Against the currents...

"The search for God is a reversal of the normal, mundane worldly order. In the search for God, you revert from what attracts you and swim toward that which is difficult. You abandon your comforting and familiar habits with the hope (the mere hope!) that something greater will be offered to you in return for what you've given up." ~Eat, Pray. Love

This is exactly what I've been learning and trying to live out. I no longer wish to conform to the patterns of the world. I want to live the life that God has ordained for me, and not what man wishes me to live. I refuse to let the drive of my life be money (which is not easy when you live in a place like HK) and have my sole purpose be to make as much money as possible. I wish for God to be my driving force, and my sole purpose to please Him and Him only.

I'm tired of trying to do what is "right" in the worlds eye. I'm tired of trying to find what would be most practical. I'm ready to live the supernatural, I'm ready to walk into all that God has in store for me. I'm ready to surrender all I am, to have but just a glimpse of His glory. If His road for me is practical and sane, than so be it. If it is not, I'm willing to go.

I'm going to start running full speed against the currents of this world, and trust that God is going to protect me from the oncoming traffic! :)

"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift." ~Matt 5:23-24

A few weeks ago, God convicted me that I had unforgiveness sitting in my heart. I am still struglling with this unforgiveness, because I am still clinging onto it. This week, He gave me that verse in Matthew. I've been standing at the altar, trying to offer God my whole life. I keep asking God to use me, to lead me to where He is calling me to be. Yet, I don't feel Him leading me, I don't feel Him trying to use me. I think it's because I haven't dealt with what He has asked me to.

This weekend, He taught me that I need to be patient. I need to let Him complete His process of fine-tuning, to let Him finish the cleaning out of all that displeases Him in my life. He came, put His arms around me and said "Hold up there, I'm not done yet, so I can't let you go out there. I need to stay put right where I've placed you, and trust me. I'll get you there when the time is right. But for now just chills right here and do what I've asked you to do."

So I guess, I will simply enjoy all the blessings that God has poured into my life. Through it, He has taught me so much, and by allowing His Holy Spirit to be in me, I will find the love that I need to forgive and to finally put it all to an end. I will learn to let go of my anger and pain. I will learn to trust God, and as a result others that God has placed into my life. I will enjoy this time where God slowly puts my heart back together piece by piece. There will be times when it gets hard and it will hurt, but I will trust in God. I will trust my maker because I know that He will be as gentle as He can with the fragile pieces.

I have found God here, and I'm loving each and every minute as I learn to fall in love with him over and over again on a daily basis. :)

small things... a world of difference

I miss being Cel... or rather I miss being called that. Hahaha... I guess I can't really miss myself, since I'm with me ALL the time. I can't really get away from myself. I miss the intimacy of nicknames and inside jokes. I miss the relationships and all the memories that comes along with them. I miss the comfort of walking into a room and knowing everyone in it. I miss feeling safe to be who I am. It feels weird at times to be called by my full name... I've gone with using Cel for so long that it takes a little longer for me to register that someone is calling me. Hahaha.... :P

I miss the old, but at the same time, making new relationships has been challenging, yet rewarding. It was been scary, but an adventure. As I get to know people better, I am starting to relax and starting to be more myself. Being riped out from what I am accustomed to has been interesting. I've been learning lots about myself. God moves me to tears almost weekly now. I am in complete awe of just how amazing He is and all that He has done in my life.

As I continue on this adventure God has put me on, I will cling to His promises that there will be more. He will make my life even more abundant and more full. I look forward to watching Him make my life flourish! I know that the road will not be easy, but will simply hold on to His power, His promises and His presense, it won't be as bad as it seems.