i hate this state of restlessness that i've fallen into. this state of unsatisfaction where nothing seems to cease my frustration with everything in my life. i have a job for which i should be grateful, i have a wonderful family, and amazing friends, all of which are Godsent, and all of which i am very grateful for. so why am i so unhappy and so frustrated with my life? a year ago my life was a question mark as graduation neared, but at least i was happy. scared, but happy. now i find myself caught in the materialistic world, chasing after jobs that pay me more money, longing for things that bring only temporary satisfaction. where has all my passion gone? where did all that joy go?
i feel as if i've become what i wanted to become the least. i've become one of those people who wake up every morning and dread going to work. i've become one of those people who hate their jobs, and in turn i think i'm starting to hate myself for it.
maybe i'm restless because i've haven't attained all that God meant for me. i'm not where God wants me to be, i'm not doing what He wants me to do. but what is it that He wants for me, where is it that i am to be? i thought it was here, so was it? i'm waiting, and i'm getting impatient.
right now i'd do anything to jump back onto that plane and head back to the philippines, but i believe that's called running away from reality... and in a way, running away from God. i know that He hasn't called me back there just yet... and that right now i need to stay put and wait on God. somedays are easier than others... but God knows best, and if i try to do my own thing i know i'll simply land flat on my face. so gotta just keep trekking for the sake of eternity.
