a new perspective...

So I went hiking on Saturday. Haha, I guess it has been a really long time since I've been hiking, and for sure I haven't gone hiking in Hong Kong since I was like 5... and that wasn't really hiking back then. So Saturday morning, at the last minute it was decided that we would go to Tai Tam for our hike which was rated as a level 2 hike, with the highest being 3. I figured it couldn't be that bad. Hahaha... oh how I was wrong. In honesty, it was simply the stairs that killed me. But I didn't want to turn around, and the view at the top was definitely was worth it.
It was so nice to get out of the city for a couple of hours. Away from the neon signs, the business, the people, the crowds, the shops... the materialism. It was so nice to be in the "mountain" surrounded by trees, rocks... and things that are green. The city looks so different when you're looking down from the top. hahaha... and it's not the same was when you go up to the Peak either. I mean, there's still that mall up there, with crowds of tourists, and just people. But the trail was pretty quiet, and when we got to the top, it was just us and trees... and powerlines. Hahaha... we HAD to go to the end or turn back, because there really was no other way down.
Then later that night, went to Thirst at church. I guess it's kind of a YIC and YAC combined. Good worship and a very excellent message. God broke me down once again with the words in God of Justice: "Freely we've received, so freely we will give" with respect to forgiveness. God has poured out His forgiveness upon me so freely,and so very generously. Yet, I'm like that servant in the parable, who holds onto that and does not share it with others. I have not shown the same grace and mercy. He took my hand last night and led me into the very depths of my heart where all the anger and hatred was still lingering and poisoning my soul. He said "Now is the time" to let go of the grudge. Now is the time to stop blaming them for my misery. It weighs me down and keeps me from being all that I can be for God. I've bought into Satan's lies that this makes me not good enough to do God's work. I bought into the lies that God's plans for me will no longer be as good as they had been originally. I believed all of the lies that was fed to me.
So now, I've decided to take on a new perspective, and responsibility for my present. What happened in the past will remain in the past, and it does not affect the plans that God has for my present or my future. The past does not make me unworthy of God's presense, or of God's blessing. I'm going to listen to God and start this forgiving so that He can show me all the exciting things that are still to come!

"We must go
To live to feed the hungry
Stand beside the broken
We must go
Stepping forward
Keep us from just singing
Move us into action
We must go" ~God of Justice (Tim Hughes)

endorphines au naturale...

oh dear... I am on such a high right now. Hahaha.... went to play some streetball with some guys from church and their work friends. Definitely not used to this humidity... I felt so gross like within 10 mins! But I was OH SO VERY NICE to play and to get out to do something OTHER than just eat and shop. Don't get me wrong, I love the shopping and the eating that can be had in the H to the K, but at the same time I'm definitely starting to get sick of eating out everyday! (Thank goodness my mom is coming home soon!) I seriously think I ate more healthy living on my own in E-town than now while living with my dad and my brother. I would cook... but by the time I get home after work, I just wanna die. (When you have NOTHING to do... it drains your energy more than if you have a bazillion things to do!)

Anyways, I definitely need to thank God for all that He has done for me. It isn't even just in the last 2 months of providing everything for me, but preparing me all my life for this. I've come to realize that I am definitely an extrovert. I tend to be quiet at first and observe lots, but when that stage is over... I come out! hahaha, I dont know how better to put it. I'm totally a people person, and I'll just get out there and meet people every week. Either that, or I just have a very adaptable nature. I admit that I've become more cautious over the years of who I trust and don't trust, but really I've realized that I'm a very trusting person and that my trust is easy to gain, but hard to get back once it is gone. I'll open my heart up to just about anyone, but if they abuse my trust, see ya later!

Praise God for new friends! Praise God for a new church and for new community! I feel so blessed! Don't get me wrong, I still miss home and all that's been left behind, but I'm learning to be okay as he continues to fill my life with all that I miss. I missed friends, he's definitely blessed me with people to hang out with. I miss just hanging out, and he provides opportunities to hang out at people's houses to just chills. I miss playing basketball and he provides me with good people to let me play with them. I thought I was missing out on Kanye West in May, and well... guess who's coming to HK in 2 weeks! I just don't know how to describe just how incredibly happy and hard these past 2 months have been. I really can't believe that it's only been 2 months!

I don't regret my decision to make that leap through that open door that God's gave me. I feel myself healing and I'm starting to hear my Father's voice in heaven once again. Oh how I've missed His voice. Praise God for always reminding me that He's there, and that He's always been there, and that He's never left. It was only I who did not want Him around.

Hehe... I'm so happy!

freedom...

i've found freedome in animosity. it's a freedom i've never felt before. i'm no longer caught in the chains that you've put around me, no longer silenced by my fear of your displeasure. i don't have to worry about tarnishing that reputation of yours. no more stuck in that prison cell of silence that you locked me up in. i am no longer entangled in the lies that you fed me, no more buying into all the lies that satan wanted me to believe.
i can now share without feeling ashamed, without worrying that you'll find out. there is no biased anger, no trying to see things from your side, no uncomfortable friends wondering if they should take sides, no more screening an invite list. people no longer see me and then see you because they don't know you. i'm no longer the girl with the baggage that is you, because they don't know about us. no more looks of pity because they don't know what happened. i can share openly in confidence because they don't know who you are, they can't put a face to this person that i speak of.
it's helped with the healing. it's given me new strength and it's mended my broken relationship with my father in heaven. i'm learning to see the whole thing for what it was, and it makes me angry and it makes me sick in the stomach. you make me sick in the stomach, but God is teaching me to forgive you. He's teaching me to lean on Him and about his grace and mercy.
the truth has been hard to swollow at times, but i will plow through this because God promised He'll be there no matter what, and the prize at the end of all this is worth it. God will deal with you accordingly and revenge is not mine to take, so no matter how much it hurt i will simply lean on God and He will hold me tight and comfort me and give me peace.