who am i?

Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt

Who am I?
That the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still, you hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
You have told me who I am
I am Yours

~we are nothing if not for God. none of us can say we are better than others, nor can any of us say we are nothing in comparison to everyone else. if He has called you, you better step up, and if He hasn't called you, then you better re-evaluate what you're doing. strong sermon, strong song.~

define family of God please...

when u hear the words family of God, what is it that u think about? let's back track, what do u think of when you hear the word family? do u think of love, kindness, caring, sharing, etc? most people would. despite the popular belief people hold that their family's "weird" deep down you know that you'll be there for each other no matter what happened. no matter what happens, your family will always have you back, and no matter what happens, you can always run there to hide, to rest, to be encouraged, etc.
now compare this to a the family of God? should it not also be a place where we will feel love, kindness, caring, etc? should it not be a place where we can run to if we feel like there is no where else to go? should it not be a place where you know people will be there for you no matter what happens? should it not be like this and better? a place where even those who have never felt the love of family can feel loved and accepted? considering that Jesus prayed that people will know who we are by the love we have for one another, should this not be a place where love constantly flows out?
can someone please tell me why there is so much hostility between brothers and sisters in Christ? can someone please explain why they hold grudges against each other? we sit there on suday and say the words "and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us," but do we mean the words? how can u pray for forgiveness if you dont' really want to forgive? why are we so quick to condemn and reprimand, but so slow to acceptance? how can so many ppl walk around church with hurt feelings because of what another brother or sister in Christ did? why would any non-christian want to be a part of this?
do you know the extent of God's grace and mercy? do you understand just how far that goes? no one sin is greater than another, therefore, who are any of us to judge what another has done? if you truly understand just now unperfect and sinful we all are, how can you not extend this grace and mercy to everyone you meet? having understood the vastness of God's forgiveness, how can you hold that for yourself and not forgive others who have wronged you?
holding a grudge is tiring, being angry is tiring, it's all very pointless. cutting down others will not make you better than them. forgiveness is hard, but is a must if we are to love God with our whole hearts. eventually it'll bring a peace, which takes over the anger. what's better to brew in your heart? God's love, or anger? it's your choice.

me = scatterbrain

ok... so in the past 3 weeks, i've almost lost my gloves 3 different times! i almost lost them at brewsters, but thanks to my brother who went later and found it for me. i almost lost them at the theatre when we went to see brokeback mountain, but thanks to the lady who found them! and then yesterday i almost left them at church after bball. good thing, i saw them sitting there on my way out. but then i was driving home and i had to turn around because i thought i left my water bottle at church, but in reality, it was just in my trunk! so i turned around for nothing!
today, i went to ask my prof for help on my hw. i honestly don't think i have ever done that before, ever!!! so, i went to ask him for help... to which i recieved a hint... and when i went to look up the part of the notes, i realized that the answer was there all along... and i just didn't see it! and then there was this other question, where i had to derive the stinkin' wave equation, taking into consideration the effects of gravity. i asked every engineer i saw, haha, cause they said they took a course that was almost the same, and they did the same thing. but in reality, when i threw in that gravity part, no one could help me! and then it hit me... all my physics 30 came and hit me like a brick wall, and i think i finally figured out how to incorporate stinkin' gravity into the stupid fomula!
i keep leaving books i need at school, and bringing home the ones i don't need! oh and the most scatterbrain part of me is that i have all these bruises up and down the back of my right leg... and i seriously don't think i know where half of them came from! and the bruise on my ankle?!?! what the?!?! yah... so either i'm kicking the wall in my sleep... (but why would the bruises be on the back of my leg?) or else I have tendencies to fall outta bed in the middle of the night, but manage to climb back into bed before i wake up, therefore, i have no recollection of falling out of bed! both of these theories are pretty far fetched, so it's probably just me walking into things, or ramming into things when i'm half awake, and then not remembering!
i'm sure, i almost lost lots of other stuff... but i just can't remember right now... haha :P

surprise!

there are these things that i call little surprises from God. they come when you least expect them, but they always come at just the right time. whatever do i mean? well, let me explain. a little surprise from god would be like... say you were having a bad day, and nothing seems to be going your way, you jump in your car and turn on the radio, and your favourite song pops on... that's a surprise from god. i think most people like to call these things coincidences.
god loves to bring in things when you've just about given up hope, and when nothing seems to be going right, or you're just plain feeling down. it's like the break in the clouds to stop the rain!
i ran into an old friend from work today. she is seriously the kindest, nicest, sweetest person ever! she honestly just radiates God's love. i met her, and she was just so amazingly open, and her passion for life just seems to overflow from her! so, running into her and just being able to catch up with her was awesome! for some reason, she answered some questions that i've been wondering for the past little while. i guess in a way, she was just an answered prayer.
oh, i got an encouragement card this past weekend. it wasn't signed, so i have no idea who it's from, but it was really nice. (thanks to whoever it was!) but they were just the right words that i needed to hear. god's answering prayers in big ways! just when i thought that perseverence was running a little low... there was the encouragement to keep going... wow... i'm telling you, only god can have timing like that!
little messages, phone calls, emails from all over which have all been little surprises from God at just the right time... he just knows what to bring at just the right time. there is no doubt in my mind that he cares about me. i honestly don't believe that things happen by coincidence, everything is according to his good and perfect will.

the clock is a-ticking...

ahh... and yet another year of my life has come and gone... and i find myself a year older once again. i think by far, this would be the best birthday ever! thanks for everyone who came out and made it so memorable!!! honestly, i would've just stayed home and watched tv all night by myself or something...

so never to the point of throwing up and not remembering anything the next day, always to the point where my head is spinning and there is a pounding headache. of course, the fun comes before hitting the part of the night. it always starts with the non-stop smiling. i will start having this grin on my face... because i'm obviously feeling good, and i'm happy, and honestly, i was feeling happy! and it only gets funner from there, because the volume control starts going, and i start yelling and believing that i'm using my "indoor" voice. and then comes the none-sense ramble where i will say anything and everything that comes to my mind. haha... but not to the point where the secretses start coming out. mind you, there are no secretses because everyone already knows. *shrug* oh well.

i remember yelling into my phone a lot, and asking the question "who is this?!?!" and yelling "don't lie to me!!!" many times. i remember someone pretending to be someone that wasn't very nice... worse point of the night... so boo to you! and yes i remember! oh well, not going to let things like that ruin my night. bring it!

the cake was so pretty, and then they brought out this huge pizza knife for me to cut the cake with. at this time, everyone saw me holding a big knife and decided to move meters away from me, just in case. but it was good cake. and then the guy from the kitchen actually ended up coming out to help me cut the cake! haha... good times. we shared the cake with those ppl at bp's. who's allergic to oranges?!?! well, too bad, you missed out on some good cake!

who was feeding me random thoughts while i was in a daze?!?! cause i came home with all these random thoughts of ppl telling me to rethink something?!?! what were you ppl trying to brainwash me with?!?! that, and putting tobasco sauce in my drink while i went to the bathroom!?! even though i couldn't taste it... still!!!! this is why you got no shirt! haha... maybe next time, we'll ask the waiter for it. haha... i still got that free shot, so i'm content!

yay! i feel so happy and loved! thanks for the lovin', i love you all mans!!!!!

ahh... let me out!

ok.... so i was registered for this math class... math 337... and i found out that it's suppose to be real hard... which means i shouldn't be taking it. esp if no one else i know is taking this course! ahhh... but i needed a 300 level course, and this was the only one i had the pre-req's for! and then someone said that if i switch to a mathematical science major, then my higher level stat will count and i'll be able to drop it. so after my first 337 class i bolted to see the advisor... and this is what she says: NO! because i declared stats as a minor, all stats courses must stay within that category... so there's no way out. it's either a 300 level math class, or a 300 level computer class!!! considering how 'wonderful' i did in 115... there was no way i'd consider taking another cmput class ever again! and since i don't want to/ can not get into any other math class... 337 it is!
on the otherhand... i've finally found a way to make my degree a double major, instead of just a major and a minor. haha... it just sounds really study... a double major in.... math... and.... math.... it's suppose to be mathematics and mathematical sciences. *sigh* if i sounded like a geek before... i sound like an even bigger one now!
ahhhh.... i want out of this class so bad... but i guess there is no way out. i'm doomed to be in this class.... so if you see me angry... and ready to start throwing my textbook, its cause i'm working on 337 homework! so... stay far away... unless you want to be hit by my 200 pds calculus textbook!

another year passes...

wow... happy new years! i honestly cannot believe that another year has gone by... and that my 3 weeks holiday is almost over... and soon it will be back to my late nights of studying on campus... which must start on the first week if i am to be ready for soa in february!!!!
as sad as it is that another year has come and gone, it's also very exciting that a new year is beginning... not to mention i'm getting older in another week or so... *sigh* nooooooooooooo i'm getting old! haha... but not old enough that i can't go out and have some fun. *wink*
the one word to describe this past year is "trying" and the one thing about God i've learned is "grace." and only through the trials was i able to come a deeper meaning of grace. grace is receiving something we do not deserve.

"what once was hurt
what once was friction
what left a mark
no longer stings
because grace makes beauty
out of ugly things" ~Grace by U2

it is through grace that no matter how ugly the past, we are made new, and we become children of god. nothing is more beautiful than the unconditional love that god has for us. as bad and as hard as this past year has been, i don't think i'd go back to change any one part of it. there is no use in asking those "what if" questions, and there is no use in dwelling on regret. what has happened has already past, and the only thing anyone can do is to hold their head up high and keeping walking forward.
the future is uncertain, but one thing is certain, and that is god's hand in my life. i need only to cling to what is certain, and that which is uncertain will slowly back itself clear.

God's wonderful sense of humor...

i'm completely convinced that God has it out to make life as awkward as possible for me sometimes. or i just think he has this sense of humor that i don't understand at all! i seem to constantly find myself in situations where i have to wonder if things could be any more awkward?!?!
first he gets these people with whom i'm totally not close with to throw random comments at me! comments about the secretses that no one is really suppose to know about! haha... but yet everyone seems to somehow know about anyways. as if life wasn't confusing enough with certain people knowing?!?!
and then god throws a curve ball that goes in the complete opposite direction which throws me back into another fit of confusion! what is going on?!?! i wish he'd just give it to me straight. then i wouldn't have to be sitting on this fence constantly, wondering which side of the fence suits me better.
god will always bring ppl you don't want to see into the picture when you want to see them the least. at the same time, there are these "coincidences" that just seem to pop up all over the place when you're confused about something... that always makes you wonder if maybe that's the right choice. i seem to be constantly surrounded by coincidences.
and... as routine has it, i tend to pick the side with more "coincidences."

time for an update...

haha... ok, i'm obviously way to bored... esp if we're coming up with these during finals... haha... thanks buddy! glad to know someone's keeping with the observing even when i'm no longer around.

so here to add to the list of fobs vs cbcs:
You know you're a fob when your knowledge of English songs is 10 years out of date.
You know you're a cbc if you can list at least 1 song on the top 40!

You know you're a fob when you have an English name, but still make the choice to use your Chinese name.
You're cbc if you're chinese name is your middle name, or you're just plain embarassed of it!

3 days until Christmas... and counting... (and still haven't started shopping!)

where is your home?

"The heart has reasons that reason cannot know." ~Pascal

i once heard someone say that home is where your heart is. so here's the question: if you give your heart away, does that mean that's home? is the place where you left your heart, the place that you call home? is that why going back to that same place always feels the most comfortable, because that's where you've chosen to call home?

for that reason alone, i guess that's why we're suppose to be careful of where we put our hearts.

what happens if you've already misplaced your heart, and home has become a place that you wish to go, but cannot? are you allowed to take it back, and put it somewhere else, so you call a new place home?

maybe moving is the answer... take a chance... or go home? haha... obviously don't want to go back to the place where my heart has decided to call home. so maybe take a chance? i think i just might take the dive.

joke of the day...

buzz buzz.... need i say more?!?!

haha... one more exam to go.... and starting to get the jitters. who has one exam left and start drinking coffee not at the beginning of the week, but at then end when they're almost done?!?! apparently i do. the worse part is i didn't even need it, and now while i'm suppose to be studying, i have to get up to pee every like 10 min!!!!

haha, i think it's the coffee that's making my stomach feel like i have a constant case of the butterflies... or it could always be something else... can't really tell the difference right now.

ok, back to memorizing geometry terms and diagrams. 10 extra if you know what a Menelaus pt is! muahahahaha, let's see u all try to out do the math major!

what goes around... comes back around!!!

sometimes i find it hard not to believe in karma, and today would be one of those days. awhile ago, i became the proud owner of 2 switchfoot's the beautiful letdown cd. and i couldn't return the one that was a gift because SOMEONE couldn't find the receipt for me!!!! haha.... oh well. so then i decided to re-gift it. haha... well, seriously! what was i going to do with 2 copies of the cd anyways?!?! so i wrapped it all nicely, and gave it to someone for their birthday. and then tonight, i went to fellowship, and we did this gift exchange thing. and it was my turn to pick from the pile... and i thought, you can't go wrong with a cd... so i picked the package that looked like a cd. look and behold! starring right back at me was the same cd i had gotten rid of just months ago!!! seriously?!?! am i just doomed to own 2 copies of this cd like forever or what!?!?! and i'm like sooo curious as to whether its the EXACT same cd i gave away too!
*sigh* oh well... like i said, who goes around, comes back around. treat others the way you want to be treated. you want ppl to treat you all cold and like you don't exist, you're obviously going to receive the exact same treatment! bleh.
poop to ppl who treat others bad AND THEN complain about others treating them bad.... ok whatever. i'm not gettin involved in this. waaaay too complicated.

killing time...

suppose to be finishing hw... but we're stuck... so i needed a break from sitting in the same chair for the past 4 hrs!!!
so... i need to add some more points to my lists of fob vs cbc characteristics... so here goes:

you're a fob if you have a hard drive full of pirated chinese movies, music, etc
you're a cbc if you don't pirate absolutely everything

you're a fob if you can speak more than 1 chinese dialect
you're a cbc if you can only speak and understand the chinese dialect your parents use to yell at you

when i think of more, i'll put it up.

now its time to get back to my hw.

almost at the end...

wow, i just realized the other day that the end of the semester is coming, and in another semester's time, i'm going to be graduating *fingers crossed* i ran into my friend that i met in first year the other day... and it really hit me when she said she was heading home (well as if now, she already headed home as of last night). a lot of people who i've met in the past couple of years may not be around after we all graduate. made me realize how much i need to cherish the times i have now with my friends, and how i take people for granted at times, that they'll just always be around.
i have no idea where God is leading after i graduate, i have no idea whether i'll still be in town at this time next year. i could be working else where, i could be overseas doing missions, or i could just still be here doing who knows what kinda job, and bumming or something. we're growing up, and people are heading off in their own directions, but hopefully, the friends i treasure will always be a part of my life, and we'll make an effort to stay in touch.
oh my goodness, so scary to think we're all growing up so quick! haha... maybe that's why i'm the honourary first year.... cause i'm just refusing to grow up. no, but i know we all do, and people moving, people getting married, etc... its all part of growing up. i'm almost done university, and i'm glad for that. no way i want to go through everything again! i'm glad to be almost done, and almost ready to move on the the next stage in life.
so until the end of schoo, its all about maximizing friends hang-out times, enjoying each and every single day... regardless of how much i'm starting to dislike school, and most of all just trying to make the most of everything, refusing to leave any cards un-turned!

how to tell if you're a fob or a cbc...

you're a fob if tea means using leaves and hot water
you're cbc if tea means throwing a tea bag in some hot water

you're a fob if you carry hot drinks in a thermos
you're a cbc if you carry hot drinks around in an insulated coffee mug

you're a fob if it's grey cup weekend, and you think people ran off to watch hockey
you're a cbc if you understand what the grey cup is

you're a fob if cbc's don't understand your english
you're a cbc if fobs think you have an accent when you speak chinese

you're a fob if your cell phone's language setting is set to chinese
you're obviously a cbc if your cell phone is not!

you're a fob if your ring tone is some chinese pop song
you're cbc if you ring tone is anything but a chinese pop song

you're a fob if you know all the chinese people in class, and you talk to them in chinese
you're a cbc if you converse with all chinese people in english

you're a fob if you don't know what 24 is
you're a cbc if you watch it religiously

you're a fob if your idea of karaoke is to sing well
you're a cbc if your idea of karaoke is to butcher the songs

you're a fob if you make your friend do shots by themselves on their bday
you're a cbc if you buy 2 and take it with them

you're a fob if your music collection is compiled of all chinese songs
you're a cbc if you don't listen to that stuff

you're a fob if you copy notes from your prof including bad grammar and spelling
you're a cbc if you fix it all in your own notes so it makes sense

here's the most obvious of them all:
you're a fob if you understand things better in chinese
you're a cbc if you understand things better in english!

oops, i think i fell....

fell? how? wouldn't u like to know?! the secretses... shh... we don't talk about that! haha... i love having secretses... and i love calling them that... and i have no idea why! i think i'm just a dork when it comes to stuff like this. apparently i talk in code too much and just expect people to know what i'm talking about. but i think the truth is i talk in code because i want to talk about something, but i'm kinda embarassed for people to know... so... hence i talk about something, but i don't really talk about it.
new secretses make me so happy! ok, i have got to stop smiling like i'm hiding something... it's making it too obvious that i am! when people get suspicious, people start asking questions... and i don't like answering questions! so no more smiling like an idiot. but smiling makes me happy, and makes people around you happy... so why not just smile away? plus, it makes homework more barable cause i'm in a good mood! so really who cares... i'm happy, and i'll spread my joy!
yay! the eskimos won! boo to the stupid elevator that stopped working, so i couldn't get back upstaris to ratt to watch the overtime!!!! i stood inside that thing for so long... pressing 7... and the elevator just wouldn't move!!!! shouldn't there a be sign there that says that the elevator will take you downstairs, but you're not going to be able to get back upstairs... cause then i wouldn't have gone down in the first place! oh well, they still won!
boo to stat 479... and boo to this stupid project for that class! yay to finally getting some work done... and something that i can use... and i think i finally understand it. after sitting in front of a computer all day... and 2 at one point today... and sitting in sub with a table of 4 laptops looking like we're having a lan party.... and an hour of moving around until we could find decent internet access... but i think i kinda understand what it is that i have to do now! in the 8 hours that i was at school... i think only maybe 3/4 if even of that was real work time. oops!
boo to my new nick name small pig... why they pick on me like this?!? regardless of who i'm with, i'm always the one people laugh at! haha... oh well... i guess it was kinda funny. yay to the bunnies that look so funny as white lumps on the ground since there's no snow and they don't blend into the snow.
yay to god for another good weekend! yay for everyone who got baptized this weekend! thanks for the reminders that God is amazing and he works in supernatural ways! as much as it didn't feel like i went to church today... and i say i didn't feel like i got any corporate worship, God spoke in his own way through the testimonies of these people. yay for the way God touches people's hearts.
boo to people who confuse me and make me sad. but yay to people who put a huge smile on my face! yay to phone calls from friends, and meaningless conversations. thanks god for using all of those to balance out the things that get a boo! yay for the love that god represents, and yay for how he shows it.
conlusion: the weekend was a yay!

lost in the forest...

wow, what an amazing week! i mean it wasn't a perfect week, but i'm not looking for perfection. just a week where no matter what happens, there is trust that God is there. started the week with monday night basketball as usual... fun as usual. i think our team played for an hour straight almost! hahaha... it was nice to play on a winning team. and i wasn't completely useless, i managed to sink 2 baskets!
i realized this week, that God has answered my answered my prayer to simplify my life. it's like my picture. i've been feeling so lost in the forest, so surrounded, almost to the point of suffocation. but then i take a moment, and i look up, pass the trees, and i see the sunlight. in the clutter, God has called me to look up heavenward, and there i stand in awe of the peace that looking up brings. no matter how things around me are suffocating me, or frustrating me, i simply have to look up, and nothing else will matter as much as my heavenly father. in my weariness, God has brought me rest. before, i always thought that simplifying my life would mean much more drastic measures, but i think i've realized that by turning my focus onto God, the simplification will follow. by trusting in Him and handing everything over to Him, i no longer worry about silly things, and what remains is simplicity.
not only have i been blessed with answered prayers all around, He's graciously surrounded with friends who love and care for me. there's always somone there in the right place at the right time, whether it be for last min hang outs, someone to talk to, someone to shop with, someone to be silly with, someone to eat with, He has constantly provided at the right place and time, and most important the right person. (thanks to everyone who's brought comfort and encouragement without even knowing it! for the hugs, the laughs, the talks, the hang-outs, coming over for dinner, cooking with me, the shoulders soaked with my tears, the encouragement, the outstretched hands, and yes, even for cleaning with me! you've all been God-sent! )

for Him, not for me...

"I'm giving you my heart, and all that is within
I lay it all down, for the sake of you my king.
I'm giving you my dreams, I'm laying my rights,
I'm giving up my pride for the promise of new life.

And I surrender all to you, all to you.

I'm singing you this song, I'm waiting at the cross
and all the world holds dear, I count it all as loss
For the sake of knowing you, for the glory of your name
To know the lasting joy, even sharing in your pain."

maybe being cautious is being selfish. by being cautious, i'm not letting God into my life the way He wants to be in my life. by being cautious, i'm not taking up my cross to follow Him. by saying i'm not ready, i'm telling God no, and that i care more about myself than i do about him. today's sermon was based on putting God before everything else. i think lately, i've been too selfish. always saying that i need to take care of myself first. always telling God that i need more time. more time to heal, more time to "get better." but is "better" ever going to come. God calls us to come in whatever state that we are in. He calls us into service no matter what we are going through, or have gone through. Never has God said, you are too messed up, so i can't use you. Unless your heart is serving the devil, God will use you.
God never promised that by following Him, that there will be no hardships, and everything will be perfect. But God did promise that no matter what it is that we go through, He is right there going through it with us. In Christ, we are never alone, and we are never abandoned. even when we are at the very bottom, God can still find a way to use you. i am convinced that even when you don't want to be used God, He will still find a way for you to be used.
i think its time to let go of myself, and let God take over. healing will only come when I let him in, true joy is only found in Him alone. its time to say "god it may hurt, and i may not want to do it, but i will because you have called me." it's time for the "yes Lord no matter what" to be true, and not a half-hearted committment made while on a spiritual high from a rally or conference.
it is no longer about me, but about God. i may want things MY way, but God says, no, it has to be HIS way. Trust me, MY way is NOT a better way than HIS way. MY way leads to the fires of hell, while HIS way will lead you into eternity in Heaven.

relapse

so after 5 years of hard work and dedication to a committment i made... i find myself falling in to a relapse. maybe it was the large amount of vodka i put into myself... or maybe it was just something that's been brewing inside of me, and it was only a matter of time before it came to this. it was never suppose to come to this... but i just couldn't take it anymore. the escape from reality... the punishment for doing wrong... which always results in even more guilt and more shame.
ok, so maybe hiding from reality has not been the best medicine. i was hoping that it was all just a bad nightmare, and that none of it ever happened, but no one can tell me that can they? How could God let all this happen? How come He's not here? Can someone please tell me? I've been waiting... maybe God has someone nice... "the break in the clouds." But it only seems to be bad news on top of more bad news all the time. i'm tired... and the more tired i get, the more my faith seems to shake... and the more i want to escape.
How come He think's I can handle all this? Because we're only suppose to be faced with what He thinks we can handle right? God I know that i said i can do this on my own, but i can't. why'd they walk out... and leave me here in all the crap? i thought we in this together? so why do i feel like it was all my fault? why do i feel like i've lost everything?
argh... too much pain... can only take so much more. can u stop hurting me, please? or else... i just might give up this fight...

proceeding with caution

yield signs... those upside down triangle things. when you see one, you're suppose to slow down and proceed with caution! of course unless you're in the windsor carpark on campus, because those are apparently non-existent. i don't know how many times i've had to yield to cars that are suppose to yield to me!!! annoyance... esp when its early, and i don't want to be at school. but yielding is so important, because if you don't slow down to make sure no cars are coming, its very likely that you're going to be hit by a car, esp at a busy intersection!
how many times does God put up yield signs in our lives, and ask us to proceed with caution? sometimes, he just sends us the bright flashing warning signs, but more often, they're those yield signs that many of us chose to ignore at certain intersections or at certain times of the night when roads are less busy. because God has a still small voice, sometimes, if we're not paying attention, it's very easy to miss them.
but can anyone ever be too cautious? or too careful? maybe, maybe not. its always good to be cautious when behind the wheel. but how about in dealing with others? can one be too careful about letting people in? ever met someone who keeps everyone at an arm's length? its frustrating... and until this week... i've never considered myself to be one, but maybe i have become one. i don't like to share, and i don't probe people because i don't want to be probed in return. i'll let you scratch the surface, but to get in any deeper would just be sharing too much. maybe i'm scared you'll get in too deep, that you'll see the wound that's still bleeding. the wound that needs stitches, but i've simply patched up with band-aids.
maybe its ok to be cautious, just for now. until the bleeding stops and the wound stops its stinging. until it stops getting infected, and the cleaning process is complete, and God has stitched me up. maybe then, i can let you into my heart.