Empty words... not so much.

Still searching around on @worshipcentral.org...

Found this verse from the song Wake Up

I'm ready to rise
I'm ready to fall
To lay down my life and give it all
I'm ready to go. I'm ready to go

I'm ready for joy
I'm ready for pain
Tear open my heart Lord once again
I'm ready for You. I'm ready for You

How can someone open up their mouth and sing words like this?!?!? That's some crazy stuff! These are not words you lightly throw at God! If you say words like this to God, He will take you up on it! He will really take your life... and He will really tear open your heart! I'm struggling with such a proclaimation of my life at the moment. Am I ready? What does it really mean to be ready anyways? God just wants willing and obedient people right? As long as we're willing and obedient then He will equip us with whatever we need to do whatever it is He wants us to do, right?

We were talking about humility at Plus last night... and the past year and a half has been a very humbling year. The moment that I decided to take the plunge... and dove head first with God into the raging waterfall... I surrendered any rights I had over my life. My plans, dreams, hopes, wants, desires, etc... it all became God's... and time and time again this past year and a half... He has been reminding me of that.

The primary reason I left my job at the bank... to pursue a degree in social work? So I thought I would be at school at the moment, but no. God took that and said, it will happen in his time and in his way. So a year later... after not getting into HKU for Sep 2010, I now have a spot at CUHK for Sep 2011, yet He's still asking me to put this down and do something else? God must be so amused when we think we can plan and do things better than He can.

It's been a good reminder of how little control I have over my life. I mean that not in a bad way at all... I say this in complete awe of God... and that I would not be here without Him... I couldn't be here without Him. Wow... looking back... it has been a crazy 2 years. Even before I was ready... those words were in my heart. I said ready without ever saying the words ready... so I can sing that song with conviction and know that I sing it and mean it. I can sing those words and really mean that I want God to come and continue to be in control of ALL of me, and for Him to continue to tear open my heart.

Oh dear... what am I saying? hahaha... more dangerous prayers are on their way!

On a different note... took out my guitar again for the first time in awhile. It was good... I've missed my guitar. :)

wow... 2 in one day!

Okay... I can't stop listening to this song.... @worshipcentral.org 

Spirit Break Out

Our Father, All of heaven roars your name
Sing louder, let this place erupt with praise
Can you hear it, the sound of heaven touching earth
The sound of heaven touching earth


Spirit break out, break our walls down
Spirit break out, heaven come down


King Jesus, you're the one we're lifting high
Your glory, shaking up the earth and skies
Revival, we want to see your kingdom here
We want to see your kingdom here


Such a power song!! Argh... I can't stop listening to this song... and singing this song... ahhh.... SPIRIT BREAK OUT!!!!

The weekend...

Hmm... what a weekend it was. I could talk about Worship Central, but that would just be a lot of talk about what I saw at the registration table... the load of junk food that we ate while sitting there.... and all the stupid stuff that we did. From what I did get to participate in... it was pretty amazing. :) "Dance, dance, everybody dance... dance, dance, everybody dance... dance, dance, everybody dance NOW!" Glad that I got to participate in that at least!

So the picture was taken from the back of Worship Central. But on Sunday at for worship at church, I was right up at the front... in front of the stage... my fav place to worship. No chairs in my way... with Martin Smith leading worship... so good. God was there. Still picking out all of the little hidden gems from God this past weekend.

I can't explain to you how awesome it was for me to be standing there in front of the stage at my own church with Martin Smith leading worship... I don't want to give the wrong idea that I worship this guy... or his music or anything. But this is the guy who wrote some of the songs that shaped me as a teenager... songs that touched my heart and pulled me out of ruts... :P I'll be honest, I was mad excited the first time I saw Delirious? live at YC (Youth Conference).

It was a special moment for me. It has actually got me thinking about when we were all 13-14... picking up instruments for the first time... looking at chord charts for the first time... learning to put together setlists... song arrangements.... who plays where... who plays which part... who sings which part... the excitement of learning new songs... planning a worship night... there were definitely some interesting times. Sorting through the assortment of good and bad memories.

One thing that is sticking in my memory is the rawness of learning to play from chord sheets for the first time... hacking away at my own piano for hours... figuring out melodies... what sounds good.. and what doesn't.... it all seems so long ago! I miss those days. Putting off the practicing of my classical pieces to practice the latest worship song we were learning at youth group... or a song I had heard on the weekend. :P

Lately I've been on this journey to discover myself... what I like, what I don't like... what is my real opinion on certain things... what do I value... etc. So I guess this weekend has been a reminder of how music has been such a huge part of my life. It is something that I love. This is a way in which I connect with God. What does that mean for me though? How does this play out in the bigger picture of my life and my purpose? I'm not sure... I do think that there is a lot of negative things that were acquired through my teenage years that may need to be brought up, addressed and removed from my life...

These are the only thoughts that I've been able to piece together that has made any sense... still working on the rest of everything that had come up. :P

'Til next time!

so mad at myself...

*sigh*.... so mad at myself for losing my ring.

learning to let go though... it is JUST a ring. :)

on a different note... had a really good dinner last night... which now begins the adventure of eating at all the cooked food markets in and around Hong Kong!

I once was lost... but now I'm found!

Wow... I can't believe that it has been 6 years. I look at who I was 6 years ago... and all that I was feeling and going through at the time... then I look at who I am today... all that I am going through and feeling at the moment, and I have nothing to say but "God is good!." 

How far my God has carried me these past 6 years... from that lost little girl sitting in her bedroom trying to figure out what she just did... and hating herself for it. I've done so much to try to forget everything, and to numb the pain... but it wasn't until I fell face first in front of my God that I realized that He is and has always been all that I needed.

Since that day 6 years ago, God has carried me so far. Instead of being bound by the shame and guilt of my past, I am free! I can share my story with others not with a sense of shame but with joy at how God has used... even that event in my life to shape me into the person that you see before you all today. That I can share that story, and still give praise and glory to my God everything that He has done in life! I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Him! 

It has not been an easy road, but it has been a good journey. The hardest part has probably been forgiving myself and learning once again to see myself as God sees me, and to accept that despite everything God loves me. GOD LOVES ME! I, who have broken his heart so horribly... I who have let him down time and time again... I who fall so so so short of his glory.... yet despite it all, He loves ME! Not only does he love me, but he finds me beautiful... 

"Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away."

I believe the time has come for me to answer that beckoning... to finally get up and follow Him. I've been waiting for this for a long time... and it's finally time. There's only one right answer when God calls us to go with him... and that is YES! Because no other road I'll travel will be able to compare to the adventure that I will go on when I follow Him! So as I sit here thinking on the pass 6 years of my life... I am left with the realization that I would be nothing without my God. He deserves ALL of my life... and simply because of that, I shall go. I will give him the year that He has asked for and follow Him!  

Trip down memory lane...

Haha... someone said the word "singsperation" the other day at Plus... OMG... it's been so long since I have heard that word. Definitely took me down memory lane... and later on, I went home with this song singing in my head:

"May the words of my mouth
And the meditations of my heart
Be pleasing to You, pleasing to You

You're my rock and my redeemer
You're the reason that I sing
I desire to be a blessing in Your eyes

Every hour, every moment
Lord I want to be your servant
I desire to be a blessing in Your eyes"

I used to love that song... and I guess I was thinking about those words because I know lately that the words coming out of my mouth and some of the things that I have been thinking have NOT been pleasing to God. Sorry to those who have had to put up with my "words of death"... I really am so so so sorry! I am learning to hold my tongue and to speak words of life. You've all been given permission to call me out on my "words of death." I feel terrible for some of the things that I have let slip out of my mouth lately, thank-you to those who have been gracious and discerning with my words. 

post number two hundred

Today I had a thought... well, I had more than one thought... which all stemmed from this one quote that I read yesterday:

"I only hope that we're not too well educated to be courageous." Coming from a Palestinian who is part of a group that are trying to use nonviolent methods to unite Palestine. A response when asked what if the Israelis respond with violence to their non-violent protests... they're willing to sacrifice their lives if it means it can make a point in the middle East that terrorism will not change anything.

Have we as Christians become too educated to be courageous? Have we all gone to University gotten our degrees and found nice well paying jobs and told God that we need to be in workplace ministry and settled for that? That wasn't even what bothered me.... cause I know I'm surrounded by a lot of people who are wiling to go anywhere for God. it was the thought "Would I be willing to stake my life like that for God?" Could I continue to love people as Christ requires if I knew that my life was in danger? Isn't that basically what Jesus did? 

I want to say yes. I want to say that I am willing to die for my God... but that is a heavy statement and not one to be made lightly... Then today I had some... *ahem* incidents at work where I totally did not respond with grace, and the thought that came to my mind was... "How can I want to say that I'll die for Christ when I won't even turn the other cheek for him to love on the people He has placed around me?" 


Let's not go to extreme... but how can I say I'll go to the nations for God when I won't even wake up early in the morning to spend time with Him? So today, I am left to wrestle with the thoughts of whether I am really willing to go to the nations for my God... and if I really am willing to stake my life... to the point where death does not matter for my God. 


How important is God to you? Is He worth anything and everything to you? Is His calling and purpose more important to you than anything the world has to offer you?