices I have made... it's not like I can go back in time and change these decisions... so why do I bother with stuff like that?! I really need to stop dwelling on my past decisions.

Sometimes I really dislike that nature in myself to always have to make the "best" choice. What do I measure this "best" by anyways? By the world's standard? By my parent's standards? By my past experiences? "Best" should be measured by God... so as long as I am walking in His will then I am on the "best" path that I can be on. Okay... if I look at my life from any other perspective at the moment, I will say perhaps I have not made the wisest choice.... but when I see it from God's perspective... or in the scheme of His bigger picture... life ain't so bad. Learning to see from a perspective that doesn't scream justice for myself... wow... it is not easy. But I think I'm on the right path to learning what true humility is...

Advent Day 21

Wow... Christmas is in like 4 days...

My cousin is home safely! :)

So day 21 begins with me waking up groggy from the effects of Nyquil... Pyoo thinks I wake up like this everyday, I beg to differ. This morning was definitely the drugs.

Vanity... what does it even mean? Well according to dictionary.com it means the following:

excessive pride in one's appearance, qualities, abilities, achievements, etc; character or quality of being vain, conceit

Humility... on the reverse is:

the quality of condition of being humble; modest opinion or estimate of one's own importance, rank, etc.

Interesting... puts the reason why God loves modest people in perspective. Only modest people have room for God, only they are capable of giving God the glory that He deserves. Vain people think so much of themselves that there is not room left to give glory to God... Learning to strive for humility is a continuous process... still working on it.

Advent Day 18, 19 and 20

I appear to be getting lazy... you know, it's really hard to find something to write about everyday!

Slept in on Saturday (Day 18)... and then went to work. We had a Christmas Party... lost my voice after talking (and perhaps some yelling and screaming)... Woke up with a crazy runny nose... finally took some medicine before the party started... and it got me through the 4 hours without me trying to blow off my nose. Then it was attempted Christmas shopping... before giving up and going back to 18/F to just do nothing.

Sunday (Day 19) woke up tired... went to 11:30 service... had some lunch, and then headed over the the Leung's for Bacon and Eggs + Friends Christmas celebration! Mmmm... turkey and other foods from Vikki followed by some intense gift exchange action... so much stealing. I think by the end... most of the gifts had been stolen at least once... (except my wine glasses... *sigh*) and most were no longer available to be stolen.

Now back to today... Monday (Day 20)... wow... I can't believe that it's only a couple more days until Christmas. It honestly doesn't feel like it... I haven't done much Christmas shopping... nor do I have much of a mood for Christmas shopping. What do you buy for people who already has everything that they need? Maybe I should just start making donations in people's names as presents... How often has Christmas presents just sat in your home without ever being touched or used? I think I've been struggling with this for the past... I don't know how many years. Don't get me wrong... I love getting presents... (and having not bought anything for the past... 4-5 months I've definitely developed a little list of wants...) but I can't seem to justify buying useless things for people that I really don't think they're going to use...

This is one of my biggest struggles... I really dislike buying junk for people... but that makes it hard to buy for people who buy everything for themselves... hahahaha... so my conclusion is that I don't buy gifts for people... :P Unless they've specifically asked for something... I think that is the best solution... :)

Advent Day 17

Sickness continues... with drinking my Chinese medicine at work... blech! So gross...

At least it's Friday today! Yay! And we have tickets to watch Harry Potter! :) I do have to work tomorrow though... but it's just a Christmas party, should be fun! It's always a pleasure to see all the kids from the centre out and about... being cute!

I'm happy about the cold weather... but at the same time not. hahaha... It's nice that it actually feels like winter, but without indoor heating... (and bad circulation on my part) it's just really hard to stay warm sometimes. For some reason it feels like cold air is coming into my room from somewhere, but I can't figure out from where... This cold air blowing on me while I sleep is not helping my recovery process...

This job always has been sitting on the fence between compassion and justice... on one hand I really want to help these people... but on the other, I really want to be fair. Have not yet reached a conclusion of some sort yet... still debating it in my head. Let's just say... arguing with someone yesterday... or sorry, trying to explain without raising my voice (which I couldn't actually physically do anyways...) made my throat hurt even worse when I finished work.

1 more hour... almost there... now back to my reports...

Advent Day 15 amd 16...

Bah!!! Still sick!! And it doesn't help that the temperatures have dropped below 10... but I will not let it drag me down... I will get better... (although I do feel that the Chinese medicine is making me feel worse than it is making me feel better...)

So yesterday I missed another day of blogging... as well as another day of work. *sigh* What I had hoped to be a day of rest became a day of running around from doctor to doctor... and didn't really get to sit and rest until 5... Although it was a nice highlight when Pyoo came back from BKK and stayed in HK instead of going straight back up to SZ. I wasn't much company... but it was nice just to have him there taking care of me.

Feeling thankful for all of the people God has placed around me (you know who you guys are!) Just thankful for their walking with me through so much stuff in the past 2 years... sorry, almost 3 years that I've been in HK! Such a huge blessing to have people around me who are willing to ask the tough questions, pray through the hard times, but also know how to have a good time! I don't think I could be where I am today without their support and encouragement and most importantly prayers!!! And even those who haven't been near distance-wise... just thankful to those who have stayed in touch and makes an effort to find out what I've been up to... or just to say hi and what not! Just so so thankful!

Am also very thankful for my family. Very grateful to God for putting my whole family back together in one place! It's been a blessing that I can't even describe... and just for such supportive parents! God takes very good care of me! So even when I am sick like this... I am reminded of how much it sucked to be sick like this while I was living by myself in Edmonton, and so glad that it's not like that anymore. :)

Sick... but in a good mood!

Advent Day 14

I should be working on some well... work... but I want to get this done first... :P It's almost lunch time anyways... and I'm HUNGRY!!! It's hard to concentrate when I'm hungry...

Have you ever had something weigh so heavy on your heart that you know that you won't be able to hear or see anything else until you submit in obedience to what God is calling you to do? That is how I am feeling right now... bah. I know I will not find peace... or that peace will not return until I listen and obey... So I shall... I shall...

God's word for me on the weekend was that I am a diamond. That is how God sees me... and not just any ordinary one... a very shiny, exquisite, and beautiful diamond. He came searching for me in the mines... But I'm no longer there, He has brought me out, cleaned me off, and cut me into the most beautiful diamond. He's polishing... and I wish to be so... I don't want to remain where I am now if God has more and better in store for me to become... Still processing all of the thoughts from the weekend... but I've started.

I want to get all this processing done... but this sickness is getting the best of me... and I still sound like a frog... :( Perhaps a visit to the doctor is required... *sigh*