as i sit and think of everything that has fallen into place so nicely, i feel completely overwhelmed! what am i doing? am i doing the right thing? am i really suppose to go to the philippines? was it all in God's will for me, or was that all just in my head? why the philippines? why not elsewhere? maybe i was suppose to be elsewhere! the more overwhelmed i am, the more i wonder and the more i doubt.
in little over 2 weeks, i'm going to jump on a plane and go to the philippines! without prayer, none of this would have been possible! if it wasn't for God, i would never have had the courage to step up and answer this calling. i probably would have just tried harder to find a job, and started working. without God, the impossible would not have been made possible.
but in the midst of all the excitment of travelling overseas for missions, and being in awe of God's amazing power, i have to admit that i am a little sad. i'm sad that i've had to put everything on hold for this trip. i'm sad at what had to given up in order to make this possible. i'm only human, and i can't help wanting a job, and wanting to make money so i can start that comfortable lifestyle of a young professional. when i think in a worldly perspective, i can't help but want the things of the world, but when you think from God's perspective, those things once again become meaningless.
as the date of departure becomes closer and closer, i feel my nerves starting to kick in. i'm starting to get nervous. and feeling the need for prayer. prayer for all the preparations that still need to be done. prayer that i stay focused on God and that i continue to equip myself daily. prayer that God will calm my nerves.
30 May 2006
24 May 2006
rain, rain, go away...
~spring is here~
I know spring is here
Because I see the green grass
And the white pussy willows
I love the grass
It feels like pillows
I love the blossoms on the tree
And the time of spring
For you and me
haha, we wrote rain poems in grade 2, and then we compiled all of them together to make a book of rain poems. except, my english was so bad back then that my rain poem sucked, so my teacher had me use my spring poem instead. don't laugh too hard, but yes, i wrote that poem when i was in grade 2. ahh... oh how we all loved the rain when we were little. all the poems are about splashing around in the rain.
... that was my trip down memory lane.
anyways, so in the past weekend, it rained friday, saturday, monday, tuesday. and do you know how many times i got caught in the rain? 3 out of the 4 days! on friday when we came out from watching munich, it was POURING! so i had to run all the way to my car... getting wet in the process. saturday we needed to walk from murietta's to julio's on whyte ave. and of course, we had to finish dinner when it was raining the hardest! why we walked in the rain instead of taking the car, i have no idea! but i was SOAKED from head to toe! my pants were still wet when i got home!!! tuesday, when i came out of the clinic, it was raining. at least it wasn't raining hard, so i didn't get too wet on the way to the car. when we left costco, it wasn't raining, but by the time we got back to millwoods, it was raining harder. but that's ok, moving from car to car in the rain was nothing. but then when i came out from safeway, it started pouring buckets! but that wasn't even the worse part! the worse part was that i couldn't find my car!!!! so here i was running around the parking lot trying to find my car, while getting soaked in the mean time. by the time i found my car, i was pretty wet.
it's not so much that i don't like rain, because i love rain. i love being in the rain... and well, i love playing in the rain. (although everytime i say that, people give me funny looks.) i just don't like the feeling of sitting in wet clothes afterwards. maybe that's why i walked down whyte when it was raining so hard. it was just an excuse to be in the rain, and get wet. i've been wanting to stand in the rain for that long for awhile... and now i've finally done it! "let the rain fall down..." oops... that's Hilary Duff. but yes, the rain feels nice and refreshing. fun times in the rain.
18 May 2006
mission: confirmed
"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." ~Matt 6:33-34
if you were to tell me exactly one year ago that God will answer all my prayers and give me the desires of my heart i would have probably responded in one of two ways: a) laughed at you and told you no way! or b) tuned you out, while still giving you my "just smile and nod." there was no way that i'd believe that God would provide for me in all the ways He has provided for me in the past little while. i lived on the edge and i fell. at the bottom i wanted to give up, the climb up looked absolutely impossible! but i guess once again, God has shown that nothing is impossible with Him. everytime i got tired and didn't want to climb anymore, He provided rest and shelter, or He would just carry me. everytime i started to slip, He was right there holding out His hand, ready to pull me back up.
well God's answered my prayers, and has provided yet again. i've been officially accepted to go on my missions trip to the Philippines. i will leave in a month and be there for about a month. i am in complete of awe of God at the moment, because my answered prayers have surpassed my wildest imaginations! at first i was worried about what i would do between now and until mid July when i was expecting to leave for missions. then i wanted to stay longer and i didn't know if i would be able to. and then i knew that my relatives all really wanted to see me this summer, and with missions being smack dab in the middle of July, just when would i have time to stop by hk and come back to find a job (which is another worry all in itself.) so now i'm leaving a couple days after convocation, spending almost a month there, and there will be time to spend in hk, and be back before the end of august if i really want.
to add on top of what was already an awesome day, i have an interview for a job next week (we'll see what happens this time, i still can't start right away), and the OILERS WON! and we got to join in the celebrations on whyte ave when it happened! ("When has Edmonton ever been so friendly?")
i realize that lately i might have been sounding like a crazy bible-thumping-live-in-a-bubble-church-going-rule-keeping kinda girl. haha, please don't be mislead at all! i am in no way any of those things. well, i do go to church, but i don't bible thump, and i most certainly do not live in a bubble. in some ways, i may have seen more of the world, and broken more rules than you think. BUT i love God, and He has become the driving force of my life. without Him, i would not be where i am today, and therefore i am simply grateful for everything He has done for me.
so... I AM GOING TO THE PHILIPPINES...
and did i mention THE OILERS WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
if you were to tell me exactly one year ago that God will answer all my prayers and give me the desires of my heart i would have probably responded in one of two ways: a) laughed at you and told you no way! or b) tuned you out, while still giving you my "just smile and nod." there was no way that i'd believe that God would provide for me in all the ways He has provided for me in the past little while. i lived on the edge and i fell. at the bottom i wanted to give up, the climb up looked absolutely impossible! but i guess once again, God has shown that nothing is impossible with Him. everytime i got tired and didn't want to climb anymore, He provided rest and shelter, or He would just carry me. everytime i started to slip, He was right there holding out His hand, ready to pull me back up.
well God's answered my prayers, and has provided yet again. i've been officially accepted to go on my missions trip to the Philippines. i will leave in a month and be there for about a month. i am in complete of awe of God at the moment, because my answered prayers have surpassed my wildest imaginations! at first i was worried about what i would do between now and until mid July when i was expecting to leave for missions. then i wanted to stay longer and i didn't know if i would be able to. and then i knew that my relatives all really wanted to see me this summer, and with missions being smack dab in the middle of July, just when would i have time to stop by hk and come back to find a job (which is another worry all in itself.) so now i'm leaving a couple days after convocation, spending almost a month there, and there will be time to spend in hk, and be back before the end of august if i really want.
to add on top of what was already an awesome day, i have an interview for a job next week (we'll see what happens this time, i still can't start right away), and the OILERS WON! and we got to join in the celebrations on whyte ave when it happened! ("When has Edmonton ever been so friendly?")
i realize that lately i might have been sounding like a crazy bible-thumping-live-in-a-bubble-church-going-rule-keeping kinda girl. haha, please don't be mislead at all! i am in no way any of those things. well, i do go to church, but i don't bible thump, and i most certainly do not live in a bubble. in some ways, i may have seen more of the world, and broken more rules than you think. BUT i love God, and He has become the driving force of my life. without Him, i would not be where i am today, and therefore i am simply grateful for everything He has done for me.
so... I AM GOING TO THE PHILIPPINES...
and did i mention THE OILERS WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
11 May 2006
old for new
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone; the new has come!" ~II Corinthians 5:17
have u ever heard the story of the Ragman? (read it!)
it was a story that i came across when i was going through my hard time awhile back. but for some reason, it's a story and verse that's sitting heavy on my heart right now. i feel God tugging at my heart to tell you that the past no longer matters because Christ has already taken it away. you have made a decision to run this race marked out for you by God. who runs a race looking backwards all the time?! we all know that to run a race properly we must face forwards, towards the end!
i'm not proud of my past, but i gave it all over to God, and he's given me a new life. i'm willing to make the choice to forget the old and to take on the new. the old was of my sinful nature while my new life is in Christ, so why hesitate? you may think that your past is too horrible, but maybe i will understand better than you know. maybe i will understand because i have been there too. but it's not my job to understand, that's God's job. He knows better than anyone else what we go through and what makes us tick. if it doesn't matter to God, why should it matter to anyone else? what is more important? what God thinks or what other people think?
let go and let God! when you let God take the driver seat of your life, He will open doors that you never thought possible. He will bring blessings that you never thought you could have! He will answer prayers in ways you could not have ever imagined! but in order to see the full power of God, you have to let go of yourself. God can't give you the new and better things, if you do not let go of the old things. don't be content with what you have now. let God give you what you could not even have thought for yourself!
i keep feeling God's tugging on my heart to let the old go and to receive the new. do you feel the same tugging? if you do, i hope you give God a chance or else you might miss out on His amazing blessings. let go and let God lead you. follow Him because He will never lead you towards harm, but only towards His wonderful plan for your life! i can say that because i decided to hang on for too long, i've missed out on a lot. but now, i'm making the choice to let go and move on. i'm giving God a chance to make my life what He wants it to be, to do what He wants me to be. because He's taken over, i trust that all He places in my life is good. i see that all my answered prayers have been in ways i could never have imagined for myself!
i've let go, the question is: can you?
have u ever heard the story of the Ragman? (read it!)
it was a story that i came across when i was going through my hard time awhile back. but for some reason, it's a story and verse that's sitting heavy on my heart right now. i feel God tugging at my heart to tell you that the past no longer matters because Christ has already taken it away. you have made a decision to run this race marked out for you by God. who runs a race looking backwards all the time?! we all know that to run a race properly we must face forwards, towards the end!
i'm not proud of my past, but i gave it all over to God, and he's given me a new life. i'm willing to make the choice to forget the old and to take on the new. the old was of my sinful nature while my new life is in Christ, so why hesitate? you may think that your past is too horrible, but maybe i will understand better than you know. maybe i will understand because i have been there too. but it's not my job to understand, that's God's job. He knows better than anyone else what we go through and what makes us tick. if it doesn't matter to God, why should it matter to anyone else? what is more important? what God thinks or what other people think?
let go and let God! when you let God take the driver seat of your life, He will open doors that you never thought possible. He will bring blessings that you never thought you could have! He will answer prayers in ways you could not have ever imagined! but in order to see the full power of God, you have to let go of yourself. God can't give you the new and better things, if you do not let go of the old things. don't be content with what you have now. let God give you what you could not even have thought for yourself!
i keep feeling God's tugging on my heart to let the old go and to receive the new. do you feel the same tugging? if you do, i hope you give God a chance or else you might miss out on His amazing blessings. let go and let God lead you. follow Him because He will never lead you towards harm, but only towards His wonderful plan for your life! i can say that because i decided to hang on for too long, i've missed out on a lot. but now, i'm making the choice to let go and move on. i'm giving God a chance to make my life what He wants it to be, to do what He wants me to be. because He's taken over, i trust that all He places in my life is good. i see that all my answered prayers have been in ways i could never have imagined for myself!
i've let go, the question is: can you?
8 May 2006
one word: bebot
for everyone who has not seen the video, and that msn thingy don't work... so here's the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aoLUdlWaC8I
enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aoLUdlWaC8I
enjoy!
3 May 2006
running my race...
i can't believe that LS spring retreat 2006 has come and gone already! amazing weekend. when God works, God truly works. first of all, having a lady speaker was the best thing ever! it's nice to hear talks from a female perspective instead of always hearing things from the male perspective. it touched at a whole new level that a male speaker would never be able to reach with us girls. although parts of her talks were huge kicks in the butt for me, they were good kicks. maybe a little too much relationship talk for my liking... but maybe god's trying to tell me something. haha
i loved how she talked about suffering and put her own experience of suffering into it. to share something so new, so fresh, and still a bleeding wound takes a lot of guts. its women like her that make me ashamed of myself for always hiding myself in the corner to nurse my wounds by myself. always keeping my most inner thoughts to myself, the most sensitive feelings inside where no one will ever see them. i told myself that i wasn't going to break out the water works this year at camp... but God completely stripped me of my pride and brought me to tears once again. (i guess i'm not dead on the inside after all!)
i don't even know how to describe just how wonderful God has been! He stripped me down to tears, but at the same time, He knew exactly what to bring to restore hope, and a smile on to my face. yes, they were tears of pain, of regret, and of shame, but he turned my mourning into joy. this weekend He's made me realize that i can no longer dwell on the past, but it's time that i moved on and accept His grace. there's no more need to stay in my suffering because He has called me from it. it i continue to dwell and buy into satan's lies that God will never forgive me, then it'll eventually cause me to walk away from this race. and i refuse to be the soil filled with thorns, where i'll turn my back on God when hardships hit. i choose to be the good fertile soil that will produce fruit.
God's filled my life with so many blessings, he keeps answering prayer after prayer in such big and unimaginable ways! He keeps filling my days with amazing blessings that i couldn't ever have imagined. I traded my sorrows and pains for the joy of the Lord. this is true genuine joy. not that plastered smile that i've been carrying around for so long, but a real one that comes from my heart. He's picked up the broken pieces of my heart and sewed them back together. He's stiched up my wounds and caused them to heal, He's stopped the bleeding and cleaned out the infection. so now, once again, i am able to stand up and run this race with my head held high.
it's been a hard year, but i made it! there are a few scratches here and there, but i'm still standing. thanks for all the prayers, encouragements, hugs, and listening ears! couldn't have done it without any of you, and most of all God! thanks for everyone who stepped in when it seemed the whole world had gone out!
i loved how she talked about suffering and put her own experience of suffering into it. to share something so new, so fresh, and still a bleeding wound takes a lot of guts. its women like her that make me ashamed of myself for always hiding myself in the corner to nurse my wounds by myself. always keeping my most inner thoughts to myself, the most sensitive feelings inside where no one will ever see them. i told myself that i wasn't going to break out the water works this year at camp... but God completely stripped me of my pride and brought me to tears once again. (i guess i'm not dead on the inside after all!)
i don't even know how to describe just how wonderful God has been! He stripped me down to tears, but at the same time, He knew exactly what to bring to restore hope, and a smile on to my face. yes, they were tears of pain, of regret, and of shame, but he turned my mourning into joy. this weekend He's made me realize that i can no longer dwell on the past, but it's time that i moved on and accept His grace. there's no more need to stay in my suffering because He has called me from it. it i continue to dwell and buy into satan's lies that God will never forgive me, then it'll eventually cause me to walk away from this race. and i refuse to be the soil filled with thorns, where i'll turn my back on God when hardships hit. i choose to be the good fertile soil that will produce fruit.
God's filled my life with so many blessings, he keeps answering prayer after prayer in such big and unimaginable ways! He keeps filling my days with amazing blessings that i couldn't ever have imagined. I traded my sorrows and pains for the joy of the Lord. this is true genuine joy. not that plastered smile that i've been carrying around for so long, but a real one that comes from my heart. He's picked up the broken pieces of my heart and sewed them back together. He's stiched up my wounds and caused them to heal, He's stopped the bleeding and cleaned out the infection. so now, once again, i am able to stand up and run this race with my head held high.
it's been a hard year, but i made it! there are a few scratches here and there, but i'm still standing. thanks for all the prayers, encouragements, hugs, and listening ears! couldn't have done it without any of you, and most of all God! thanks for everyone who stepped in when it seemed the whole world had gone out!
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