no one said it would be easy

"The reason some of us are such poor specimens of Christianity is because we have no Almighty Christ. We have Christian attributes and experiences, but there is no abandonment to Jesus Christ." ~ Oswald Chambers

so often, i find myself falling into the trap of becoming that sunday christian. especially now that i'm not serving at church, it's so easy to just praise and worship God on sunday... then on every other day... god gets put on the back burner, and sometimes even pushed out of my life completely. it doesn't work so well to compartimentalize your life into church and non-church. one will always dominiate over the other, and they can never co-exist in harmony.

when we don't abandon our lives to God, He doesn't come shining through our lives. what ends up showing through is our true selfish human nature. the part of us that isn't able to love through God's supernatural love, and therefore we are called hypocrites and turn people away from Christianity. when we lead that double-faced life of ours, it's easy to see why people would call us hypocrites. i'd call myself one too.

but God never promised that being a Christian would be easy. He never promised that it would be all blue skies and daisies. BUT He did promise that He would walk it with us, and never leave us on our own as long as we put our faith in Him. human nature causes us to not abandon our lives to God, therefore, God does not come shining through.

honestly, even the best of christian makes mistakes sometimes. it's only human. so please, just cut us some slack. we do try our best.

there's always a choice

everything we do, is the result of a choice that we make. there is always a choice. you may choose to go to class, or you may choose to sleep in. you may choose to go to work, or you may call in sick. i taken a certain route to work because i choose to take it. as we get older, the more choices we need to make. when you're little, your parents make all your decisions for you, when to sleep, where to go to school, what to eat for dinner, sometimes even what you should wear everyday. it was easy, everything was decided for us.
then we started getting older, and parents started to let us make our decisions more often. more say in which extracurricular activities to take part in, what to wear, how to cut our hair, which high school to go to, which classes to take, which university, what to major in, etc.
and i guess now i've reached that stage where i need to decide, what kinda job i want, what city do i want to be in, what kinda person i'd want to marry, should i buy a car, a house, etc. the more choices we have to make, the harder it seems. as our parents start letting go, we start to realize that not all decisions take 15 seconds. not everything is black and white. sometimes, there is no wrong choice, sometimes, you just need to make a choice.
who we are and where we are in life is a result of all the choices that we have made. i am who i am because i chose God above everything else in this world. i am where i am becuase i chose to follow God instead of my own needs and wants. sometimes, i get frustrated, and i want to take the easy way out. i want to choose the world instead of God. i want to make that choice to turn my back on God and walk away from it all. taking the higher road is not easy, and it does not come with out its consequences. to take the higher road means i have to give up myself... and sometimes that isn't the easiest thing to do. we're naturally selfish people, and we want to take care of ourselves first.
but as hard as taking the higher road is, it is the choice that leaves me with the least amount of regrets. it is the choice that does not leave me in shame or guilt. and there will always be times when there only seems like one way out of a situation, but that's a lie. there is always a choice, and that choice is always left for us to make. no one else can make up our minds for us. so don't ever blame a situation you're in on someone else. you're the only person who could've allowed yourself into that situation. (okay... of course unless someone hits you on the road while you're following all the traffic rules.)
so don't blame God for putting you into something. you wouldn't be in it unless you've allowed Him into your life to do so, and it's because He thinks you can handle it. take it as a compliment. everything is your choice.

simply grace

did you know that God loves you so much more than anything? did you know that you mean so much more to Him than you could ever imagaine? did you know that all God wants is your life? if you don't know how much God loves you, and desires for your life, read the Parable of the Lost Sheep (Matt 18:10-14)
sometimes, we feel like giving God control over our whole lives is way too much. we feel like if we hand everything over, then life will suck and we won't have any fun. we feel like if we don't have any say in our own lives, then nothing will turn out okay. i am definitely one of those who are guilty of this. i don't want to hand God everything, i'm scared that the things that matter to me most won't matter to God, and He'll either remove it from my plans, or just do a half-ass job on it. i get scared that if i have no say that God will make me do things that i don't want to do. i'm not perfect, i have things that i'm unable to put before God. i stumble and fall all the time. i demand to have things my way from God all the time.
but have you ever considered how much God sacrificed in order to be able to have these intimate relationships with us? have you ever thought about how much God had lost in order that we might gain and live in eternity with Him? we feel like if we give up our lives to God, we give up our freedom and we give up all our fun. i feel like that all the time. the legalistic side of the religion demands that i live that pure and blameless life that Jesus lived. it makes me feel like there is no room for error, no room for me to "live my life."
do you know that God sacrificed His son on the cross for us? Jesus died on that cross so that can be free in Christ. He died to make me blameless before God, therefore through grace we are saved, it is grace that leaves room for error. of course there is also the difference between making a mistake and doing something wrong for the sake of doing something wrong. somedays i feel like life without God would be so much more free and so much more fun, but then i remember everything that God has done in my life, and i know that's not true. i know that because of God, i have true joy that i would not have otherwise. i am free from sin, that that is better than "feeling" free because that's what the world has defined as being free.
the gravitational pull of worldly things is huge, and i admit that there are times when that pull seems to be so much stronger than the pull of the holy spirit. but that's why God requires us to spend daily time in his word and learning more about Him. it's not easy, and somedays, we will fall, but God simply requires that we try, and grace will do the rest.

oh i love them filipinos!

God reminded me of why He sent me to the philippines for a month today. through some letters that arrived in the mail... i was reminded of why God sent me to those kids, and put them into my heart even before i set foot into that country! the kids in the picture are the kids who wrote to me. they're my grades 4, 5 and 6 whom i was teaching math to. i didn't even realize that i missed them so much until i got these letters.
why does it bring me such joy? cause i completely forgot how bad their english was! i forgot that they would write these notes, and i'd be starring at 2 sentences for 5 min trying to figure out what in the world the point of it was! ahh... such fun times those were. and the best part of opening these letters was when i opened them, and i looked down at the first letter, these were the first words that i read: dear mommy cecilia... i was like "what the?!!" and then i saw who it was from and i almost fell to the ground laughing! if you guys want to know what else was funny, just ask, i'll show you the letters!
funny how God always brings the right things at the right time. always something there to remind me that He's still there and He's taking care of me. at the same time keeping me accountable to keeping these people in my heart and in my prayers. a reminder that the burdens He's placed on my heart weren't of my own imagnation and they were from God, and they were things that He wanted me to do. somedays, i feel like my trip to the philippines was such a gong show and that i gained nothing from it, but a suitcase full of dried mangoes. but when i hear from them, it makes me want to be back there with them, and i realized i gained exactly what God had wanted to.
these kids taught me what it means to rely on God for everything. they taught me what simple joys really mean. they taught me how to open up my heart to let strangers in. and most importantly they have taught me that life is only as good as you make it out to be.

it all ends... right here, right now

unfortunately that does not correspond to my job searching. but that is okay. because i read this during my devotions last night:
"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it be yours." ~ Mark 11:24
after hearing that, i know that i only need to trust in my God and have faith that He will provide me with all that i need, and it will all be done according to His good and perfect will for my life!

...
do NOT bring down everything that i have worked so hard to build up this past year. i am NOT going back to all that pain and deception. so please just leave me be. i was only trying to be nice, and did not mean any more by it. i thought God has provided the platform for reconciliation, and i was simply answering that call for it. well... you're ruined your last chance. this is it. i say no more.

i thought friendship was finally a possibility. so why did you go and wreck all that? so maybe the time isn't right yet. maybe the time will never be right. that lies in God's hands now. you have been given your very last chance to make it right... and you messed it up. so please just stop with the mind games. i don't need them no more. don't feed me any more of your lies. i'm walking away once and for all. please respect me for the human being that i am. i do have feelings, i do have a heart, and i will get hurt.

so i beg you. please just leave me be until you're ready to understand and apologize.

WHAM!!!

my... that was one hard wall that i hit this week. so still no call from starbucks, so i've just figured that they're not going to hire me. and another rejection today... so even bmo won't hire me as a teller... what IS going on?!?! am i really that underqualified to work in a bank? am i really bombing all my interviews THAT badly?!? well... i know i bombed today at ATB. i feel sooooo sad right now! after my sad perfomance, the only way they're going to call me back with good news will be completely by God's grace! i even studied for the interview... and it just all came out wrong... and the stuff they tested me on was totally not what i had done with that same program at school... totally using it in a completely different way! *sigh*

~I will lead the blind by ways they have not known,
along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;
I will turn the darkness into light before them
and make the rough places smooth.
These are the things I will do;
I will not forsake them.~ Isaiah 42:16

i know that God will lead me and provide for me just like He did for the Isrealites. i believe because that's all i have to go by now. i am completely discouraged by all the rejection. it just seems like no matter what, i either don't even get the interview and when i do... i completely bomb it! but God's promised... so i will believe. no matter what His chosen people did to disgrace Him, He still loved them and kept His promises. so how much more will my Father in heaven do for me. God has taught me so much these past couple of weeks... i just hope that it's not too late. i hope that job is just a corner away... and one more turn down this dark twisted path that i call life... and the light will be there, and God will be there waiting for me to embrace me, and tell me that i did good, because this was exactly how He wanted me to endure this hardship. just a little more...

sad... but thankful

"When times are good, be happy;
but when times are bad, consider:
God has made the one as well as other." ~Ecclesiastes 7:14

thanks for all the prayers and all the encouragement lately! how often i sulk in my own misery and ask God why things have to be so bad. i always forget that good or bad, God is the creator, and He is in control of both. i need to remember that regardless of how bad a situation is, God created it, and He placed me into it for His own purpose that i may or may not understand at the time. God has brought me here for a reason, and i trust that He will provide me with all that i need and give me all the answers that i am looking for.

i still haven't found a job. at least there was a little more hope this week. maybe soon, it won't just be phone calls, but real interviews for a job that i will enjoy. it kinda sucks because even Starbucks won't call me back! so maybe it's time to look elsewhere for a part time job. i'm tired of this sitting around and doing nothing. but in God's time i guess. and i guess i should take everyone's advice and just enjoy this break from everything that God has provided for me.

so praise God for the good things AND the bad things that happened this past week, and praise Him for getting me through another week.

sick and tired of waiting!!!

ok... i'm so tired of this waiting around and doing nothing. even Starbucks won't call me back?!?! i can't even get a part time job?!?! i'm trying so very hard to be patient here... but it's getting very very hard. i feel like i get these calls, and then there's hope... and then at the end, it's just another rejection letter.
i'm quickly losing sight of the light at the end of this tunnel. it just seems to be moving further and further away... there just doesn't seem to be an end at all! am i being too picky? am i not doing enough?! what in the world am i doing wrong?!?
am i really going to have to go sell friggin' investments stuff that i don't believe in, and that i think are total scams?!?! how am i suppose to go sell something that i don't even believe in?!?! but at the rate this is all going, those will be the only companies who will hire me!
i'm trying to stay focused... but the anxiety appear to be winning. i haven't gotten one single call about anything in over a week... nothing but a whole bunch of rejection emails! how sad. i think i'm seriously going to go crawl into a hole and not come out. maybe there'll be ice cream in this hole.... so i just go and hide out there and eat ice cream... :(
i'm even more frustrated now than i was in hk. feels like i just keep hitting wall after wall after wall. where's the provision now?! i made a choice, so where's the job?! i don't understand, i thought i followed, and if i do, then He'll help me... i don't want to be like this. argh... trying to keep the faith.

so home i am...

home for over a week now... still feels strange.

did i make the right choice? should i have tried harder? should i have stuck it out and left for good? well, too late for those what if scenarios now. home i am, and no longer in hk. still unemployed and continuing my life of a bum. at least i got a tutor job, so that will take up like an hour or 2 a week. and the rest of the time shall be distributed between my tv watching habits, working out and hermiting.

people ask me how i feel about being home. it feels strange. feels weird. feels like the last 4 months was a really nice dream but none of it really happened. but it must have, or i wouldn't constantly be reminded of the philippines and how much i love the place and the people. if it hadn't been for real, i wouldn't be sad when i think of my new church and my new friends that i found in hk. so, it must have happened, and it must have been that good. God is truly amazing because none of it would have happened if it weren't for Him! He provided everything for me, starting even before i left the country. the opportunity, the visa, the time, the strength, the courage... it was all God! if i had things my way... i would definitely not be where i am today... an unemployed bum!

but it wasn't all about experiencing. it wasn't all about the relationships that were made. there are also the lessons that had to be learned. one thing from having so much time alone to spend with God is that He always has something to reveal and you always come out better. maybe God needed to have me all to Himself so He could show me just how much He loved me and cared for me. it was about time, that i finally realized that for it is and accept that. there is nothing i can do or not do to deserve His love, He's already given it to me! not only that, but God has really taught me to let go. to REALLY clean out my own closet monsters, and chuck them out, and not aside. God taught me to let go of all that I was trying to hold on to, because if i keep hanging on, then i won't have any room to hold the new blessings that He has in store for me! what a cliche... but it's so true!

so praise God for a safe return, and for the friends who have made the move back less painful and less awkward. thanks for all those who have made me feel like i mean something. but most importantly, praise God for everything that He has done, and for all the things that He has blessed me with!

jobless but relieved

~ I will be still ~

All my fears that hold me back
Every worry on my mind
When I'm trapped and breaking down
Free me Lord

Every doubt that fills my life
I'm a prisoner of my own mind
When I feel I can't go on
Free me Lord

Still, I will be still
I wil be still
I will be still

Let my mind be still
Let my soul be still
Let my life be still
Let my heart be still

I think I've decided that this is my favourite song as of late. It's such an awesome song. When I was feeling so overwhelmed and confused, it was this song that reminded that I just need to be still and wait on God. I needed to be still and listen what He was telling me. To the things that He was trying to do in my life, to let Him teach me the things that He's trying to teach me.

And let me tell you, it's been an amazing time of being still before God. I've finally figured things out, and made my decision to head on back to Canada. (Do you people realize how many people do NOT know where Edmonton is?!?) I am still unemployed and jobless, but at the same time, i feel so relieved to know that i've finally made a decision. it wasn't an easy decision, but it had to be made... and for now i am heading back to Edmonton. For how long? I have no idea, maybe God will lead me back here, maybe He'll lead me elsewhere, but I have faith that He will pull through for me, and provide me with everything that i will need.

I am going to miss my relatives like crazy, and all my new friends that i have made! they have been such a blessing in my life! praise God for them! i will miss all the good food, the warm weather, and the shopping of course! but who can call 2 places home? i've realized how blessed i am to be able to call this place home as well as Canada. so, i guess as i leave this home, I know that i am also returning to a place which i call home and i have nothing to fear there either. God is with me and He goes before me. I have no need to fear for what is ahead or to worry about it. He already has it all planned out and it's going to be just as awesome as these past couple months have been!

at my crossroads...

oh... what an awesome word. for the moment, i've decided to get off my soap box and concentrate on myself.

so... that was a picture from the beach in the philippines. on one side, it was starting to storm while the other side was still really blue. it was quite a sight, and the picture does not do it justice. why the picture? i dunno, just because it was a good reminder of God's hand over my life.

so lately, i've been blessed with a church and a fellowship where i am starting to really feel more like i belong. they're so welcoming that there just didn't seem like there was a need for me to go search for a different church. it was my second week at fellowship, but i'm already starting to feel more belonging, and have made more friends. this week, we broke off into small groups to discuss a series that they've been doing on counter culture. it was nice, because then, we broke off into pairs to pray. it's been awhile since i've done that, and it made me realize just how much i took those sharing/prayer times for granted. sometimes, we did it so much, i'd kinda groan and complain, but now i realize just how nice it is to be able to share with someone on a more intimate level and have them pray for those things with you!

right now i have a peace knowing that God will provide because he always does. i will be ok if he calls me either way. i will be sad either way, but i've realized that God has made me to be very adaptable, and that wherever he calls me to, i will be able to make the most of it, and serve God there. it is not my job to sit here and worry everyday about what might or might not happen. my job is to seek after God first and foremost, and everything else will neatly fall into the right place. isn't this what i learned before heading out to the philippines?! so... why is it that i find myself so restless everyday, and freaking out to the point where i can not get a good nights sleep?!

so as God has made such a large effort to speak to me at fellowship this week to stay faithful, and that He will provide in the end. i find that i've once again regained a peace in my heart. i'm going to do my part of seeking after God, and just wait for God to do his part. :)

i'm coming home?!?!

so... i made up my mind 2 days ago that i was going to go home. and what does God throw at me yet again?!?! another opportunity? please, i beg you! God no more games! no more of this roller-coaster ride! i just need an answer straight up. is this place for me, or is it not?

sooo... just when i had made up my mind, i get this email from this girl i met at fellowship last weekend. in summary, her company is hiring, and she says that i'm qualified and asked if i was interested. this is an opportunity where'd i'd have to kick myself later if i don't at least try. haha, so once again, something could end up making me stay in hk. please please please pray for me! this would be a real great opportunity if i want to pursue a career in finance. so, this will be the one last job that i will try for in hk, and if this doesn't work out, then that is my sign to come home. sooo... either this works itself out before the 27th of sept (which is when my plane ticket is booked for) or else i am coming home to edmonton!

darn it... and i was actually ready to come home. but gotta do whatever God wants me to do. so... all in His hands. (But truth be told, i kinda want to come home, and try this again in a couple of years.)

2 interviews and a rejection later...

ok... so this week i managed to land 2 job interviews. one was for a business and risk analyst trainee position, which would be kinda cool... other than the speaking in chinese part. we'll see... haven't heard back from that job just yet. next interview was for a financial consultant at this place... did really really poorly because i have troubles presenting myself in an interview format... in chinese! managed to land a second interview... just to hear the guy tell me that i'm not suited for the job. which i knew already... so why did i bother with the second interview? haha... because i have that much time, and am that bored... apparently. soooo.... just when i was ready to think that all hope was lost, i now have once again landed yet another interview next week. we'll see how this goes... doesn't seem like a job that would suit me either... argh... this is frustrating... why does God tease me like this?!?!

"Be still and know that I am God." where is this from?!?! i can't remember, but regardless, this verse just hit me today after i came home from fellowship today. fellowship was a complete blessing! i've been missing the familiar of that which is home. i miss the fellowshipping with my brothers and sisters in Christ. it has been awhile since i have felt safe and comfortable like i feel at good ol' e3c. it was good to be able to tell someone that i am from edmonton, and have them say "It's a shame about them oilers." it hurts... hahaha, but it was nice. it was nice to talk to someone who completely understands that i am having a hard time coping with things here and how i miss my friends at home like crazy! it was even more amazing when a girl i just met asked if she could pray for me, and then embraced me, and prayed God's blessing and direction over me. it was nice to have a speaker, who was a lady and who was from Canada. (who doesn't know what a blue box is?!?! apparently more than half the fellowship! haha )

but above all of that, i heard God's voice telling me to be patient. i heard Him calling me to be still and know that He is God, and that He is in control and there is not need for me to be freaking out. i hear Him calling to me to come to Him, and meet with Him, to seek Him first, and to spend time with Him. it was getting hard for me to hear God's voice, between the materialistic world of HK that i am in, and my longing for the familiar... i find myself lost in my own confusion and tangled in my own thoughts. i find myself talking to circles... oh i should go home... no i should give it some more time... no this is retarded i should go home... and it has been like this for days and days on end.

so, i will continue to be patient. i will continue to wait for God to show me His will for my life. in the mean time, i think i have found a church to worship, and a place for fellowship. :)

sunburn on a cloudy day?!?!

i believe that pictures are pretty self-explanatory of what i did today.
so who knew that you could get sun-burned on a cloudy day!?!?! who knew you had to put on sunscreen even when there's no sun?!?!
so... i didn't obviously...and guess what the result was...
i knew i burned easily... just didn't know that easily! i mean come on! i survived the philippines without even getting darker! haha... but i didn't manage ocean park without a slight sun burn... how odd. :P
but i rode my first roller coaster ever! so proud! and it had THREE upside down loop thingys! yay!
BUT... i'm still terrified of them... and of heights!

oh on another side note... i think i might be coming home. no job as of yet. pray for direction! thanks!

yet another referral...

ok... so i think i should probably figure out for myself once and for all if i want to stay or not. well... at least one good thing is that lady finally got back to me... and the earliest day i'd be starting work would be 9-11. so i finally got somewhat of an answer to that whole ordeal. and it's going to be even more temporary than before! so... i don't know, maybe i should just turn her down and head back to good ol' e-town. cause i did see this cool analyst job based in Calgary on the CaPS website the other day. we'll see, because my oh so brilliant father seems to have hooked me up once again with someone who knows someone who's hiring new grads or something. and so i gave her a call, and she said if i want something in the finance world, she might be able to hook me up. on the sadder side of things, i've applied for several jobs and received 2 rejections. haha.. maybe i should just stop bothering with this clown show of mine, and just admit my wrongs, and go back to Edmonton.
we'll see what happens. i did say i'd wait it out until mid-sept to see what happens. maybe between now and then, something will pop up. something that will allow me to gain more experience. and James Jordan is speaking at church on Sunday... so maybe that'll enlighten me some more. although he's talking about the father heart of God... should still be interesting. God can speak in many ways.
at least i finally finished that letter i've been meaning to write to the philippines. i hope they're not mad at me for not having written/texted in so long. why is it that they love to text each other?! oh wait, i think i already know the answer to that one. something about how it used to be free, so they just texted each other instead of calling. oh how i miss the philippines and the consumtion of mangos every day! maybe i should just move there instead. then it's neither edmonton or hk. just the philippines. wouldn't that be interesting? ok... but that was one really random thought. i don't think God has called me to return back there just yet. maybe in the future i can go back to visit.
so to end... i'm still unemployed and directionless! hahaha... i'm just turning into a huge coach potato... okay... so maybe i should go swimming or something... just so it'd be something to do... and maybe this way i can be darker. although i've kinda given up hope on ever being very dark at all. haha... :p
oh on a happier note. hannah called today. so i get to go to Ocean Park on Friday. yay for something to do! and a place to get dark! :)

consumed by frustration

argh!!!!!!!!!!!!! a job that was suppose to have started as early as 2 weeks ago is now... still unconfirmed. therefore, i am just a sitting duck... just sitting and waiting... and waiting and sitting... and i can't even go home because my ticket for august was last week... and it's next to impossible to get a seat in the next couple weeks.

i went to church on Sunday hoping that God would reveal himself some more... thinking maybe there He'll shine more direction on my life. haha... well, this is all i got. same thing that i've been hearing from God since before finals even began. to seek after God first, to serve Him first, and everything else will make sense. so this is where the frustration comes in! i seek God, i serve God... but yet I still feel like He hasn't shown me my direction. i followed His calling to the Philippines for a month, came back to HK... all because i felt that He has called me to do so. i get this indirect job offer... but yet it's not really working out.

i'm really torn right now. don't get me wrong, i'm not trying to turn my back on God or anything, because God is still providing in so many strange and amazing ways. it is just simply in the area of my career path that is still a question mark... and i still don't feel like God has provided with any answers. to prove my point: i REALLY wanted to find tickets to the Phantom of the Opera that was playing in HK because I don't think I'll make it back to Edmonton in time for that one. but due to popular demand... tickets were all sold out. i was actually really disappointed. but the funny thing was this past sunday, they did this kind of send-off thing for this couple in the congregation. and the guy was actually a guy who was singing with the phantom of the opera and while they were visitng, they attended this church. sooooooooo, this guys sang for the congregation as a token of his appreciation or whatever, since it was their last sunday in town. THAT was pretty neat. i didn't get to see the actual production, but i guess this was God's way of making up for it.

soooooooooo... i'm frustrated because i'm impatient. but at the same time, i semi have this peace because i've seen the way God answers prayers and i've seen the way God provides. therefore, i'm not really freaking out. i'm just really frustrated out of my boredom! maybe God wants me to find a ministry to serve him in while i'm here. haha... noooooo idea! please continue to keep me in your prayers and keep me updated of the things at home! oh and thanks for those who have been my wall to bounce ideas of off, and those who have had to endure my ramblings from my frustration!

i guess the final update is this: if nothing works out here for me sometime next month... i could be home as early as late-sept or early oct. (we'll see, i still think God wants me to stick around for a lil' while)

ladies nite.... :P

so... me and el went to ladies night in lan kwai fong the other night. very interesting... free drinks and free cover.... so i guess that makes it .... very very interesting. please remind me to never drink on an empty stomach! cause... well, i'm a cheap enough drunk as it is... that plus an empty stomach... NOT a good idea. but, i was less buzzed than i thought i would be on an empty stomach... so all is good. the music was a little bunk though... at least they did play SOME good songs, but those few didn't even add up to 50%... so hence... BAD music... and apparently, that's the club where the locals go... so another deduction there!
i just realized that i have a really bad tan line... yuck! i believe that is a new one... slightly built on top of the one from last summer. ahhh... one day at disney sea.... and this is what happens.... at least i didn't burn! so for that i'm grateful.
anyways... ladies night made me miss the girls! ahhh... iron horse and its pole... hahahhaa.... drinking with the girls.... some good times. but new friends are fun too... they make for the homesickness to be less so... and helps me to pass time much more quickly.

oh... haha... i got new glasses... and permed my hair again. but i think... it makes me look like a local... so i don't wear my glasses. haha :P hmm... oh we bought a new laptop... so now i can have internet... (if the laptop is positioned correctly...) maybe this will also help me pass time... OH and it's suppose to help aid me in finding a job faster... hahaha... hopefully.... it will fulfill both of its purposes! this new baby is soooo pretty! hahaha... but i miss my own laptop at home... i miss a lot of things at home... like my bed.... my closet.... my books.... my tv.... oh and of course.... MY FRIENDS! hahaha... but opportunities here seem too good to not give them a chance... so we'll definitely have to see what happens... and see where God directs. at this moment, i'm feeling i should stay here.
sorry for really rambly... and random blogs as of late... but just deal! haha... my mind's a jumble of thoughts!

ohiyo!

we drove to Japan... haha... j/k!

don't we look so Japanese?! haha... :P

wow... time sure does fly quickly when you're having fun! it's been a loooooong time since i've had such little sleep... as in like maybe 12 hours in 4 days time? haha... i don't even get that little sleep during finals or at camp! BUT... it was a blast and i had a lot of fun!

despite the fact that i honestly met like more than half of these people in hk within the last couple weeks... haha... they sure made the trip very fun and memorable. i guess God just always knows when to bring you the right people at the right time. i've been feeling sooo homesick for Edmonton, and I guess these people somewhat provided that.... not the Edmonton part, but they certainly fulfill the Alberta factor of that equation... since they're all from Calgary! haha... despite the fact that they're from the rival town... haha Eleanor and her sister Hannah made the trip a blast! 3 girls suffering from the lack of sleep... it's quite entertaining... it's almost like when i'm drunk... i think everything is funny! except this is a result of lack of sleep and not alcohol! :) oh and we can't forget jack of course. he most certainly added to the trip... hahahaha :) and Aaron and his gf Kitty... what would we do without Kitty since she knows Japanese!

as to updates about the job thing, I did call her back after my trip, but she's been so busy and tied up that i think things may be postponed for this week. haha... which is just fine for me because that just gives me more time to play and shop! :P we'll see what happens, maybe this won't work out, and God just wanted to see if i'm willing to give up home for him... thanks for all your encouragements and prayers! i'll definitely keep you all updated!

now that the fun is over... i guess it's back to thinking about what to do now... i guess right now i'm just waiting for the lady to get back to me. i did apply for this actuarial job with AIA... but i haven't heard nothing from them... and well... i don't really expect to. i guess in time God will reveal His answer to me. i just don't deal well with uncertainty that is all! :P

til next time! take care!

some pics

hey everyone!

i posted 100 some pics on my msn space...

http://c-yiu.spaces.msn.com/photos/

so if you want to take a look... that's like a sixth of my pics... cause... well... there's over 600 altogether.

hope you're all doing well. drop me a line if you have time. i'll try to get back asap!

final update

Hey Everyone,

It's me again. I can't believe that a month is over, and I've almost been back in HK for a week now. So here I am sitting in a internet cafe... letting you all know how that last week went.

The last week, we were hit with another Typhoon (Ferlita?) I have no idea how to spell it! But it was a strong one! Lots of rain and lots of wind... for like 4 days straight! So the kids couldn't do much at all, nor could we. On Thursday and Friday, school was cancelled, so none of the college students or high school students had class, but at Glory to God Christian Academy, it was class as usual! :) Otherwise, the kids would just go crazy, so we might as well put them in class! Teaching was pretty hard, because the rain pounding on a metal roof, makes it hard to hear even the person sitting right beside you! But we did our best, and on Friday, we basically just played games with them in class. Oh and I watched them practice for Foundation Day (which they had yesterday). I was actually really sad to miss that.

It was awesome that the high school kids didn't have class, because then we got the opportunity to hang out with them and fellowship with them! The pastor asked us to share our little blurbs from Chapel hour, that we did with the kids. I really enjoy fellowshipping with the high school students! The language barrier is a little better, because they speak a bit more English than the younger kids. The typhoon apparently also killed a mother and her 3 kids in Olongapo (which is about 45min away from us), landslide in Baguio City, and a billboard was knocked down in Manila. Craziness!

On Saturday, we had a farewell party thingy. That was so much fun! But it was sooooo sad! The kids performed special numbers, and some of the high school students sang for me..... that was interesting. But the pre-schoolers did this culture dance! It was soooo cute! I'll show you all when I get home. It's all on video! As a gift they gave me this blow gun (and I quote) for "hunting mice and birds when [i] get home." But it's pretty sweet, and in exchange i presented them with the oilers flag... a lil' late in coming, but they don't care, cause they have no idea who they are anyways! I have a picture of the kids with it for all your Oiler fans! :) Oh, i bought them a treat... but i can't ever remember what they're called, it was something chinese, and I tried to teach them how to use chopsticks. (because apparently, I'm chinese so I should show them something chinese?!) haha... that was interesting. Soooo hard... cause i've used them all my life... i just know how...:P

And then Sunday... after praise, we got in the car, and were off for Manila. That was sooooooooo sad. I sat with Mary-Ann that morning... and even a couple days before that, she had already been tearing. I walked into church with just my Bible and camera, and came out with a huge pile of letters and whatnot. It was really nice. I didn't read them until I was waiting for my flight at the airport though. It just made me cry... in public. Ahhh... haha.

Oh, so on sunday, the 2 other girls were suppose to get in at midnight that night, but when we got into Manila (around 11 am) we get a call from one of them saying that she's at the airport now. That caught us all off gaurd, and apparently, the other girl ended up missing her flight. So... yah, lots of miscommunication going on there! At least, we got into town early because we were going to go see this new mall (3rd largest in the world?!). So she was lucky, we just had to make a detour... and she didn't have to wait long. I have no idea what happened with the othe girl. I guess they had to go into town again to pick her up.

I'm glad to be back with my family, and with people who kinda speak the same language as me. (Well, I can understand, even if I don't speak well.) Haha... yah... but I'm really missing the kids! I made so many new friends, and they've touched me in so deep a way that I can't even describe! I can see how God has used them to reach me. It was an awesome trip, and thank God for the opportunity and just for all his protection and guidance! Thanks for all your prayers throughout the whole month, but please don't stop praying! Continue to pray for the kids, and the other girls who are still there working with them!

Just a couple of prayer items:
- pray for the safety during this rainy season, because the children's home is on a hillside, and with all the rain, makes it prone to landslides
- pray for the girls who will be there for the next 2 weeks, pray for their ministry
- pray for direction from God, I've started looking for jobs, and my dad's been using his connections (i just need God to show me where He wants me to be.)

So, until next time.

update #1

for those who never got it:

How are you all doing?! I’m sitting in a internet café in the Philippines somewhere… haha :) Just wanted to let you all know that I got here all safe and sound, AND I didn’t lose my luggage! Praise God because I was really scared for awhile! Or just when I was waiting at luggage pick-up! It happened last time I flew by myself, so yah… I was really scared, but my luggage showed up so I was happy!So the kids are great, and my surroundings are great! And you know what the best part is?!?! I get to mangoes EVERYDAY!!!! My host family is amazing, their a Filipino missionary couple and they have 3 children. Their younger 2 are around. And their older daughter Praise is 17, and I’m having lots of fun getting to her! And my roommate, the other girl who is also here, Jade, she’s really cool! So, the 3 of us are enjoying each others company and getting to know each other. Hmm… so basically, everyday we wake up, and we eat breakfast, and then we just help out around at the school. It’s not just a children’s home, but it’s also a school for the kids. So, we help out with the preschool kids, and in the kitchen before lunch. Then after lunch, they have this thing called Siesta time where we get to just sleep, and rest. (The kids sill have class.) And after that, guess what I get to teach!??! Haha… MATH! I’m teaching math to the grades 5 and 6’s. That’s been really interesting… cause I hate teaching so much. Pray for my patience. I need a translator when I teach, because the kids' english isn't very good. And since I'm better at hanging out with kids than teaching... we all know how kids respect me... (aka Awana... haha)There’s so much I want to share, but so hard to in such a short amount of time! Haha… but thanks for all the prayers! Just wanted to let you all know that things are going great. And we don’t have internet at the home… hence the internet café. I don’t know how often I can update you all, but I will try my best!Oh yesterday, we got to spend time with the kids while they had their devotion time! They have praise time before they do devotions! It was really cool, cause they sing all the songs we sing at home! They were singing One Way by Hillsongs! I totally want a chance to work with their praise team! I was so excited when they started singing last night! But on the other hand, it has been really frustrating because the kids don’t speak much English. So.. a lot of the time it’s been a lot of hand gestures and what not, trying to communicate with them. I wish I could understand what they’re saying! So pray for that language barrier please! Okay… so continue to pray for me. Oh, and pray that I will have the opportunity to go to Baguio city, because Pastor Wilson and sister Cora really want to take us there! That will be really cool! But that is all for now. Take care everyone! (And where are my sports updates guys!?!?!)Miss you all!

update #3

OH MY GOODNESS!!! I can’t believe that 3 weeks have passed, and I’m going back to HK next weekend! Seems like I’ve been here forever, but at the same time, feels like I just got here!

Let’s see, what’s happened this week. Oh, this week, we had a new schedule. Well, a slightly modified schedule. So instead of helping in the classroom for like 2 hours every morning, I go there for about an hour, and then I go clean up the library for about an hour. Which doesn’t take an hour, but we do odd jobs here and there. So far, I’ve cleaned the library (this is where my mopping skills come in handy!), washed tables, filled large canisters of water, folded some laundry… and other random things. Oh I got to fry tofu the other day… and the odour reminded me of nasty stinky tofu found on the streets of hk… so I don’t know about that stuff. But it was different, and better than mopping, so I didn’t mind.

Another change in our schedule is what we do after dinner. Before this week, we’ve been turning in after dinner every night, so we have no idea what the kids do after their devotion time. Now, we get to put the younger ones to bed, and hang around in the library to help the older ones with their assignments. So far, I’ve spent one night teaching them Now That You’re Near! (Go En Gedi!), and another night teaching kids from my math class how to find factors, and what makes a prime number. I think I’m giving up on teaching them about the prime numbers for now, and just going back to helping them memorize their multiplication table. I was getting a little ambitious.

The time in the library after dinner has totally been an answered prayer, because the night before our new schedules, I was just praying that I’ll have more opportunities to spend with the high school students. This is exactly what this provides. That’s been really fun, one being that they actually speak English, so I can have a real conversation with them, and two they’re all on the praise team, so I enjoy talking to them about praise songs, and singing with them!

I’m really glad that Jade is here to be my roommate. The whole sharing a room thing I’m not really used to, since I’m used to a whole house by myself… haha, but it’s been really good just being able to have someone to talk to, and share with, and pray with. She’s been a real blessing!

I’ve adjusted to the climate better, so my rash is gone, and my stomach doesn’t hurt anymore. Praise God, and thanks for your prayers! But I still can’t really sleep at nights. I usually sleep around 11, and wake up around 2 or 3… and lie there until 6. Haha… that gets kinda boring. Thank God for the discman! So, God is totally my strength everyday, because otherwise I don’t know where I find the energy to play with the kids!

The kids have really warmed up to us and it shows. They’re no longer shy around us, and usually when they see us, the younger ones will come running with a hug or a handshake, and the older ones usually say hi. The language is still a barrier, but the kids don’t seem to mind, and they just keep right on talking. I just wish I could understand what they were saying! I can understand “beautiful,” “good morning, afternoon, or evening,” and “how are you?” “I’m fine.” oh and “I love you” That is to the extent of how much me and the kids understand each other, but its great! I love hanging out with them. (Oh they did teach me a bad word the other day, and I kinda got in trouble with the staff.) But fellowshipping with them has been awesome!

It’s been somewhat of a slow week. Oh, we did go to the market this week, and as we were leaving, the tricycle wouldn’t start. Good thing, we were right by this basketball court. So all the guys there stopped playing to come help us push the tricycle and it started! Praise God that we weren’t stranded there… because the Children’s Home is actually, quite a ways from town.

Teaching has been frustrating, but I have one week left, and I think I’m just going to stick to working on the multiplication table with them, and trying to find ways to make that fun for them. Pray for that! So that God will show me new ideas! I’m getting to know the staff and the teachers better, so that’s been really nice. Oh the talk this week went okay. I had to talk about being considerate, from one Bible verse. I ended up tying it in with the story of the good Samaritan. Oh, and I had to share my testimony at prayer meeting last night. That was interesting. I have no idea if they understood me, even with the translation! I guess I’m just not coherent when I share my testimony… haha. Hopefully God was still able to use my stumbling over words to touch them.

So, we’re in the middle of Typhoon Esther right now. So lots of rain, which I don’t really mind, cause that means its less hot. But the kids are couped up all day, with nothing to do. So that’s bad for them.

But yes, I will cut myself short once again. There is just too much happening in one week to be able to tell it all in one sitting. So I will end off with these prayer requests:
- one of the teachers fell down the cement stairs the other day, and hurt her arm and her back, so pray for a quick recovery (she still has 4 boys to take care of, the youngest being 4)
- since it’s rainy season, it’s cooler, and always wet, so the kids get sick easily, so please continue to pray for their health
- pray for all the teachers at the school, because most of them not only teach, but also have school after classes let out for the kids
- pray for God’s providence (the Children’s home, is actually praying for a gym and a swimming pool for the kids. Esp the gym, so they have a place to play during rainy season)
- pray for the 2 girls coming next Sunday, and my going (pray for a safe and smooth transition)
- pray for my mom who’s leaving Canada for hk next Thursday! Pray for her safe travel.
- Otherwise, just for the whole ministry.

So, once again, thank-you for all your prayers! I don’t know if I’ll see a computer again before I head off to HK. So until next time.

update #2

Hey Everyone!

Wow, how time just flies! I’ve almost been here 2 weeks! So I guess, here I am with another update from the Philippines.

So… I’ve been teaching math every afternoon from 2 until 3. It’s been a crazy experience... haha, I guess those 6 years of working at Kumon are coming into use now! Trying to use those skills to help the kids learn multiplication and division with decimals. They’re getting better at multiplication, so now we’re working on division. Let’s just say, sometimes I have to fight the urge to not want to yell at them for counting their fingers! Cause when you’re trying to divide 56 into groups of 8… you don’t have enough fingers for that!!! And by the time you make enough ticks, you could have solved the question! But God has totally been providing patience, and I haven’t been mean to the kids yet!

Hmm… oh, last weekend, we took the kids to the beach. Half on Saturday, and the other half on Sunday. On Saturday, it was mainly the pre-school kids, and a couple of older ones to help take care of them. That was really fun! The kids were so excited! They weren’t suppose to go swimming, but they all ended up in the water anyways! And here’s the best part: I got to hang out with some of the high school students that were around. Since they go to school elsewhere, I don’t really get a chance to talk to them or anything. Sooooo… isn’t it amazing how a guitar can break the ice in any country? (Praise team I miss you!) Haha… but yah, the kids had a guitar… and they were singing songs that we normally sing, so I just joined in. I tried to teach them Now that You’re Near… but I couldn’t remember the chords… but before the end of the trip, I will teach it to them! But yes, now the high school kids just laugh at me everytime they see me. Oh, and that night, one of them (Mary-Ann) asked me if I wanted to help her lead worship for the kids’ devotion time! It was awesome! Praise God! (So answered prayer right there!) Beach on Sunday was about the same as it was on Saturday, but just with a different bunch of kids.

This morning, we got to go to the market. If you’ve ever been to a market in HK, you’ll know what I mean. They’re just missing the live chickens… or I just didn’t see any.

I’m starting to get to know the kids better, so they’re not so shy around me anymore. So that’s really fun! I’m learning more Tagalog, so the language barrier isn’t as bad as before. I can kinda understand them sometimes. Or they’re really good about teaching me new words, or trying to explain something through actions. But most of the time, it’s still just smiling, and playing with them. Well, playing games that don’t require talking anyways. Haha :) Jade taught them how to play thumb war, so they love to play that game!

So really, other than teaching, and helping to set up for lunch and dinner, there really isn’t much else I do around the children’s home. Sometimes, we travel around a little bit. We went to see the Volcano last week, and where their ministry was originally, before they moved to where they are now. (Because of the eruption in 1991.) And now they’ve rebuilt a church ontop of where the original church stood.

There is just way too much to squeeze onto one email. I’ve got lots of cool pictures that I can’t wait to show you guys and more stories to share! But things are going well, and I’m really enjoying everything! Thanks for all your prayers and encouragements! Write me and let me know how you guys are, and how I can pray for you. (Even though I don’t check my email very often.)

So, to finish off. A couple of things to pray for: my health (my stomach hasn’t been feeling well, it might be cause I’m not used to the food, or cause I’m still not sleeping very well. So pray for rest and better digestion or something. Haha) Another thing is that, someone asked me to do a talk for next week’s Chapel time for the kids. They haven’t said anything else about it, but if they still had that in mind, pray that God will give me the words and that He’ll be able to use me even though there is a language barrier. Pray that God will continue to open doors for me and all the people I come in contact with, and that He continues to use me to touch the people around me. :)

Until next time,

Cel :)

i'm off!

byebye! i'm off to the philippines!

see you all in 2 months! :)

thanks for all your guys' prayers and encouragements! you're the best!

wow... 664 students later... and like 50 billion pictures... and crazy blisters on my feet... university is truly over! i have my degree, and i have walked the stage, and shook the hands of important people at the u of a. 5 years of undergrad are finally over... and to show for that is my bachelor of science degree in mathematics and mathematical sciences!
i can't believe 5 years have gone by already! in 5 years, i've probably changed my mind like 5 times as to what i want to study. studied in almost every building there is at the university, taken almost every 100 level course that anyone can think of... met like a tonne of new friends in class... and now it's done. no more studying at rutherford, or "studying" in SUB... no more going upstairs of CAB to find my math/stat profs... no more travelling the pedways of ETLC and NREF... those were some good memories.
thanks for some crazy memories of the past 5 years! all the wasted time of walking around trying to figure out where to study. the all nighters that were pulled... or just THE ONE.... haha. crazy nasty stat assignments that require us to be in GSB for hours and days on end. well... i think all the crazy stupid memories are from the last 3 years. but good they were, and i probably won't ever forget! thanks for making it all so memorable!
i still can't believe that it's come to an end. now that it's over, i kinda wish that it wasn't. haha.. no... i'm glad school is over... no more assignments.... no more EXAMS! haha... praise God! because without Him watching over me, i probably wouldn't have made it! :)

if you're happy and you know it...

CLAP YOUR HANDS! (of course)

i am so happy right now! why? because God is awesome, and because of Him, i feel completely loved! a year ago, i never would have thought that i could feel this happy or free! the dark cloud that used to hang over my head no longer hangs there. the baggage that i carried is no longer on my back. God has broken through the dark clouds with His warmth, and He's taken my baggage for me!
why do i need to be anxious when God is in charge of everything for me? i don't! but letting go is the hard part. God had to chase me around for years before i would listen and let go and let Him take over. to let Him take my hand and lead me to where He wanted me to be. God had to go to great lengths to bring me back to where He wanted me to be. i had to learn the biggest lesson of my life before i would realize just how much i needed to let go. i had to loose everything before i learned that God was all that i needed.
in a couple more days, i will be in the philippines. i don't know why He's decided to send me there, but i'm sure that whatever the reason He has, it will be perfect for me! i'm excited to see how He's going to use me there. in a country where i'm apparently a popular target for kidnap... EEK! that's ok, i know that He'll take good care of me overseas. i know with certainty that i am suppose to go on this missions. regardless of where He had sent me, i am suppose to be on missions, and that is all that is important at the moment. it doesn't matter why i'm going there, the important thing is that i'm doing God's work, and i'm following His will for my life. i know that i need to do this for God, and for myself. if not these past couple months, i would not have been able to see just how God takes care of ALL the little details.
thanks for telling me that you've seen a difference. that has been the biggest encouragement that anyone could have given in the last little while. to know that the choice i made a year ago was not in vain. that i did not go through all the pain and trials to find myself in the same place. to see that God is real, and that He really does answer prayers. i know now that because of everything i've come out stronger. i'm no longer bitter, and slowly i'm learning to take down the wall around my heart, and to let others in. i no longer demand God for revenge. it no longer matters. what does matter is that i'm happy now. what matters now is that i've followed God, and He's leading to the philippines!

one last week...

OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm leaving for the Philippines in ONE week! Ok so praise items of this past week:
~ i FINALLY got my visa... it's kinda a funny story (just ask if you want to know)
~ i got all my shots and meds (don't play ball after getting needles...)
~ my dad and grandma got here safe and sound!
Thank-you soooo much to everyone who was praying for me, and thanks for the encouragement! I seriously was starting to freak out about that visa thing! But... it's just the packing, and the travelling left now pretty much. Well... I guess I still have to convocate on tuesday too. Oh, and I still need prayer support and financial support still. (haha... can't have enough prayer, right?)
Everytime I turn around and see how far God has carried me, and how much He has been providing for me, I can't help by be in complete awe of just how amazing God is! If it wasn't for Him, none of this would have been possible! I would not be going to the Philippines. I think this past week, in the midst of DOING everything, I've forgotten the REASON, and my FOCUS for everything. So, as things wind down, and I start packing, I need to get back into the Word, and get back to praying. Because, that is the only way I will be prepared. I can always do without certain items if I forget to pack them, but I cannot do without God!

*side note* if i EVER get the stupid idea of reformatting my comp and putting linux on it ever again, please slap me in the head or something! after a week of stupidity... i've realized that windows is my friend. :P

overwhelmed...

as i sit and think of everything that has fallen into place so nicely, i feel completely overwhelmed! what am i doing? am i doing the right thing? am i really suppose to go to the philippines? was it all in God's will for me, or was that all just in my head? why the philippines? why not elsewhere? maybe i was suppose to be elsewhere! the more overwhelmed i am, the more i wonder and the more i doubt.
in little over 2 weeks, i'm going to jump on a plane and go to the philippines! without prayer, none of this would have been possible! if it wasn't for God, i would never have had the courage to step up and answer this calling. i probably would have just tried harder to find a job, and started working. without God, the impossible would not have been made possible.
but in the midst of all the excitment of travelling overseas for missions, and being in awe of God's amazing power, i have to admit that i am a little sad. i'm sad that i've had to put everything on hold for this trip. i'm sad at what had to given up in order to make this possible. i'm only human, and i can't help wanting a job, and wanting to make money so i can start that comfortable lifestyle of a young professional. when i think in a worldly perspective, i can't help but want the things of the world, but when you think from God's perspective, those things once again become meaningless.
as the date of departure becomes closer and closer, i feel my nerves starting to kick in. i'm starting to get nervous. and feeling the need for prayer. prayer for all the preparations that still need to be done. prayer that i stay focused on God and that i continue to equip myself daily. prayer that God will calm my nerves.

rain, rain, go away...

~spring is here~
I know spring is here
Because I see the green grass
And the white pussy willows
I love the grass
It feels like pillows
I love the blossoms on the tree
And the time of spring
For you and me

haha, we wrote rain poems in grade 2, and then we compiled all of them together to make a book of rain poems. except, my english was so bad back then that my rain poem sucked, so my teacher had me use my spring poem instead. don't laugh too hard, but yes, i wrote that poem when i was in grade 2. ahh... oh how we all loved the rain when we were little. all the poems are about splashing around in the rain.
... that was my trip down memory lane.
anyways, so in the past weekend, it rained friday, saturday, monday, tuesday. and do you know how many times i got caught in the rain? 3 out of the 4 days! on friday when we came out from watching munich, it was POURING! so i had to run all the way to my car... getting wet in the process. saturday we needed to walk from murietta's to julio's on whyte ave. and of course, we had to finish dinner when it was raining the hardest! why we walked in the rain instead of taking the car, i have no idea! but i was SOAKED from head to toe! my pants were still wet when i got home!!! tuesday, when i came out of the clinic, it was raining. at least it wasn't raining hard, so i didn't get too wet on the way to the car. when we left costco, it wasn't raining, but by the time we got back to millwoods, it was raining harder. but that's ok, moving from car to car in the rain was nothing. but then when i came out from safeway, it started pouring buckets! but that wasn't even the worse part! the worse part was that i couldn't find my car!!!! so here i was running around the parking lot trying to find my car, while getting soaked in the mean time. by the time i found my car, i was pretty wet.
it's not so much that i don't like rain, because i love rain. i love being in the rain... and well, i love playing in the rain. (although everytime i say that, people give me funny looks.) i just don't like the feeling of sitting in wet clothes afterwards. maybe that's why i walked down whyte when it was raining so hard. it was just an excuse to be in the rain, and get wet. i've been wanting to stand in the rain for that long for awhile... and now i've finally done it! "let the rain fall down..." oops... that's Hilary Duff. but yes, the rain feels nice and refreshing. fun times in the rain.

mission: confirmed

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." ~Matt 6:33-34

if you were to tell me exactly one year ago that God will answer all my prayers and give me the desires of my heart i would have probably responded in one of two ways: a) laughed at you and told you no way! or b) tuned you out, while still giving you my "just smile and nod." there was no way that i'd believe that God would provide for me in all the ways He has provided for me in the past little while. i lived on the edge and i fell. at the bottom i wanted to give up, the climb up looked absolutely impossible! but i guess once again, God has shown that nothing is impossible with Him. everytime i got tired and didn't want to climb anymore, He provided rest and shelter, or He would just carry me. everytime i started to slip, He was right there holding out His hand, ready to pull me back up.
well God's answered my prayers, and has provided yet again. i've been officially accepted to go on my missions trip to the Philippines. i will leave in a month and be there for about a month. i am in complete of awe of God at the moment, because my answered prayers have surpassed my wildest imaginations! at first i was worried about what i would do between now and until mid July when i was expecting to leave for missions. then i wanted to stay longer and i didn't know if i would be able to. and then i knew that my relatives all really wanted to see me this summer, and with missions being smack dab in the middle of July, just when would i have time to stop by hk and come back to find a job (which is another worry all in itself.) so now i'm leaving a couple days after convocation, spending almost a month there, and there will be time to spend in hk, and be back before the end of august if i really want.
to add on top of what was already an awesome day, i have an interview for a job next week (we'll see what happens this time, i still can't start right away), and the OILERS WON! and we got to join in the celebrations on whyte ave when it happened! ("When has Edmonton ever been so friendly?")
i realize that lately i might have been sounding like a crazy bible-thumping-live-in-a-bubble-church-going-rule-keeping kinda girl. haha, please don't be mislead at all! i am in no way any of those things. well, i do go to church, but i don't bible thump, and i most certainly do not live in a bubble. in some ways, i may have seen more of the world, and broken more rules than you think. BUT i love God, and He has become the driving force of my life. without Him, i would not be where i am today, and therefore i am simply grateful for everything He has done for me.
so... I AM GOING TO THE PHILIPPINES...
and did i mention THE OILERS WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

old for new

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone; the new has come!" ~II Corinthians 5:17

have u ever heard the story of the Ragman? (read it!)

it was a story that i came across when i was going through my hard time awhile back. but for some reason, it's a story and verse that's sitting heavy on my heart right now. i feel God tugging at my heart to tell you that the past no longer matters because Christ has already taken it away. you have made a decision to run this race marked out for you by God. who runs a race looking backwards all the time?! we all know that to run a race properly we must face forwards, towards the end!
i'm not proud of my past, but i gave it all over to God, and he's given me a new life. i'm willing to make the choice to forget the old and to take on the new. the old was of my sinful nature while my new life is in Christ, so why hesitate? you may think that your past is too horrible, but maybe i will understand better than you know. maybe i will understand because i have been there too. but it's not my job to understand, that's God's job. He knows better than anyone else what we go through and what makes us tick. if it doesn't matter to God, why should it matter to anyone else? what is more important? what God thinks or what other people think?
let go and let God! when you let God take the driver seat of your life, He will open doors that you never thought possible. He will bring blessings that you never thought you could have! He will answer prayers in ways you could not have ever imagined! but in order to see the full power of God, you have to let go of yourself. God can't give you the new and better things, if you do not let go of the old things. don't be content with what you have now. let God give you what you could not even have thought for yourself!
i keep feeling God's tugging on my heart to let the old go and to receive the new. do you feel the same tugging? if you do, i hope you give God a chance or else you might miss out on His amazing blessings. let go and let God lead you. follow Him because He will never lead you towards harm, but only towards His wonderful plan for your life! i can say that because i decided to hang on for too long, i've missed out on a lot. but now, i'm making the choice to let go and move on. i'm giving God a chance to make my life what He wants it to be, to do what He wants me to be. because He's taken over, i trust that all He places in my life is good. i see that all my answered prayers have been in ways i could never have imagined for myself!

i've let go, the question is: can you?

one word: bebot

for everyone who has not seen the video, and that msn thingy don't work... so here's the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aoLUdlWaC8I

enjoy!

running my race...

i can't believe that LS spring retreat 2006 has come and gone already! amazing weekend. when God works, God truly works. first of all, having a lady speaker was the best thing ever! it's nice to hear talks from a female perspective instead of always hearing things from the male perspective. it touched at a whole new level that a male speaker would never be able to reach with us girls. although parts of her talks were huge kicks in the butt for me, they were good kicks. maybe a little too much relationship talk for my liking... but maybe god's trying to tell me something. haha
i loved how she talked about suffering and put her own experience of suffering into it. to share something so new, so fresh, and still a bleeding wound takes a lot of guts. its women like her that make me ashamed of myself for always hiding myself in the corner to nurse my wounds by myself. always keeping my most inner thoughts to myself, the most sensitive feelings inside where no one will ever see them. i told myself that i wasn't going to break out the water works this year at camp... but God completely stripped me of my pride and brought me to tears once again. (i guess i'm not dead on the inside after all!)
i don't even know how to describe just how wonderful God has been! He stripped me down to tears, but at the same time, He knew exactly what to bring to restore hope, and a smile on to my face. yes, they were tears of pain, of regret, and of shame, but he turned my mourning into joy. this weekend He's made me realize that i can no longer dwell on the past, but it's time that i moved on and accept His grace. there's no more need to stay in my suffering because He has called me from it. it i continue to dwell and buy into satan's lies that God will never forgive me, then it'll eventually cause me to walk away from this race. and i refuse to be the soil filled with thorns, where i'll turn my back on God when hardships hit. i choose to be the good fertile soil that will produce fruit.
God's filled my life with so many blessings, he keeps answering prayer after prayer in such big and unimaginable ways! He keeps filling my days with amazing blessings that i couldn't ever have imagined. I traded my sorrows and pains for the joy of the Lord. this is true genuine joy. not that plastered smile that i've been carrying around for so long, but a real one that comes from my heart. He's picked up the broken pieces of my heart and sewed them back together. He's stiched up my wounds and caused them to heal, He's stopped the bleeding and cleaned out the infection. so now, once again, i am able to stand up and run this race with my head held high.
it's been a hard year, but i made it! there are a few scratches here and there, but i'm still standing. thanks for all the prayers, encouragements, hugs, and listening ears! couldn't have done it without any of you, and most of all God! thanks for everyone who stepped in when it seemed the whole world had gone out!

it is finished!

SCHOOL IS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY LAST FINAL EXAM HAS BEEN WRITTEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM DONE UNIVERSITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
now i need to concentrate on studying for FM in may.
oh application for missions is in. so once everything gets processed and they give me the a-ok, i'm off to the philippines for 2 weeks in july. haha... no more china. still an orphanage though, just in philippines instead of in china. i'm getting so excited for that!
PRAISE GOD!
LIFE IS AWESOME!
I'M DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." ~Proverbs 3:5-6

That is one of my favourite verses of all time. It is my constant reminder that I can't do things on my own, or in my own way. I have to trust in the Lord, and trust that He is leading me in the right direction. How hard that is to grasp in the midst of final exams! 2 exams today... and 2 more left next week. I have never been so terrified of failing in my entire life. Before, it's always been... oh, well if things go badly, it's okay. But now, it will determine whether or not I can graduate or not!!! In the midst of my fears, I always forget to trust in God. I always rely on my own strength, and rely on my own efforts. But if I do no live according to God's will, then there's no purpose to my life. If I do not follow his calling, then I will wander aimlessly, and life will never be fulfilling in the way that He wants my life to be.
If I lean on my own understanding, I will most certainly fail in everything. If I do not depend on God, then I will surely fall into sin, and ultimately death. Only through God's grace and mercy can I live a new life that was bought for me by Jesus' blood on the cross. How can that no be motivation to do the right thing? But I know and understand that we are human. We all have our own temptations, and we all have our own private sins that we deal with in our own hearts. I also know that if do not rely on God's forgiveness and accept it, we will never repend truly, and we are never truly free. Trying to defeat closet monsters in your own life by yourself is never easy, and you will almost always fail. We were designed for fellowship with one another, and with Christ. Therefore, only through accountability through brothers and sisters in Christ and a relationship with Christ are we able to stand up to the things in our lives that tries to pull us down.
Exams are a hard time for anyone. Lack of sleep, (and lack of food for some) cause us all to be cranky, and hard to deal with. The stress from studying and the desire to do well cause us to be more high strung than normal, but don't lose sight of Christ in all this chaos. Focus on God even in the midst of your studies! Don't let the things of this world tear you away from the unconditional love that is found only in our heavenly Father.

true reflection...

ever looked in the mirror and not recognize the person starring back at you? ever not been able to face your own reflection because of the shame of what you have become? ever shut someone out because you don't like what they have to say? ever put down a book because the words pierced way too deep into your heart? ever cried your eyes out during a movie because the story hit too close to home? i guess its all a part of life, a part of growing up.
ever wish there were words you could take back? ever wish that there were words you would've said instead? ever wish there were things you'd never done? ever wish that you'd made a different choice? ever wish you could forget certain memories?
the past is the past, and none of us can go back in time to change anything. the only thing we can do is look ahead and continue living life as best as we could. i wish i could make you see what i have seen, and feel what i have felt. do you understand that you've let me down? i expected more from you, i expected better. but maybe you're not any better, and i was just living in my own lies.
we're all human, we all make mistakes. if we all hang on to every grudge, every resentment, every wrong that has been done to us, then life would be bitter. of course its much easier said than done. to truly let go takes a lot of self discipline. prayer does make it easier, but the prayer must come from your heart and not just performing lip service. people will always let us down, but God never will...
i'm not good at holding a grudge, but i'm not good at forgetting. it's not the people i hate, but the events themselves.