everything we do, is the result of a choice that we make. there is always a choice. you may choose to go to class, or you may choose to sleep in. you may choose to go to work, or you may call in sick. i taken a certain route to work because i choose to take it. as we get older, the more choices we need to make. when you're little, your parents make all your decisions for you, when to sleep, where to go to school, what to eat for dinner, sometimes even what you should wear everyday. it was easy, everything was decided for us.
then we started getting older, and parents started to let us make our decisions more often. more say in which extracurricular activities to take part in, what to wear, how to cut our hair, which high school to go to, which classes to take, which university, what to major in, etc.
and i guess now i've reached that stage where i need to decide, what kinda job i want, what city do i want to be in, what kinda person i'd want to marry, should i buy a car, a house, etc. the more choices we have to make, the harder it seems. as our parents start letting go, we start to realize that not all decisions take 15 seconds. not everything is black and white. sometimes, there is no wrong choice, sometimes, you just need to make a choice.
who we are and where we are in life is a result of all the choices that we have made. i am who i am because i chose God above everything else in this world. i am where i am becuase i chose to follow God instead of my own needs and wants. sometimes, i get frustrated, and i want to take the easy way out. i want to choose the world instead of God. i want to make that choice to turn my back on God and walk away from it all. taking the higher road is not easy, and it does not come with out its consequences. to take the higher road means i have to give up myself... and sometimes that isn't the easiest thing to do. we're naturally selfish people, and we want to take care of ourselves first.
but as hard as taking the higher road is, it is the choice that leaves me with the least amount of regrets. it is the choice that does not leave me in shame or guilt. and there will always be times when there only seems like one way out of a situation, but that's a lie. there is always a choice, and that choice is always left for us to make. no one else can make up our minds for us. so don't ever blame a situation you're in on someone else. you're the only person who could've allowed yourself into that situation. (okay... of course unless someone hits you on the road while you're following all the traffic rules.)
so don't blame God for putting you into something. you wouldn't be in it unless you've allowed Him into your life to do so, and it's because He thinks you can handle it. take it as a compliment. everything is your choice.
27 Nov 2006
20 Nov 2006
simply grace
did you know that God loves you so much more than anything? did you know that you mean so much more to Him than you could ever imagaine? did you know that all God wants is your life? if you don't know how much God loves you, and desires for your life, read the Parable of the Lost Sheep (Matt 18:10-14)
sometimes, we feel like giving God control over our whole lives is way too much. we feel like if we hand everything over, then life will suck and we won't have any fun. we feel like if we don't have any say in our own lives, then nothing will turn out okay. i am definitely one of those who are guilty of this. i don't want to hand God everything, i'm scared that the things that matter to me most won't matter to God, and He'll either remove it from my plans, or just do a half-ass job on it. i get scared that if i have no say that God will make me do things that i don't want to do. i'm not perfect, i have things that i'm unable to put before God. i stumble and fall all the time. i demand to have things my way from God all the time.
but have you ever considered how much God sacrificed in order to be able to have these intimate relationships with us? have you ever thought about how much God had lost in order that we might gain and live in eternity with Him? we feel like if we give up our lives to God, we give up our freedom and we give up all our fun. i feel like that all the time. the legalistic side of the religion demands that i live that pure and blameless life that Jesus lived. it makes me feel like there is no room for error, no room for me to "live my life."
do you know that God sacrificed His son on the cross for us? Jesus died on that cross so that can be free in Christ. He died to make me blameless before God, therefore through grace we are saved, it is grace that leaves room for error. of course there is also the difference between making a mistake and doing something wrong for the sake of doing something wrong. somedays i feel like life without God would be so much more free and so much more fun, but then i remember everything that God has done in my life, and i know that's not true. i know that because of God, i have true joy that i would not have otherwise. i am free from sin, that that is better than "feeling" free because that's what the world has defined as being free.
the gravitational pull of worldly things is huge, and i admit that there are times when that pull seems to be so much stronger than the pull of the holy spirit. but that's why God requires us to spend daily time in his word and learning more about Him. it's not easy, and somedays, we will fall, but God simply requires that we try, and grace will do the rest.
sometimes, we feel like giving God control over our whole lives is way too much. we feel like if we hand everything over, then life will suck and we won't have any fun. we feel like if we don't have any say in our own lives, then nothing will turn out okay. i am definitely one of those who are guilty of this. i don't want to hand God everything, i'm scared that the things that matter to me most won't matter to God, and He'll either remove it from my plans, or just do a half-ass job on it. i get scared that if i have no say that God will make me do things that i don't want to do. i'm not perfect, i have things that i'm unable to put before God. i stumble and fall all the time. i demand to have things my way from God all the time.
but have you ever considered how much God sacrificed in order to be able to have these intimate relationships with us? have you ever thought about how much God had lost in order that we might gain and live in eternity with Him? we feel like if we give up our lives to God, we give up our freedom and we give up all our fun. i feel like that all the time. the legalistic side of the religion demands that i live that pure and blameless life that Jesus lived. it makes me feel like there is no room for error, no room for me to "live my life."
do you know that God sacrificed His son on the cross for us? Jesus died on that cross so that can be free in Christ. He died to make me blameless before God, therefore through grace we are saved, it is grace that leaves room for error. of course there is also the difference between making a mistake and doing something wrong for the sake of doing something wrong. somedays i feel like life without God would be so much more free and so much more fun, but then i remember everything that God has done in my life, and i know that's not true. i know that because of God, i have true joy that i would not have otherwise. i am free from sin, that that is better than "feeling" free because that's what the world has defined as being free.
the gravitational pull of worldly things is huge, and i admit that there are times when that pull seems to be so much stronger than the pull of the holy spirit. but that's why God requires us to spend daily time in his word and learning more about Him. it's not easy, and somedays, we will fall, but God simply requires that we try, and grace will do the rest.
9 Nov 2006
oh i love them filipinos!
God reminded me of why He sent me to the philippines for a month today. through some letters that arrived in the mail... i was reminded of why God sent me to those kids, and put them into my heart even before i set foot into that country! the kids in the picture are the kids who wrote to me. they're my grades 4, 5 and 6 whom i was teaching math to. i didn't even realize that i missed them so much until i got these letters.
why does it bring me such joy? cause i completely forgot how bad their english was! i forgot that they would write these notes, and i'd be starring at 2 sentences for 5 min trying to figure out what in the world the point of it was! ahh... such fun times those were. and the best part of opening these letters was when i opened them, and i looked down at the first letter, these were the first words that i read: dear mommy cecilia... i was like "what the?!!" and then i saw who it was from and i almost fell to the ground laughing! if you guys want to know what else was funny, just ask, i'll show you the letters!
funny how God always brings the right things at the right time. always something there to remind me that He's still there and He's taking care of me. at the same time keeping me accountable to keeping these people in my heart and in my prayers. a reminder that the burdens He's placed on my heart weren't of my own imagnation and they were from God, and they were things that He wanted me to do. somedays, i feel like my trip to the philippines was such a gong show and that i gained nothing from it, but a suitcase full of dried mangoes. but when i hear from them, it makes me want to be back there with them, and i realized i gained exactly what God had wanted to.
these kids taught me what it means to rely on God for everything. they taught me what simple joys really mean. they taught me how to open up my heart to let strangers in. and most importantly they have taught me that life is only as good as you make it out to be.
8 Nov 2006
it all ends... right here, right now
unfortunately that does not correspond to my job searching. but that is okay. because i read this during my devotions last night:
"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it be yours." ~ Mark 11:24
after hearing that, i know that i only need to trust in my God and have faith that He will provide me with all that i need, and it will all be done according to His good and perfect will for my life!
...
do NOT bring down everything that i have worked so hard to build up this past year. i am NOT going back to all that pain and deception. so please just leave me be. i was only trying to be nice, and did not mean any more by it. i thought God has provided the platform for reconciliation, and i was simply answering that call for it. well... you're ruined your last chance. this is it. i say no more.
i thought friendship was finally a possibility. so why did you go and wreck all that? so maybe the time isn't right yet. maybe the time will never be right. that lies in God's hands now. you have been given your very last chance to make it right... and you messed it up. so please just stop with the mind games. i don't need them no more. don't feed me any more of your lies. i'm walking away once and for all. please respect me for the human being that i am. i do have feelings, i do have a heart, and i will get hurt.
so i beg you. please just leave me be until you're ready to understand and apologize.
"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it be yours." ~ Mark 11:24
after hearing that, i know that i only need to trust in my God and have faith that He will provide me with all that i need, and it will all be done according to His good and perfect will for my life!
...
do NOT bring down everything that i have worked so hard to build up this past year. i am NOT going back to all that pain and deception. so please just leave me be. i was only trying to be nice, and did not mean any more by it. i thought God has provided the platform for reconciliation, and i was simply answering that call for it. well... you're ruined your last chance. this is it. i say no more.
i thought friendship was finally a possibility. so why did you go and wreck all that? so maybe the time isn't right yet. maybe the time will never be right. that lies in God's hands now. you have been given your very last chance to make it right... and you messed it up. so please just stop with the mind games. i don't need them no more. don't feed me any more of your lies. i'm walking away once and for all. please respect me for the human being that i am. i do have feelings, i do have a heart, and i will get hurt.
so i beg you. please just leave me be until you're ready to understand and apologize.
3 Nov 2006
WHAM!!!
my... that was one hard wall that i hit this week. so still no call from starbucks, so i've just figured that they're not going to hire me. and another rejection today... so even bmo won't hire me as a teller... what IS going on?!?! am i really that underqualified to work in a bank? am i really bombing all my interviews THAT badly?!? well... i know i bombed today at ATB. i feel sooooo sad right now! after my sad perfomance, the only way they're going to call me back with good news will be completely by God's grace! i even studied for the interview... and it just all came out wrong... and the stuff they tested me on was totally not what i had done with that same program at school... totally using it in a completely different way! *sigh*
~I will lead the blind by ways they have not known,
along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;
I will turn the darkness into light before them
and make the rough places smooth.
These are the things I will do;
I will not forsake them.~ Isaiah 42:16
i know that God will lead me and provide for me just like He did for the Isrealites. i believe because that's all i have to go by now. i am completely discouraged by all the rejection. it just seems like no matter what, i either don't even get the interview and when i do... i completely bomb it! but God's promised... so i will believe. no matter what His chosen people did to disgrace Him, He still loved them and kept His promises. so how much more will my Father in heaven do for me. God has taught me so much these past couple of weeks... i just hope that it's not too late. i hope that job is just a corner away... and one more turn down this dark twisted path that i call life... and the light will be there, and God will be there waiting for me to embrace me, and tell me that i did good, because this was exactly how He wanted me to endure this hardship. just a little more...
~I will lead the blind by ways they have not known,
along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;
I will turn the darkness into light before them
and make the rough places smooth.
These are the things I will do;
I will not forsake them.~ Isaiah 42:16
i know that God will lead me and provide for me just like He did for the Isrealites. i believe because that's all i have to go by now. i am completely discouraged by all the rejection. it just seems like no matter what, i either don't even get the interview and when i do... i completely bomb it! but God's promised... so i will believe. no matter what His chosen people did to disgrace Him, He still loved them and kept His promises. so how much more will my Father in heaven do for me. God has taught me so much these past couple of weeks... i just hope that it's not too late. i hope that job is just a corner away... and one more turn down this dark twisted path that i call life... and the light will be there, and God will be there waiting for me to embrace me, and tell me that i did good, because this was exactly how He wanted me to endure this hardship. just a little more...
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