SCHOOL IS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY LAST FINAL EXAM HAS BEEN WRITTEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM DONE UNIVERSITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
now i need to concentrate on studying for FM in may.
oh application for missions is in. so once everything gets processed and they give me the a-ok, i'm off to the philippines for 2 weeks in july. haha... no more china. still an orphanage though, just in philippines instead of in china. i'm getting so excited for that!
PRAISE GOD!
LIFE IS AWESOME!
I'M DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
27 Apr 2006
20 Apr 2006
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." ~Proverbs 3:5-6
That is one of my favourite verses of all time. It is my constant reminder that I can't do things on my own, or in my own way. I have to trust in the Lord, and trust that He is leading me in the right direction. How hard that is to grasp in the midst of final exams! 2 exams today... and 2 more left next week. I have never been so terrified of failing in my entire life. Before, it's always been... oh, well if things go badly, it's okay. But now, it will determine whether or not I can graduate or not!!! In the midst of my fears, I always forget to trust in God. I always rely on my own strength, and rely on my own efforts. But if I do no live according to God's will, then there's no purpose to my life. If I do not follow his calling, then I will wander aimlessly, and life will never be fulfilling in the way that He wants my life to be.
If I lean on my own understanding, I will most certainly fail in everything. If I do not depend on God, then I will surely fall into sin, and ultimately death. Only through God's grace and mercy can I live a new life that was bought for me by Jesus' blood on the cross. How can that no be motivation to do the right thing? But I know and understand that we are human. We all have our own temptations, and we all have our own private sins that we deal with in our own hearts. I also know that if do not rely on God's forgiveness and accept it, we will never repend truly, and we are never truly free. Trying to defeat closet monsters in your own life by yourself is never easy, and you will almost always fail. We were designed for fellowship with one another, and with Christ. Therefore, only through accountability through brothers and sisters in Christ and a relationship with Christ are we able to stand up to the things in our lives that tries to pull us down.
Exams are a hard time for anyone. Lack of sleep, (and lack of food for some) cause us all to be cranky, and hard to deal with. The stress from studying and the desire to do well cause us to be more high strung than normal, but don't lose sight of Christ in all this chaos. Focus on God even in the midst of your studies! Don't let the things of this world tear you away from the unconditional love that is found only in our heavenly Father.
That is one of my favourite verses of all time. It is my constant reminder that I can't do things on my own, or in my own way. I have to trust in the Lord, and trust that He is leading me in the right direction. How hard that is to grasp in the midst of final exams! 2 exams today... and 2 more left next week. I have never been so terrified of failing in my entire life. Before, it's always been... oh, well if things go badly, it's okay. But now, it will determine whether or not I can graduate or not!!! In the midst of my fears, I always forget to trust in God. I always rely on my own strength, and rely on my own efforts. But if I do no live according to God's will, then there's no purpose to my life. If I do not follow his calling, then I will wander aimlessly, and life will never be fulfilling in the way that He wants my life to be.
If I lean on my own understanding, I will most certainly fail in everything. If I do not depend on God, then I will surely fall into sin, and ultimately death. Only through God's grace and mercy can I live a new life that was bought for me by Jesus' blood on the cross. How can that no be motivation to do the right thing? But I know and understand that we are human. We all have our own temptations, and we all have our own private sins that we deal with in our own hearts. I also know that if do not rely on God's forgiveness and accept it, we will never repend truly, and we are never truly free. Trying to defeat closet monsters in your own life by yourself is never easy, and you will almost always fail. We were designed for fellowship with one another, and with Christ. Therefore, only through accountability through brothers and sisters in Christ and a relationship with Christ are we able to stand up to the things in our lives that tries to pull us down.
Exams are a hard time for anyone. Lack of sleep, (and lack of food for some) cause us all to be cranky, and hard to deal with. The stress from studying and the desire to do well cause us to be more high strung than normal, but don't lose sight of Christ in all this chaos. Focus on God even in the midst of your studies! Don't let the things of this world tear you away from the unconditional love that is found only in our heavenly Father.
17 Apr 2006
true reflection...
ever looked in the mirror and not recognize the person starring back at you? ever not been able to face your own reflection because of the shame of what you have become? ever shut someone out because you don't like what they have to say? ever put down a book because the words pierced way too deep into your heart? ever cried your eyes out during a movie because the story hit too close to home? i guess its all a part of life, a part of growing up.
ever wish there were words you could take back? ever wish that there were words you would've said instead? ever wish there were things you'd never done? ever wish that you'd made a different choice? ever wish you could forget certain memories?
the past is the past, and none of us can go back in time to change anything. the only thing we can do is look ahead and continue living life as best as we could. i wish i could make you see what i have seen, and feel what i have felt. do you understand that you've let me down? i expected more from you, i expected better. but maybe you're not any better, and i was just living in my own lies.
we're all human, we all make mistakes. if we all hang on to every grudge, every resentment, every wrong that has been done to us, then life would be bitter. of course its much easier said than done. to truly let go takes a lot of self discipline. prayer does make it easier, but the prayer must come from your heart and not just performing lip service. people will always let us down, but God never will...
i'm not good at holding a grudge, but i'm not good at forgetting. it's not the people i hate, but the events themselves.
ever wish there were words you could take back? ever wish that there were words you would've said instead? ever wish there were things you'd never done? ever wish that you'd made a different choice? ever wish you could forget certain memories?
the past is the past, and none of us can go back in time to change anything. the only thing we can do is look ahead and continue living life as best as we could. i wish i could make you see what i have seen, and feel what i have felt. do you understand that you've let me down? i expected more from you, i expected better. but maybe you're not any better, and i was just living in my own lies.
we're all human, we all make mistakes. if we all hang on to every grudge, every resentment, every wrong that has been done to us, then life would be bitter. of course its much easier said than done. to truly let go takes a lot of self discipline. prayer does make it easier, but the prayer must come from your heart and not just performing lip service. people will always let us down, but God never will...
i'm not good at holding a grudge, but i'm not good at forgetting. it's not the people i hate, but the events themselves.
7 Apr 2006
STOP.
please no more mind games. i don't think i can handle it. i know i said that i was fine, but truth be told, i don't think i am anymore. i was happy, genuinely happy, why couldn't you just leave me that way? why did you have to trample on my dreams? why did you have to turn everything upside down again?
i thought i could do this, but i can't. i can't pretend like everything is fine, there i said it, and i'm sorry. i was confident and secure, but now all the insecurities seem to have come back over night. i thought it was all over. but maybe it is, maybe i won't crumble. god, you won't let me fall, right? you have a reason for doing all this right?
i want to demand a reason, but i know i should not. i want to yell curses at you, but i know that it is wrong. i know it is only because i have placed my trust in you that trials became harder.
i'm scared... so please don't let go, not yet. i still need you to hold me a little longer. in the safety of your hand where you will protect me.
god, i'm terrified.
i thought i could do this, but i can't. i can't pretend like everything is fine, there i said it, and i'm sorry. i was confident and secure, but now all the insecurities seem to have come back over night. i thought it was all over. but maybe it is, maybe i won't crumble. god, you won't let me fall, right? you have a reason for doing all this right?
i want to demand a reason, but i know i should not. i want to yell curses at you, but i know that it is wrong. i know it is only because i have placed my trust in you that trials became harder.
i'm scared... so please don't let go, not yet. i still need you to hold me a little longer. in the safety of your hand where you will protect me.
god, i'm terrified.
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