funny how people always want what they don't have. so once again, i have the house all to myself. blessing and a curse. strange, because i was getting so tired of having all these people around... and just when i was getting used to having people around again, they're all gone again. that's just the irony in life, right?
i don't mind the being alone part, but there are days when it would be nice to have someone to talk to when i walk in the door, or someone to have a conversation with while i'm eating dinner at the table... by myself. or even just someone to watch tv with, so that i don't end up laughing at something all alone. a jokes always funnier when shared with another.
the solitude almost becomes too much, yet i don't feel the need to reach out for people. even after sitting at my cubicle all day, coming home and being by myself some more isn't so bad. it doesn't drive me to the point where i feel like i need to find someone, doesn't make me desperate enough to actually pick up a phone and call people.
maybe it's that... or maybe it's just that i don't even know who i would call. i don't even know who has the time, or who i can trust. trust has become such an issue lately. maybe that's why i enjoy my solitude so much. it gives me an excuse to not have to open up myself. it gives me an excuse not to tell people things. it allows me to keep things to myself, where it is safe. it's not that i don't trust, but simply that i have a hard time trusting those who have betrayed the trust.
i choose to stay silent because i can't wear my heart on my sleeve no longer. it always gets me in trouble and it's about time that i took care of my heart. i don't want to be hurt again... so until i feel stronger, i think i'm just going to be extra careful with my heart, and keep it where i know it can't get hurt anymore.
3 Aug 2007
2 Aug 2007
Life goes on...
Don't you ever just have one of those days where you wished the world would just spinning and time would just stand still for you. For it to just stop so you can catch up with your own thoughts, with your own feelings. A day where you feel like everything is running out of your grasp, and no matter how hard you reach or how fast you try to run to catch up, you just can't seem to get there, and it's always just out of your reach. So you wonder, if time could just stop for you to catch up with everything else wouldn't that be wonderful?
Too bad time doesn't stop for nobody. It doesn't stop for you when you're sad, and you just want it to stop while you dwell in your sadness. It doesn't stop when you're happy and you wish that time would stop so you can enjoy the joy for awhile. It doesn't stop when you feel like you can't take it anymore, and you just want a break from the rest of the world. Time never stops no matter what the circumstances are.
Lately, I've been having lots of those days. Lots of days where I wish time would stop. Not because I want to dwell in any one of those feelings. Life hasn't been completely terrible to me, nor has it been great that I wish I could be in this time forever. It's been those days where you feel like things are just moving at an uber quick speed, and you wish that it would slow down so you can catch up. My days just seem to all amalgamate into one huge day... and I can't really tell one from the other. I go to work, I go home... and it starts all over again... until I reach the weekend.
But in the end, I know that time does not stop ever, and life simply moves on. I've realised that I need to appreciate each day as it comes, and take it for what it is: a blessing from God that I am alive to live another day. I know that hind sigh is 100% and dwelling on anything too long is no good for me. It will always be more clear now than it was awhile back. So therefore, I should face forward and keep striving towards the end goal.
Too bad time doesn't stop for nobody. It doesn't stop for you when you're sad, and you just want it to stop while you dwell in your sadness. It doesn't stop when you're happy and you wish that time would stop so you can enjoy the joy for awhile. It doesn't stop when you feel like you can't take it anymore, and you just want a break from the rest of the world. Time never stops no matter what the circumstances are.
Lately, I've been having lots of those days. Lots of days where I wish time would stop. Not because I want to dwell in any one of those feelings. Life hasn't been completely terrible to me, nor has it been great that I wish I could be in this time forever. It's been those days where you feel like things are just moving at an uber quick speed, and you wish that it would slow down so you can catch up. My days just seem to all amalgamate into one huge day... and I can't really tell one from the other. I go to work, I go home... and it starts all over again... until I reach the weekend.
But in the end, I know that time does not stop ever, and life simply moves on. I've realised that I need to appreciate each day as it comes, and take it for what it is: a blessing from God that I am alive to live another day. I know that hind sigh is 100% and dwelling on anything too long is no good for me. It will always be more clear now than it was awhile back. So therefore, I should face forward and keep striving towards the end goal.
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