~ I will be still ~
All my fears that hold me back
Every worry on my mind
When I'm trapped and breaking down
Free me Lord
Every doubt that fills my life
I'm a prisoner of my own mind
When I feel I can't go on
Free me Lord
Still, I will be still
I wil be still
I will be still
Let my mind be still
Let my soul be still
Let my life be still
Let my heart be still
I think I've decided that this is my favourite song as of late. It's such an awesome song. When I was feeling so overwhelmed and confused, it was this song that reminded that I just need to be still and wait on God. I needed to be still and listen what He was telling me. To the things that He was trying to do in my life, to let Him teach me the things that He's trying to teach me.
And let me tell you, it's been an amazing time of being still before God. I've finally figured things out, and made my decision to head on back to Canada. (Do you people realize how many people do NOT know where Edmonton is?!?) I am still unemployed and jobless, but at the same time, i feel so relieved to know that i've finally made a decision. it wasn't an easy decision, but it had to be made... and for now i am heading back to Edmonton. For how long? I have no idea, maybe God will lead me back here, maybe He'll lead me elsewhere, but I have faith that He will pull through for me, and provide me with everything that i will need.
I am going to miss my relatives like crazy, and all my new friends that i have made! they have been such a blessing in my life! praise God for them! i will miss all the good food, the warm weather, and the shopping of course! but who can call 2 places home? i've realized how blessed i am to be able to call this place home as well as Canada. so, i guess as i leave this home, I know that i am also returning to a place which i call home and i have nothing to fear there either. God is with me and He goes before me. I have no need to fear for what is ahead or to worry about it. He already has it all planned out and it's going to be just as awesome as these past couple months have been!
26 Sept 2006
11 Sept 2006
at my crossroads...
oh... what an awesome word. for the moment, i've decided to get off my soap box and concentrate on myself.
so... that was a picture from the beach in the philippines. on one side, it was starting to storm while the other side was still really blue. it was quite a sight, and the picture does not do it justice. why the picture? i dunno, just because it was a good reminder of God's hand over my life.
so lately, i've been blessed with a church and a fellowship where i am starting to really feel more like i belong. they're so welcoming that there just didn't seem like there was a need for me to go search for a different church. it was my second week at fellowship, but i'm already starting to feel more belonging, and have made more friends. this week, we broke off into small groups to discuss a series that they've been doing on counter culture. it was nice, because then, we broke off into pairs to pray. it's been awhile since i've done that, and it made me realize just how much i took those sharing/prayer times for granted. sometimes, we did it so much, i'd kinda groan and complain, but now i realize just how nice it is to be able to share with someone on a more intimate level and have them pray for those things with you!
right now i have a peace knowing that God will provide because he always does. i will be ok if he calls me either way. i will be sad either way, but i've realized that God has made me to be very adaptable, and that wherever he calls me to, i will be able to make the most of it, and serve God there. it is not my job to sit here and worry everyday about what might or might not happen. my job is to seek after God first and foremost, and everything else will neatly fall into the right place. isn't this what i learned before heading out to the philippines?! so... why is it that i find myself so restless everyday, and freaking out to the point where i can not get a good nights sleep?!
so as God has made such a large effort to speak to me at fellowship this week to stay faithful, and that He will provide in the end. i find that i've once again regained a peace in my heart. i'm going to do my part of seeking after God, and just wait for God to do his part. :)
7 Sept 2006
i'm coming home?!?!
so... i made up my mind 2 days ago that i was going to go home. and what does God throw at me yet again?!?! another opportunity? please, i beg you! God no more games! no more of this roller-coaster ride! i just need an answer straight up. is this place for me, or is it not?
sooo... just when i had made up my mind, i get this email from this girl i met at fellowship last weekend. in summary, her company is hiring, and she says that i'm qualified and asked if i was interested. this is an opportunity where'd i'd have to kick myself later if i don't at least try. haha, so once again, something could end up making me stay in hk. please please please pray for me! this would be a real great opportunity if i want to pursue a career in finance. so, this will be the one last job that i will try for in hk, and if this doesn't work out, then that is my sign to come home. sooo... either this works itself out before the 27th of sept (which is when my plane ticket is booked for) or else i am coming home to edmonton!
darn it... and i was actually ready to come home. but gotta do whatever God wants me to do. so... all in His hands. (But truth be told, i kinda want to come home, and try this again in a couple of years.)
sooo... just when i had made up my mind, i get this email from this girl i met at fellowship last weekend. in summary, her company is hiring, and she says that i'm qualified and asked if i was interested. this is an opportunity where'd i'd have to kick myself later if i don't at least try. haha, so once again, something could end up making me stay in hk. please please please pray for me! this would be a real great opportunity if i want to pursue a career in finance. so, this will be the one last job that i will try for in hk, and if this doesn't work out, then that is my sign to come home. sooo... either this works itself out before the 27th of sept (which is when my plane ticket is booked for) or else i am coming home to edmonton!
darn it... and i was actually ready to come home. but gotta do whatever God wants me to do. so... all in His hands. (But truth be told, i kinda want to come home, and try this again in a couple of years.)
3 Sept 2006
2 interviews and a rejection later...
ok... so this week i managed to land 2 job interviews. one was for a business and risk analyst trainee position, which would be kinda cool... other than the speaking in chinese part. we'll see... haven't heard back from that job just yet. next interview was for a financial consultant at this place... did really really poorly because i have troubles presenting myself in an interview format... in chinese! managed to land a second interview... just to hear the guy tell me that i'm not suited for the job. which i knew already... so why did i bother with the second interview? haha... because i have that much time, and am that bored... apparently. soooo.... just when i was ready to think that all hope was lost, i now have once again landed yet another interview next week. we'll see how this goes... doesn't seem like a job that would suit me either... argh... this is frustrating... why does God tease me like this?!?!
"Be still and know that I am God." where is this from?!?! i can't remember, but regardless, this verse just hit me today after i came home from fellowship today. fellowship was a complete blessing! i've been missing the familiar of that which is home. i miss the fellowshipping with my brothers and sisters in Christ. it has been awhile since i have felt safe and comfortable like i feel at good ol' e3c. it was good to be able to tell someone that i am from edmonton, and have them say "It's a shame about them oilers." it hurts... hahaha, but it was nice. it was nice to talk to someone who completely understands that i am having a hard time coping with things here and how i miss my friends at home like crazy! it was even more amazing when a girl i just met asked if she could pray for me, and then embraced me, and prayed God's blessing and direction over me. it was nice to have a speaker, who was a lady and who was from Canada. (who doesn't know what a blue box is?!?! apparently more than half the fellowship! haha )
but above all of that, i heard God's voice telling me to be patient. i heard Him calling me to be still and know that He is God, and that He is in control and there is not need for me to be freaking out. i hear Him calling to me to come to Him, and meet with Him, to seek Him first, and to spend time with Him. it was getting hard for me to hear God's voice, between the materialistic world of HK that i am in, and my longing for the familiar... i find myself lost in my own confusion and tangled in my own thoughts. i find myself talking to circles... oh i should go home... no i should give it some more time... no this is retarded i should go home... and it has been like this for days and days on end.
so, i will continue to be patient. i will continue to wait for God to show me His will for my life. in the mean time, i think i have found a church to worship, and a place for fellowship. :)
"Be still and know that I am God." where is this from?!?! i can't remember, but regardless, this verse just hit me today after i came home from fellowship today. fellowship was a complete blessing! i've been missing the familiar of that which is home. i miss the fellowshipping with my brothers and sisters in Christ. it has been awhile since i have felt safe and comfortable like i feel at good ol' e3c. it was good to be able to tell someone that i am from edmonton, and have them say "It's a shame about them oilers." it hurts... hahaha, but it was nice. it was nice to talk to someone who completely understands that i am having a hard time coping with things here and how i miss my friends at home like crazy! it was even more amazing when a girl i just met asked if she could pray for me, and then embraced me, and prayed God's blessing and direction over me. it was nice to have a speaker, who was a lady and who was from Canada. (who doesn't know what a blue box is?!?! apparently more than half the fellowship! haha )
but above all of that, i heard God's voice telling me to be patient. i heard Him calling me to be still and know that He is God, and that He is in control and there is not need for me to be freaking out. i hear Him calling to me to come to Him, and meet with Him, to seek Him first, and to spend time with Him. it was getting hard for me to hear God's voice, between the materialistic world of HK that i am in, and my longing for the familiar... i find myself lost in my own confusion and tangled in my own thoughts. i find myself talking to circles... oh i should go home... no i should give it some more time... no this is retarded i should go home... and it has been like this for days and days on end.
so, i will continue to be patient. i will continue to wait for God to show me His will for my life. in the mean time, i think i have found a church to worship, and a place for fellowship. :)
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