tinted lenses

do not sit there with your tinted lenses on and pass judgement on me. do not compare me to yourself and tell me that you are better than me. what gives you the right to tell me what it is that you think i need? who are you to tell me that my life is worthless? just because you have never seen the things i have seen, or done the things i have done does not make you better than me. just because you don't understand does not make it wrong.
all people behind their tinted lenses see is that we are unworthy, we are not like the others. you do not have to condemn us just because we have made poor choices in the past. do not look at me like i am a criminal! i am not a maniac, and i definitely am not crazy! i do not need psychiatric help, i do not need drugs. i do not need your judegement, or your so-called advice.
those tinted lenses have got you thinking that you're perfect, that you're better than people like me. they make you believe that we need YOU to "save" us. they make you believe that it is your job to jam bible scripture down our throats, and tell us where we do not measure up.
well, here's my advice for you. take off those tinted lenses and see us as we are. we are humans just like you. we are all made in God's image, just like you. maybe this way, you'll see the hurt in our eyes, the hopelessness in your actions, the cry for love in our tears. maybe if you saw us for the humans we are, you'll realize that you are no better than we are, and that judgement and condemnation will not help.
i'm not interested in having bible verses thrown at me, i could throw another bunch right back at you. but i choose not to. i'll admit that i'm imperfect, and that i am only human. i realize that i will never be perfect, but it is not your books that i need to measure up to, but to God's. He knows the guilt and the shame i feel. He knows the about the regret, He knows and understand that i am only human, but yet he still showers me with love.
i don't know. maybe you don't understand, the pain, or the regret, but that's not your job to understand. it is not sympathy i seek, but true fellowship, and love. i don't need judgement or advice, you simply need to take off those tinted lenses and listen with your heart, and treat me as a human being created equal to you in God's image, JUST LIKE YOU....

happy reading week!

happy reading to everyone's who's reading weeks have ACTUALLY started. as for me, who should be enjoying my last reading week ever... i'm stuck studying for my SOA exam on tuesday! what a way to spend my long weekend. instead of spending the family long weekend on the annual ski trip boarding at Marmot... i will continue to spend my days and nights in the wonderful buildings of ETLC or NREF studying! do i ever leave those buildings? haha... doesn't seem like i ever do!
well, to those who DO get to spend this wonderful weekend in the mountains, do play safe! and enjoy... haha don't miss me too much! j/k
but honestly, i'm terrified for this exam! haha, i joke and complain about it being during reading week. haha... but this exam will be determine whether i can start applying for jobs, and let me know if this is the right career choice for me! so really, i'm scared! i want to do well, i REALLY want to pass! i truly believe that God's placed this in my life for a reason, and i just feel that this is what i'm suppose to be doing. he didn't make me do a 180 degree turn from natural sciences to land myself in mathematica & statistical sciences for no reason, and i believe that with every ounce of me.
and given how un-wonderfully i have been doing on my midterms this week... i'm scared it'll reflect onto this exam! ahhhhhhhhhhh.... countdown is 3 days... and i have about 200 practice questions i need to get through before then. and about a billion distribution fomulas to cram into my head!!! so lovely ppl who read my blog, please pray for me! pray for peace, and pray for the discipline to study while everyone else is off playing! please and thanks! i love u all!

who am i?

Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt

Who am I?
That the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still, you hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
You have told me who I am
I am Yours

~we are nothing if not for God. none of us can say we are better than others, nor can any of us say we are nothing in comparison to everyone else. if He has called you, you better step up, and if He hasn't called you, then you better re-evaluate what you're doing. strong sermon, strong song.~

define family of God please...

when u hear the words family of God, what is it that u think about? let's back track, what do u think of when you hear the word family? do u think of love, kindness, caring, sharing, etc? most people would. despite the popular belief people hold that their family's "weird" deep down you know that you'll be there for each other no matter what happened. no matter what happens, your family will always have you back, and no matter what happens, you can always run there to hide, to rest, to be encouraged, etc.
now compare this to a the family of God? should it not also be a place where we will feel love, kindness, caring, etc? should it not be a place where we can run to if we feel like there is no where else to go? should it not be a place where you know people will be there for you no matter what happens? should it not be like this and better? a place where even those who have never felt the love of family can feel loved and accepted? considering that Jesus prayed that people will know who we are by the love we have for one another, should this not be a place where love constantly flows out?
can someone please tell me why there is so much hostility between brothers and sisters in Christ? can someone please explain why they hold grudges against each other? we sit there on suday and say the words "and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us," but do we mean the words? how can u pray for forgiveness if you dont' really want to forgive? why are we so quick to condemn and reprimand, but so slow to acceptance? how can so many ppl walk around church with hurt feelings because of what another brother or sister in Christ did? why would any non-christian want to be a part of this?
do you know the extent of God's grace and mercy? do you understand just how far that goes? no one sin is greater than another, therefore, who are any of us to judge what another has done? if you truly understand just now unperfect and sinful we all are, how can you not extend this grace and mercy to everyone you meet? having understood the vastness of God's forgiveness, how can you hold that for yourself and not forgive others who have wronged you?
holding a grudge is tiring, being angry is tiring, it's all very pointless. cutting down others will not make you better than them. forgiveness is hard, but is a must if we are to love God with our whole hearts. eventually it'll bring a peace, which takes over the anger. what's better to brew in your heart? God's love, or anger? it's your choice.